Looking for a Single Parent to Join Us

[BlueWaterSail]

Originally Posted by JJB

The more it seems like Mark's advice may well be the prudent course of action, as time goes by.

One adult and three pre-teens on a seventy foot boat out in the middle of the ocean? That's not good advice, it's lunacy. What if something happens to the adult? I'm a father and I know I would not want to risk placing my child (also 11) in such a situation.

JJB, sounds like you are cautious, and want to have an extra adult on board, that's the right course of action. If I were in your situation, I would add medical training to the "ideal" candidate's abilities.

I would also leave any and all personal stuff out of discussion. From what I've read so far, you need an adult to help with the kids, and help run the boat. As long as you feel comfortable working together, the rest happens (or does not happen) pretty much by itself. I would make that clear.

Finally, why not hire someone for this job? No offence, but in the grand scheme of how you have (successfully, I might add) made it to supporting three kids on a large sailboat, a housekeeper might allow you to get underway quicker than finding the ideal paying passenger.

Good luck anyway, BWS

[aegean adrift]

Would a female relative such as an aunt, grandmother, cousin be a viable option?

[JJB]

Originally Posted by BlueWaterSail

One adult and three pre-teens on a seventy foot boat out in the middle of the ocean? That's not good advice, it's lunacy. What if something happens to the adult? I'm a father and I know I would not want to risk placing my child (also 11) in such a situation.

JJB, sounds like you are cautious, and want to have an extra adult on board, that's the right course of action. If I were in your situation, I would add medical training to the "ideal" candidate's abilities.

I would also leave any and all personal stuff out of discussion. From what I've read so far, you need an adult to help with the kids, and help run the boat. As long as you feel comfortable working together, the rest happens (or does not happen) pretty much by itself. I would make that clear.

Finally, why not hire someone for this job? No offence, but in the grand scheme of how you have (successfully, I might add) made it to supporting three kids on a large sailboat, a housekeeper might allow you to get underway quicker than finding the ideal paying passenger.

Good luck anyway, BWS

Well, we aren't heading off, till now late March at the earliest, so we still have plenty of time to find someone yet, but I did expect to get a few more responses than we have.
I guess before you say what we are doing is lunacy, you need a bit of a background, the boat was custom designed for us, in a layout that makes it as safe as possible for kids, next off if my boys were put to a Yachtmaster exam tomorrow, I have no doubt they would pass it with flying colours, they have been cruising with my wife and I since they were 6 months old.

In an emergency situation? We often go through different scenarios as to what would happen, they continue to surprise me every time, on how well they do and the decisions they make. Sailing the boat is not why I am looking for someone else on board, that's a non issue as everyone knows how to sail the boat, and understands its systems inside and out.

Who ever we take will be helping run the boat, that only makes sense, make the work load on all of us a little less, however I envisage that the people we take will likely not have any blue water experience, so I would be estimating it would be 2-3 months at a conservative estimate before they would be confident taking night watches, so running the boat with or without someone else for the first 3 or so months I don't see making a huge difference.

Whoever we choose, if we meet before we set out on the trip, we will teach the basics to round the Gold Coast broadwater and Moreton Bay for a couple of weeks, much the same would apply should we take someone inexperienced in Tahiti or the Cooks.

[JJB]

Originally Posted by aegean adrift

Would a female relative such as an aunt, grandmother, cousin be a viable option?

Both my parents, right now are not able to join us, however at various points during the trip they will visit for a week or two at a time.
Aunties? I don't have any that are able to join us. I've tried contacting my in-laws, they give their blessing to the trip we have planned, they will also join us at times for a week or two but again aren't able to join us full-time. Having asked all my female friends, are all enthralled at the idea, but then look at the practicality for them, all decided against coming.
So here I am advertising on here

[espie]

Hi JJB,
I'm surprised that every single mother in australia hasn't wanted to jump on board! I feel I may be close to what you are looking for. Is there a way we can be in touch?

[JJB]

Originally Posted by espie

Hi JJB,
I'm surprised that every single mother in australia hasn't wanted to jump on board! I feel I may be close to what you are looking for. Is there a way we can be in touch?

Sure, if you click on my user name in any of my posts, it should present you with a menu, just select "Send a private message".

[Sandero]

JJB ,

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for the right single mother. Your offer is generous as well.

I have two basic comments. I think it prudent to sail with another competent adult. This may not even include the single mother you seek and may have aboard. It takes some time to develop salty skills to take over a vessel such as yours if the captain is disabled for any reason. Please be prudent.

Second while this offer is a great opportunity, most people who might be interested have established their own "routine"... tearing them away from something which "works" might be difficult unless the alternative you offer is clearly better and "risk free".

This also mean leaving friends and family behind and for children this may or may not be difficult. I can't remember my mind as a child, but the idea of such radical change could be as frightening and off putting as exciting and compelling.

This represents a kind of decision that requires more understanding of the "change" for the single mom and her kids and this is really hard to understand... unless you've "been there".

In my mind I can see some single mom who loves sailing and cruising but is landlocked and trapped on land because of financial considerations, and education of the children. She needs to believe that both education and social development is possible on the voyage. I believe it is and know many kids who were cruising and even a couple who were both born on their parent's yacht while cruising (not literally on the boat).

You can do it, but 2 months may not be enough time to get this together. It's a wonderful plan!

[JJB]

Originally Posted by defjef

JJB ,

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for the right single mother. Your offer is generous as well.

I have two basic comments. I think it prudent to sail with another competent adult. This may not even include the single mother you seek and may have aboard. It takes some time to develop salty skills to take over a vessel such as yours if the captain is disabled for any reason. Please be prudent.

