The Dream Has Died

[chris mac]

I'm on the opposite end of this. I've dedicated a couple decades to building and renovating houses. It's gotten to the point of not needing to really think about it. There is no challenge or excitement in it. As you said, burnt out.
That is part of the reason live aboard is so appealing to me. It's challenging, so much to learn and always needing to do.
When you are feeling burnt out it isn't fun any more. Find something new that excites you and pursue it.
After 25 years and building multiple boats, I'm guessing there isn't much boat related that gets you excited anymore.
One of my friends also went through this, with no idea of what to do next. They tried something totally new, never tried before, every week. They ended up really enjoying volunteering at animal shelters.
Sometimes just the exploring new things is what you need. I hope you find a new passion.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Things change.

"Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it!"

can mean disaster.

In your case just ennui, not that bad a situation.

Sell or give away everything that doesn't give you joy, jettison the flotsam, lighten the loads.

Get your life stripped down to bare essentials, then "get out there" and expose your soul to totally different experiences, cultures / sub-cultures, different societies, mix it up even at random.

For me means travel, but not necessarily.

The quest is for new stuff that floats your boat, revs your engines gets the juices flowing.

Find people to love, a mission that inspires you, whatever gives your life a feeling of fulfilment, fire in your belly, passion jumping out of bed in the morning.

As much as possible within the obligations and restrictions you allow to hold you back.

Well said John.

I think western culture has been taught to resist change, even made to feel guilty for looking for change. I come from parents that lived in the same house for 50 years, same job for 40 years etc.

Change is inevitable, it comes whether we want it or not, embrace and enjoy. Change can be hard on those around us to the point it can cost friendships, people often fear change.

I think the same old same old or creeping death of sameness is what we should fear.

[MLOI]

Originally Posted by ponderings

I didn't really enjoy sailing on this trip on the boat I bought to flip. I didn't feel like I wanted to battle bad weather, rough seas and all the things to repair and that will break taking a boat around the world to see things.

But the wife wants to have the new boat finished.

I'm thinking of (GASP!!) converting the new boat I built to be a highly efficient powerboat with all the conveniences. Generator, air conditioning and heat, unlimited hot water, watermaker etc.

I'm starting to see boats as less of a traveling adventure and handyman thing and as more of a (GASP AGAIN!!) condo I can put wherever I want, moving it with the seasons for maximum comfort.

If you like sitting around in harbour or at anchor, then do that. That's kinda the point of cruising - go where YOU WANT, do what YOU WANT.

Sounds like there is an easy outcome both you and your wife would like. Seems like you would both enjoy being able to relax on your new boat, with the living area (interior and cockpit perhaps) nicely finished.
So why don't you;
- Sell off the second boat as it's just a headache
- Fit out the new boat to be habitable without a rig (for now)
- Outsource the work you don't have the motivation to do - get it done quickly
- take some time to enjoy what you have called out that you like. Motor short distances and stay for long times.
- take a holiday to Switzerland

If after a couple of years of this - with some easy cruising under engine -you decide you want to sail, then put a rig on the boat and sail. If you don't, then don't.

Don't feel that you have to keep acting a certain way, just because that's what you have done in the past. Don't think you have to do all the work by hand, just because you can.

I turned 48 last week, and spent 6 months of last year sailing with my family. At the start of the trip, I was looking for an adventure - battling the waves and the winds. We ended up spending 3 of the 6 months just lazing around the Whitsundays, some of the easiest sailing on the planet. That's because after some fun sailing, we decided that we didn't want to do that anymore, we wanted to slow down and cruise. And once I realised I didn't need to be a racing sailor, but could be a relaxed cruiser, it was great.

Then this winter we left the boat alone and went skiing instead. We'll go back to the boat later, and that's OK

Hell, we even have the boat tentatively for sail, with the idea of buying a condomoran (well... actually an Oram 44 would be my first pick, but after a 37ft monohull, it would seem massive)

Doing what you want is easy. Deciding what that is is hard. Remember that decisions can be changed later, so don't stress too much.

Mike

[Stillraining]

