Just starting my salty life.

[danceintherain]

I have lived in Oklahoma my entire 36 years so being landlocked my entire life, I have never even thought about sailing or cruising. Then, husband took me to the USVI. The group we went with encouraged us to go on a catamaran trip to Jost Van Dyke. That was all it took!!! Since that trip a little over a year ago, I have been taking action to make my life include more time on the water. I have since then become SCUBA certified and just last week I took a basic keelboating course.

Even though my husband is afraid of being on the water, I am pursuing my interest and following my new dream of cruising or being on the water as much as possible.

I am a teacher and have off three months every summer. I would love to find a way to volunteer crew during the summers or even work on a boat so that I can get enough sea days so that I can eventually go to school and get my captain's license (6 pack).

So glad to be reading about everyone's experiences on here. It is such a joy. I welcome any of your comments or suggestions to get me closer to this dream of mine. Thanks for any feedback you are willing to share.

Julie

[sailorboy1]

welcome

this sounds like a different twist on couples sailing than we normally see here

[bobconnie]

Connie says more power to ya !! More ladys need to be sailing !!! next summer your welcome to come on down and sail with us for a little experince!! we are now buying a new to us 51 ft ketch, and sure have the room !! We will be picking her up after Sept, as there is some rigging work to be done and a rebilt Bow Sprit to be done and she will be ship shape !! Have fun in your new lifestyle, we sure have !!!

[belizesailor]

Where in Oklahoma? How far are you from Lake Texoma? This is a great sailing venue: 86,000 acres at normal pool level (not sure how the Texas droughts have effected it), sailing clubs, sailing schools, marinas, regattas...

[danceintherain]

I guess I am about 4 hours from Lake Texoma. Thanks for the tips about that place.

Connie, thanks for the offer. I really appreciate it! Congratulations on your new boat.

[danceintherain]

Originally Posted by Don Lucas

welcome

this sounds like a different twist on couples sailing than we normally see here

Don Lucas,

What do you normally see?

[GaryMayo]

Your experience is the mirror of mine. I want to sail, and my wife of 30 years prefers the land.

Opening new doors and walking through them alone will put a strain on your marriage. I would think twice about placing yourself on a route that will harm your family life. Kids? A family unit is worth trading for being alone on the water?

Sometimes a spouse walks in a new direction slower than you would like, but if you walk on without him, he will fall away.

Try to involve him at whatever level he is comfortable with, and that may mean you will have to switch from a dead run to a slow walk.

[danceintherain]

Wise words for sure. Thanks for your thoughtfulness, Gary. How have you managed to handle your situation of your wife not wanting to be on the water? How long have you had your boat? Really, I just want to embrace life now instead of waiting for "retirement" to start enjoying my life. If I want to sail, I will. If he wants to come with me I would be elated, but I am not going to NOT pursue my hearts desire based on someone elses fears. I hope he will be participating, but if not does not want to participate, does that mean that I should just pass the opportunity by. Truly, I appreciate your thoughtful words. I know I will have to take this slowly. I am going to live my dreams though, not those of anyone else.

[GaryMayo]

Started sailing soon after we got married in 1983. Small day sailboats. Purchased three of them at garage sales. Really enjoyed it. I always swam like a fish, she does not swim. At 105 pounds and all bones and muscle, she sank like a rock. She always wore safety attire. Never without a life vest on. I could get her to go, but it was always a duty for her. She had no love of it at all. Sold the sailboats to get money for a downpayment on a house.

Skip ahead almost 30 years..........

One day last fall, I just got the urge to buy a sailboat. I was getting older, getting slower, and not doing real well for 55. Tired and slowing down. I own my own business and working 20 hour days for 25 years finally got to me.

I figured I could die at my desk, or go sailing and get some fresh air? The boat seemed like the answer. I had put in my time, and I had a vacation coming.

I drove to the marina and purchased a MacGregor 25. Wife had no idea. Naturally she was thrilled to later learn this. Because of my health, I cannot sail this alone, I need a crew. She does not know how to sail, and cannot remember bow from port, so lots of finger pointing goes along with instructions. Basically she hates it.

The Mac was way too small for me. I am 6'7" tall and over 400 pounds, so placing one foot on the boat made it just about flip over. The cabin was so small I needed to walk around below at an 90 degree bend at the hips.

A slip I leased was a max length of 32 feet, so I searched out 32 feet sailboats. In looking around, I fell in love with ketch rigs, and a ketch Clipper Marine 32 aft cabin was available in LA. It was reduced from $14,000 and no takers for three years to $4,000.

That sounds all well and good, but a week before we had just slipped a 32 Clipper Marine sloop I found on the Great Lakes. I had never seen in the boat except for a couple bad photographs that showed very little. She climbed aboard as she climbs like a monkey, pronounced it a sailboat, and we pulled it home. Traded our Mac straight across for it. Seemed like a good trade. Once in the water, and I got a look inside, I did not like the boat. Nothing was original. Walls were redone in blonde ffloating laminate for floors. It looked unimaginable. It sails nice, but the engine is a outboard that was a regular shaft, and a extra deep shaft was needed to reach the water. Found a proper engine. Then the LA boat lowered in price.