Second while this offer is a great opportunity, most people who might be interested have established their own "routine"... tearing them away from something which "works" might be difficult unless the alternative you offer is clearly better and "risk free".

This also mean leaving friends and family behind and for children this may or may not be difficult. I can't remember my mind as a child, but the idea of such radical change could be as frightening and off putting as exciting and compelling.

This represents a kind of decision that requires more understanding of the "change" for the single mom and her kids and this is really hard to understand... unless you've "been there".

In my mind I can see some single mom who loves sailing and cruising but is landlocked and trapped on land because of financial considerations, and education of the children. She needs to believe that both education and social development is possible on the voyage. I believe it is and know many kids who were cruising and even a couple who were both born on their parent's yacht while cruising (not literally on the boat).

You can do it, but 2 months may not be enough time to get this together. It's a wonderful plan!

Thanks for the kind words, I do appreciate it. We have done this quite a number of times before, being ready won't be an issue, short of getting the new rig in the boat, but that is in a whole other thread.

I completely understand your concern about having another competent adult on board, but knowing our routines I don't really think this is an issue, we sailed out to the Cook islands last year, just the four of us. I made one of the boys skipper for the trip, he did everything correctly, plotted a course, with a couple of stops along the way, but to a capacity where I could still jump in if the need required. Also when we're in the South Pacific, nothing is more than a 2-3 day sail at a maximum, if we need to do a longer ocean crossing ad we haven't found anyone else by then I would pay to have another adult on-board no question, if it was to be longer than 5 days.

I take your point about the change for a single mother, and understand it's not an easy move even when something is put on a silver platter, changing the status quo is always hard. Re the social changes for the kids, I agree with that to some extent too, but also know kids adapt to change pretty quick even if it's a bit of an upheaval for them at first, but there are always social opportunities for them at most points through the trip even if they are a couple of weeks apart at times.

On education, I am a qualified teacher, so no issue there, when my kids have been out of school they usually get ahead on the work they need to do, and have good test results when they go back.
In the end our experiences in the South Pacific make planning future trips quite a bit easier, already having the resources in hand, what we need to stock the boat up etc.

[Sandero]

JJB

It's hard to know from here what you know from there so my comments and all comments need to be taken with a grain of salt.

You sound as if you have this well thought out and have a competent crew in your kids as hard as it is to believe.

Keep us posted with a log and photos! This might rival the Ocean Wander.

[David_Old_Jersey]

At the age of 11 I would probably have been able enough to get to shore if the old man had gone overboard, but then again we were never mid Pacific

But a scenario that has to be considered and planned for (and no doubt already has), in any event the boys are only ever going to get more able as they grow older so I don't think wildly risky in principal.

But on the single Mom thing, I would suggest being open about the skinny dipping - but only once you have established some direct contact. Plastering that on the internet at the outset in the wanted ad just doesn't read "right" and sounds like it is a bit too important / requires mother & child to do the same. If I recall correctly Wimin often a bit different on the letting it all hang out front - especially with strangers

In any event, if not a deal breaker you may all simply have to accept keeping yer kit on and a good chance that in a year or 2 the boys will be a bit more self-conscious anyway. My advice is to cross that bridge when (if?) you come to it.

Best of luck

[aegean adrift]

Hard to believe that such a big deal is being made of nudity. :shrug:


JJB, is it possible you're underestimating your own ability to provide the feminine influence your kids need? A couple of women I've known over the years were raised by their dads, and they're as girly as they come. Their dads even handled menarche with more grace and aplomb than most mothers apparently do. What greater gift is there than an undistracted father?

[JJB]

Originally Posted by aegean adrift

Hard to believe that such a big deal is being made of nudity. :shrug:


JJB, is it possible you're underestimating your own ability to provide the feminine influence your kids need? A couple of women I've known over the years were raised by their dads, and they're as girly as they come. Their dads even handled menarche with more grace and aplomb than most mothers apparently do. What greater gift is there than an undistracted father?

Perhaps.. I understand what you are saying, however most of the girls you are speaking of have access to other girls their own age everyday of the week, the contact she will be getting on this trip will be fairly limited.
She is quite the tom boy which is great in a way but I don't want her to miss out on being able to socialise with other girls on a regular basis, she has a great relationship with her brothers and me, I do take your point though.

[BlueWaterSail]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

But on the single Mom thing, I would suggest being open about the skinny dipping - but only once you have established some direct contact. Plastering that on the internet at the outset in the wanted ad just doesn't read "right" and sounds like it is a bit too important / requires mother & child to do the same. If I recall correctly Wimin often a bit different on the letting it all hang out front - especially with strangers

Lol, we're talking about kids here, not a community of swingers - this issue is being blown way out of proportion! In Europe topless is totally acceptable, even on TV! Lol ...

BWS

[JJB]

Originally Posted by BlueWaterSail

Lol, we're talking about kids here, not a community of swingers - this issue is being blown way out of proportion! In Europe topless is totally acceptable, even on TV! Lol ...

BWS

Hahaha! Nice response!

[BlueWaterSail]

Originally Posted by JJB

Perhaps.. I understand what you are saying, however most of the girls you are speaking of have access to other girls their own age everyday of the week, the contact she will be getting on this trip will be fairly limited.
She is quite the tom boy which is great in a way but I don't want her to miss out on being able to socialise with other girls on a regular basis, she has a great relationship with her brothers and me, I do take your point though.

I believe you are trying to mesh what's best for your kids with what you would like for yourself. You are by choice very close to your kids, but worry that your plans to cruise will deprave them of the diverse social environment that they need. Parenting has, at the end of the day, a lot to do with sacrifice - the kids come first. And, most importantly, they decide who their best friends are, etc, I have doubts that you can recruit them - it just doesn't work that way.

BWS