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Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 05-05-2022, 23:25
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

Thoughts on ageing...

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it.

My bucket list: keep breathing.

Camping: where you spend...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 01-05-2022, 18:05
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

The Nun and the Russian soldier...

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”

The nun agreed. A moment later two military...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 10-04-2022, 17:32
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 06-03-2022, 16:37
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

> The US Marines found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

> They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of
> $1,000 for every inch...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 06-02-2022, 15:56
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

Reminds me of the woman who told her husband that their postman was retiring the next day. She said, "what should we do for him?" He was reading the paper in his chair and said, "screw the postman -...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 31-10-2021, 16:04
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 Joke Thread

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 80TH Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age, so decided to risk an adventure.

She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 18-09-2021, 16:21
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 Joke Thread

So…..

A school teacher was arrested at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient
wooden device...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 02-08-2021, 16:43
Replies: 2,823
Views: 435,274
Posted By D&D
Re: The 2021 Joke Thread

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 19-08-2020, 01:28
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. You'll love it:

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.'
...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 14-07-2020, 17:06
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds...

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.

Grandparents...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 28-06-2020, 17:46
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Little Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 22-04-2020, 17:44
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

The 12 Commandments of Growing Old

#1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
#2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 02-04-2020, 21:00
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 02-04-2020, 17:22
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldn’t...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 26-03-2020, 15:53
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

The 12 Commandments of Growing Old

#1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
#2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 19-03-2020, 16:21
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

A glimpse of married life (and hoping I haven't posted this already!?:confused:)…


The missus isn't talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday. I'm not sure how...
I didn't even know it was...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 27-01-2020, 15:57
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

It's started...

The Queen and Prince Phillip are visiting Harry and Megan in Canada.

The Prince known to be partial to his Pink Gins gets into a session with Megan.

The Price starts to get...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 12-11-2019, 17:15
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago... Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 24-09-2019, 18:28
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

As we Silver Surfers (aka seniors :o) know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.


Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie , the 11-year old next door, whose bedroom looks like...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 05-09-2019, 21:55
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly beautiful waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, came to his table and asked if...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 28-07-2019, 22:41
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to first year medical students. It was not an exciting subject so the professor decided to...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 28-07-2019, 18:56
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking their cigarettes, when suddenly it begins to rain. The first old lady takes out a condom and put it over her cigarette and continues smoking. ...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 04-07-2019, 17:26
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

A Ship Wrecked Irishman


One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself... "It's certainly not a ship."??...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 26-06-2019, 17:17
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

Little Hodiaki

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said, 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death?'
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a...
Forum: Flotsam & Sailing Miscellany 26-06-2019, 17:16
Replies: 14,966
Views: 2,358,864
Posted By D&D
Re: The New Joke Thread

A couple were sitting in a restaurant.

One of them said to the waitress...
"We don’t eat eggs, meat, fish, dairy or gluten. What would you recommend?"

The waitress replied "Maybe a taxi...?"
Showing results 1 to 25 of 500

 
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