It is a wonder she did not leave me, killing me first naturally. Somehow she did not.

One thing I need to mention, is every sailboat I purchased in just a few weeks of sailing (winter break in there) was filthy. Filthy really does not describe them. Raunchy, disgusting, nauseating. The last one has stuff from Mars growing on it.

Transportation, repairs, bottom paint, this n that, doubled the bargain price of the LA boat. She is a great looking sailboat, but my wife gets pissed thinking about all the money, all the cleaning, all the everything we put into this sudden sailboat urge at 55.

She is still thin, and floats better than she once did, but she is still afraid of swimming. She thinks heeling is her death march. Anything over 10 degrees and she is screaming. If the wind is over 5 mph she does not want to go. She will go, but it is like dating a strange Doberman in a locked business at 3am.

Am I tempted to say so long honey, it has been wonderful, divorce her and get a 50 foot ketch and sail the world! I dream about that almost daily.

Commitment. How often does one find that these days? New coffee cup at a convience store each day, throw away pop cans from vending machines, new car every couple years. New everything, every time you turn around. How many people marry or stay married? Damn few. Broken homes, broken dreams, broken promises.

I would love to grab a college girl and go sail the world, but it ain't going to happen, because I made my bed, and now I am laying in it.

I compromise, she does then same as she clinches her teeth. We get by. Love? Not a back seat love from 30 years ago. A love like a piece of yourself. Wife makes me smile, sailboat makes me smile, and I wait out my time. Content in knowing my place.

Last pic is the boat as it looked in LA. I thought it was white. It was that dirty and fouled with oxidation. The dark blue boat, sailed it once For sale if anyone loves floor laminate.

[danceintherain]

Gary,

I enjoyed reading that story. I can tell how passionate you are about sailing and your wife. I was reading from this website the other day (positivesailor dot com) and it made me think of your story. Here is a quote from that website.
"A long time ago I learned that what other people think of me is none of my business, and I focused on doing what was important to me. Life is an inside job that works best when I start from the inside and work my way out. When someone tells me that I shouldn't be doing things that are important to me, and that I'm wasting my life, they are really saying that my dreams don't count in their scheme of things. My dreams aren't important, and instead, I should live dreams that make sense to them. These people are Outside-Inners because they are taking their outside dreams and trying to cram them down my throat, and that doesn't work. It's the recipe for anger and frustration, and is a terrible way to make a life.

In the grand scheme of things, my grand schemes are supremely important to me and to me alone. I have a choice. I can either live my dreams, not worrying about what other people think, or I can forget my dreams, and let them wither. If I do that, my spirit will wither as well. Joy will no longer spring up in my heart, and each step I take will echo the dull thud of dread I feel in my heart that results from not living my dreams.

The handwriting is on the wall, and the message is clear. There is simply nothing more important than living my dreams. Even if I don't rock the world, I can still rock my world and that's what counts.

Someone much smarter than me said, "What you do isn't important, but it's important that you do it." Those words have the ring of truth, and you can build your life on them. So fire up your dream machine and have a few grand schemes of your own, because that's why you're here on planet earth. God gave you the capacity to dream, and He gave you a lifetime to make those dreams come true."

I believe these words to be true and I do not want to look back on my life in 30 or 40 years saying, "Dern, I wish I had tried that!" I want to look back and say that I gave it all I had every single day.

Truly, I am only planning on working on a diveboat or for a charter company during summers only. I think my husband can handle things at the house for a season. If not, he will learn to take some much needed vacation time and come with me. Thanks again for being willing to share your story.

[GaryMayo]

To become a butterfly, the caterpillar dies.

For a fawn, the maturing process is not so drastic.

The next time your husband calls you dear (deer) I hope he knows he is really sleeping with moth woman. Lol

[Eleven]

GaryMayo

She hasn't been sea sick yet, so maybe she'll take to it.
Pester one of the forum to take the two of you out for a day sail on a cat or tri. The ride is very different, there's no heeling, and little impression of the speed you are sailing at. At 30ft most Cats provide caravan/motor home style comfort. In seas they get a bit lively, cooking needs bars to hold pots on the stove, but life is generally on the level.
Worth a try once you've mastered basic sailing.
Most tri's are much faster than mono's or Cats, but life is more camping. But fun for weekending.

[Eleven]

For Dancing I'd go for it. Buy him a set of golf clubs and a years membership.
He'll either get a lot of outdoor exercise, or drink too much.
Again I'd suggest you look at Cats for worried passengers, or a trailerable tri for yourself if a camping lifestyle is acceptabe.

[SkiprJohn]

Aloha and welcome aboard!
Good to have you posting here. There are lots of informative things to read to give you ideas about what and how to sail.
kind regards,