Congrats my friend:
Your post has triggered me to make a post here after i don't know how many years..8 or 9 maybe.
I can so relate to you...My challenges are a little different but the struggle and futility of it all is the same...ending in a similar dejected and burnt out condition.
Life isn't easy.. the choices we make sometimes come back to haunt us and sometimes are just completely out of our control.
I had plans..big plans and they involved my wife and 3 children. Well none of them worked out. The economic melt down of 2008 sealed that for us tighter then one of my wife's mason jars of caned peaches.
Our boat an Irwin 41 has spent more time out of water the it ever has in it because of our struggles in the 11 years we have owned it. Most sane people would have jettisoned it years ago. Keeping it has been one of the few driving forces in my life except God and my wife and kids.
Second only to refusing to give up and admit I have failed at business once again. That struggle and refusal of defeat has kept me going as well, even when there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Your struggles seem to be apparent to me and exactly that.. a no light at the end of the tunnel feeling in regards to construction of a dream you had which has taken its toll on the reason you even started the project in the first place. Your love for the sea.
Mine has all been financial and a 3 steps forward and 2 3/4 steps back putting me in the same mental spot as you, and feeling the same defeated attitude. Except mine was devoid of a growing loathsomeness toward the boat itself and just life itself.
The boat in my case remains an innocent bystander and neglected byproduct of ambitions gone airy ... but the dream no mater how tarnished and faded it seemed I never let die. It has lost a lot of its luster and youthful exuberance to be sure.

I know I will never participate in the Swift-sure with her .. I know I will never complete and outfit her for an ocean voyage, and worst of all I know I will never again have a captive crew of 3 Young girls and youthful wife to sail the ocean blue with.
Those dreams have left the dock forever.. Kids are married off, have kids of their own and or are just off living their own lives. What once could have been never can be now, this is the hardest pill for me to swallow. This is my dejection and heart ache My only saving grace is in all of this is I have refuse to let go of "all" of my dream.
Accepting a parcel less fanciful version of the dream is better then lying in my death bed, teary eyed and asking myself why... Why did I give up?

Maybe its because I have yet to actually experience cruising as you have. Oh sure we have spent several weeks at a time cruising the PNW, but I have know Idea what its like to stay on one tack for more then 40 minuets. Or to spend the night slicing through waves on watch through the dark under a moon lit sky on a long passage... For all practical purposes Im a Journeyman bay day sailor not much more experienced then I was at 17 with my first Sail boat A McGreagor 21 .. Not exactly the epitome of my life's desires or where I thought I would be at at age 61, with time slipping by and old bones getting stiff and the realization its now or never..
So I had to make a change...I LOVE our boat.. I have made customization to her that few other boat probably have. She is like a child to me, I'm attached, I'm disappointed I wasn't the Dad She deserved and didn't give her the opportunity I said I would give her... But its time to set her free.

Some one once said doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome is the definition of stupidity.


We have just made an offer on another girl..in another part of the world far far away. A place I would never get to if I were to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.
I doubt she will ever replace the spot in my heart and the misplaced dreams of my first love but its time, because time waits for no man.


Sell your project...let someone else finish her...convince the wife she can join you in an adventure with some other..and no, it wont be "The boat" it maybe should have been... but it will be wind in your sails and in your hearts. The dream will rekindle and reinvent itself. Old ghosts will never die and there will always be skeletons in your closet as there will be mine to look back on and wish things had gone different. But they will rattle far less and fade away as surly as dark turns to dawn over time.


A man with out a dream is a dead man..his body just doesn't know it yet..



Carry on

[Olddan1943]

I turned 75, my Nordhavn 46 was destroyed in a boat yard. 3 years without a boat. I could have bought another mid 40ft boat but the stateroom on the Nordhavn was used maybe 3 time when I owned the boat.
I bought an American Tug 34 instead and resumed the 'life' again.
What I learned was, if we dream too big, down size the dream.
There is another option, find a cruise line that is going to places you wish to visit, take a cabin on a long term basis. Visit these places while you still can. People do that too. SMILE

[Simi 60]

Originally Posted by chris mac

I'm on the opposite end of this. I've dedicated a couple decades to building and renovating houses. It's gotten to the point of not needing to really think about it. There is no challenge or excitement in it. As you said, burnt out.

That's not burnt out, that's bored with it.
Burnt out is feeling physically ill to the point of turning into a blubbering mess at the thought of going back to work

[stainless guy]

I live "in the mountains" can't see any neighbors from my house the privacy is fantastic, the darkness and cold.of winter gets to you though as does the endless projects home Reno's, firewood cutting, garden growing, tending livestock running a small business etc I pretty well put all of my waking hours into this sort of thing it's worth it but tiring

That said I do like change and variety is "the spice of life" this next spring we are selling out to start a long slow circumnav and plan to keep a place here at the local ski hill for a place to come back to each year not sure that I won't bore of sailing/travel too but right now it seems like the best path and I don't care to miss my kids growing up

Apologies in advance to any that share an Anchorage with me as we will definitely be disturbing the peace

[LoudMusic]

I have found that I am useless at doing my hobbies alone. I simply never make progress and only dream about it. My friends, family, and wife, are the ones that encourage and enable me to seek my dreams and obtain the goals.

Remove the negative people from your life, and nourish the relationships that motivate you. Find someone to share your dream.

Don't do anything that doesn't further the achievement of that goal.

