The lighter side of sailing

Three old salts were sitting in the pub lamenting about their age. One of them says "the thing I hate about getting old is the body just doesn't work the way it used to. I remember when I was younger, I would get up every morning and take a nice long two minute pee. I sure miss that".
The second sailor says, "I know what you mean. I used to get up at 2 bells every morning for my morning constitution. No better way to start off the day"
The third sailor sits there thoughtfully, and finally speaks up, " I am still as regular as an old clock. At 4 bells, I can set a clock by it. At 6 bells, I pee like a teenager after a keg party. Now, if I could just get out of bed before 8 bells I would have it made"

[CaptainK]

I see you changed you photo on your profile again, Kai!!

UUUUUUUH? Yuuuup!
Comon, kick down some jokes!

[CaptainK]

What the hell is the photo suppose to be, Kai?

[CaptainK]

You wanna hear something funny. Ok, here's one?

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.

He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

[ssullivan]

Kai's photo is Kittiwake... his very cool wooden boat!

[CaptainK]

Yeah Sean.

You're right. It's Kai's Kittiwake.

Not a very good photo though? I suppose Kai, will keep picking photos. Til he finds one that will work?

I am having all sorts of problems getting the photos I want to look good and fit the 90x90x5000b
K, that was a really bad joke I am surprised, I thought a joke thread would really take off.
So, here's aother one:
You might be a sailor if:
1) You find your self watching the weather channel late at night, and taking notes.
2) You hang your head out the window of your car while driving in rain storms.
3) You find yourself sliding towards the windward side of your car while driving in high winds.
4) You tie your shoes with a marlin spike.
5) You poke your head out your front door every 15 minutes at night to look around the neighborhood.
6) You write down the time you poke your head out, and the location of cars on the street.
7) You call ahead to the mall to ask the layout of the parking lot, and where a space might be open.
8) You call authorities when your car starts making funny noises to apprise them of your location, and promise to check in every 30 minutes until you arrive home.
9) Traveling at speeds over 10 knots both frightens and exhilarates you.
10) Before driving anywhere in your car, you run through a 32 point check list, and leave a plan of your route and destination with a relative or friend.
11) And finally, you might be a sailor if you prefer to sleep in the bathtub with the faucet dripping on your head..

[ssullivan]

Kai Nui once whispered in the wind:
I am having all sorts of problems getting the photos I want to look good and fit the 90x90x5000b

I have had the same trouble. Loot at me. I look like an idiot in mine!

It's the old "corporate" photo. Maybe it's time for a more current picture.

I think the jokes don't take off since they are read, laughed at, then closed. They are much appreciate though!

At least you look professional
Back when my wife and I were first friends, I used to call her every morning and tell her a joke. It made the day better. Unfortunately, I do not have that many sailing jokes. I need some new material, so it is time to put it out there. I am sure there is an old salt or two out there with some jokes I haven't heard

[CaptainK]

Crossing the border

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" "Bicycles!"

Now that's more like it

[CaptainK]

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate. "A shark bit off me whole leg." "Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?" "We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. Said the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook."

[CaptainK]

Hey Kai.

I see you know that pirate joke.

But I also posted one similiar to that one last night!! Go check it out. It's similair to yours!!