[CatNewBee]

Head up! Don't worry, plans change, life changes frequently. Do not stick to something that does not make you happy.

In my experience, almost every 7 years something fundamental happens and changes: you reach a goal, you go for the next big thing. Do not fight it, embrace it as a chance to learn / do something different.

50 is not an age to give up anyway. Many people start their journey when retired, in fact there are a lot of blue water sailors in their 60's and above when they finally have the money, and the freedom to do it, kids grown up and settled their own lives, parents gone and do not need care anymore, jobs done.

Full-time RV-ing is definitely on our bucket list too after sailing.

Don not stick too long to the preparations to make a dream come true later, because you may miss the fun part of it at the end - there is no perfect gear, perfect time or whatsoever.

It is the unexpected, the challenge and the success to overcome it, the moments you did not expect, the coincidence that makes the magic of the moment, the joy and happiness. You have to leave your comfort zone to get there.

So whatever it will be for you, just do it and stop preparing. (There is no perfect RV either!)

So fair winds and curvy roads!

[GordMay]

Greetings and welcome aboard the CF, Ponderings.

... Is this just because I'm getting older? I'm approaching 50.

Perhaps a mid-life crisis, or just "burnout" near the end of a very long project. Either way, take a little time to just goof off, and just do whatever strikes your fancy. Maybe you'll get rejuvenated.

[boatman61]

I reckon my last boat.. a steel Van de Stadt got me to your state a couple of years back..
Bought myself a M'bike to get me to the boat to do the work but I'm like you.. sick of it.. fed up of buying old boats and fixing them up to sell and then hopefully step up a couple of feet or a few years with the next.. started with a 21ftr.. last was 39ft.
Sold the m'bike just before my first job this year.. and following 2.5mths and 7000+nm of hard sailing across the Atlantic and through the Med this summer I toyed with buying another boat.. two days ago I bought a Yami Virago 535 instead.
Delivering boats and owning boats at the same time sucks.. go to work.. come home to the same work..
With the bike I come home to riding the curves of the foothills of the Sierra de Estrellas.. to the surf beaches of Fig da Foz and Nazare or just to my favourite riverside bar.. not chipping hammers and red oxide.
Maybe the yen to own and live aboard will come back one day..

Only time will tell..

[Olddan1943]

BIG SMILE
Folks, 50 is not old. 75 is old when the life expectance in my family is 80.
Now, get out there and fulfill your dreams, daymit!!!!!

[EmeraldCoastSailor]

I am 54 and I can somewhat relate to the part of dealing with the challenges after years of dreaming. I am not as steady, strong, or impervious to insults to my body as I once was which gets frustrating but one can't let being 50 hold one back. Having two boats might be wearing you out. I am down to one and happy. I'd get rid of one of the boats if not both and maybe get an RV to see the world a different way. For me, the dreaming part always seemed like fun, making the dream happen isn't always fun but that is to be expected.

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by EmeraldCoastSailor

I am 54 and I can somewhat relate to the part of dealing with the challenges after years of dreaming. I am not as steady, strong, or impervious to insults to my body as I once was which gets frustrating but one can't let being 50 hold one back. Having two boats might be wearing you out. I am down to one and happy. I'd get rid of one of the boats if not both and maybe get an RV to see the world a different way. For me, the dreaming part always seemed like fun, making the dream happen isn't always fun but that is to be expected.

Well that is a different discussion.

Some enjoy dreaming - perfectly OK, they sit around and dwell, watch remote places and young bodies enjoying themselves on TV or Youtube, read books about adventures or even fiction stories about remote worlds and times and never leave the sofa. You can dive into a specific dream (hobby) or have them all.

There are others, that want to live their dreams, to make them happen.

Some are so busy to get ready to prepare for the perfect moment and do not notice when they missed it out. Some are busy making money to safe for it their life long - to do things later, when they retire or whenever - and when finally reach this point they realize that life has gone, health and fitness too and the dream fades away. The worst thing is regretting not having done things when you could have.

I guess, best is to figure out, how important a dream is for you, what it takes to start and then make a decision and either do it or drop it in favor of the second best thing on your bucket list - or just take a break, re-think and then start over again.

[thinwater]

I downsized a year ago, because I was finished with cruising but still liked sailing. Once again, I have a boat I like. The dream changed and I noticed.



But I could go live in the mountains or kayak or move into town and hang out at the coffee shop. I can find interesting things anywhere.



We've all see the boat yard of broken dreams. They were going to fix it up and then.... Or as soon as they retire they are going to buy a boat and.... In my experience, a dream that is compensating for a life you are not happy with or even more likely, preventing you from making little changes now, is unhealthy. Dreams can keep you going through the dull parts of life and they can help you to stretch. But they need to be realistic and you need to constantly re-access if they are real.