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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

Pelagic 29-10-2017 15:02

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chichi (Post 2508781)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KysuBl2m_w

i'd love to hear your thoughts on it

To be honest.....Nothing new in her presentation and not that well done.

Those same ideas have been around since Freud and Gestalt.

Along with her good advice about integrity and choices, she missed a key conditioner on Attitude.

When bad things happen to you and you lament..." Why me, Why me?"

The automatic response should be..."Why not?"

Own it!

JPA Cate 29-10-2017 16:52

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
^^^^^
Hi, Pelagic, who promised whom a rose garden? eh?



Ann

CarinaPDX 29-10-2017 16:58

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
It seems the War of the Sexes is continuing - who says Afghanistan is our longest war?

I really appreciate some of the wisdom provided here, particularly by some of the women. (@Chichi- you are a hell of a good writer - keep it up) OTOH this looks like taking a few generations before peace reigns <sigh>.

Greg

daletournier 29-10-2017 20:07

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by KiwiKen (Post 2508910)
And when one realises that about 1/3 of all marriages end in divorce, and half of those that don't are not happy, but the couple hangs on for the sake of the children, religious or financial and security reasons etc; then marriage as an institution is far from what it is cracked up to be.

A divorcee re-marrying is the triumph of optimism over experience.

I agree, but don't tell anyone, they don't like that sort of talk here.

john61ct 29-10-2017 22:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Hasn't been 1/3 since the 50's.

Around 50% of marriages on average end in divorce.

41% percent of first marriages, 60% percent of second marriages, 73% percent of third marriages end in divorce.

To me, divorce doesn't mean a "failure", just it was time for that relationship, it has run its course.

Society should not be setting unrealistic expectations like til death do us part, usually just a formula for misery.

daletournier 29-10-2017 22:54

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2509161)
Hasn't been 1/3 since the 50's.

Around 50% of marriages on average end in divorce.

41% percent of first marriages, 60% percent of second marriages, 73% percent of third marriages end in divorce.

To me, divorce doesn't mean a "failure", just it was time for that relationship, it has run its course.

Society should not be setting unrealistic expectations like til death do us part, usually just a formula for misery.

Not sure we should be heading back here, but why not?

Divorce rates only reflect divorces, they say nothing about how many are separated but remain married or how many stay married but live resentment filled lives etc.

My marriage break up was well over a decade ago. We went to a Psycologist specialising in this sort of thing, it was great.

I remember something that he said "something like 7% of marriages were considered very healthy and the couples in them were happy". Of that 7% a large majority adopted alternative ways of doing it it, this ranged from anything from separate holidays to separate lovers and everything in between, there was no exact recipe, they just did it different. A decent percentage lived in a anger based relationship and another decent percentage had moved past that into numbness.

Now it may of not been exactly 7% and I have zero to back up the above statement , feel free to rip away. It could be argued he had no idea, didn't save our marriage.. Lol.

john61ct 29-10-2017 23:36

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Yes, it's no solution to any problem, should never be a goal in itself. IMO

sandrunner 30-10-2017 02:59

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayfarer1008 (Post 2508809)
can go out and have fabulous adventure's by yourself but if do not have some one to share the experience what's the point.


to have a fabulous adventure? Enjoy solitude? Quiet? self sufficiency? To have untold conversations that exist between our two ears with those that come before? To immerse oneself in the moment? a book? shall I go on?

if one can't, more than likely they never learned to enjoy their "self" or how precious time alone can be.

Don't get me wrong sharing experiences can be wonderful as well, but that doesn't replace time alone and enjoying it for what it is.

wolfgal 30-10-2017 09:51

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Pelagic,

old stuff, huh...?

well, you are so right.... forgive me, i've been living abroad and not in my language (this absolutely brilliant language we share!) for so long (nearly 30 years - and a part of that was in the middle east...), that i've basically missed out on all the fundamental stuff. i'm also a natural-born slow-bloomer. admittedly, i'm the one who needs the video (and to read the sources) the most.

Thanks Dale, I knew you'd enjoy the RISK part!

about risk-taking... it was three years ago when i could suddenly see that there was a word written on that giant billboard at the end of my life-tunnel. i could just barely, vaguely make it out; and when my father was near the end, he pronounced that word often that it woke me from a kind of coma. this is when i got back onboard with my life, my dream. but now, especially now that it has been spelled out so clearly in the video, i can clearly see the word REGRET written in HUGE bold, white letters. What used to be my dream is now a necessity!

(that reminds me: anyone remember the "Waste not, Want not" billboards that could be spotted in the 70's?)


As for the divorce discussion, early on, when i mentioned my folks who managed to marry SEVEN times between the two of them, i evoked the idea of a five-year contract "to renew or not to renew". it is a great idea i think, especially if one of the two really feels the "need" to marry in the first place. I'm so happy for the 7%, but, seriously, why should lawyers be allowed to dip so deeply into other peoples' hard-earned savings so that two individuals can continue each's pursuit of happiness? so often people drift apart as they change and grow, and so being glued at the hip and attempting not to be can be painful. and when we consider what the financial stress does to families, to the kids... for me, the priority is the kids' (if any) physical and psychological well-being.

Also, i'd like to relate here how, when the institution of marriage was invented, the average life expectancy was much shorter, so couples would actually enjoy on average between ten and 15 years together before one of the two went to the grave. In this light, I suggest we actually give those 7% of happily married couples a standing ovation.

On the topic of sex, Dale mentioned and others motioned how some women seem to enjoy sex more, beginning in their 40's. I'm finding this is and has been very true for me but am also remarking how so many women i know who are in their 50's (especially those who are much father along in the business of menopause) say that they are simply "done with it." Was it not suggested that the increase of testosterone and decrease in estrogen was responsible for the increase in desire and pleasure? There must be another/other reason(s).... To think about: I read somewhere that those who explore pleasure early have longer and more (complexly satisfying, if female) sex lives and that both men and women can enjoy it through our 70's! I wonder these make up 7% as well. Let's do hope it is much more.

I'm really not sure where we can take this last tidbit (except to prompt most of us who are single to get on Yachtworld to look at boats for a while), but the thought that has come to me now is that whoever said that all men were created equal didn't know a thing about women.

As for the question of sailing alone or two to share. I find that there are plenty of opportunities to enjoy being alone when together, but it is nicer to be together when fixing stuff, when crossing oceans, and especially, when hard times come along, since, so often, two become three.


Oh, a big thank you to Greg from Carina and a few others who have encouraged the impulse to type, nudged me along with compliments on my writing in this discussion. i really appreciate this. being ChiChi (see my first post) really helps me explore a bit it seems. I've been translating forever with the hopes of writing something worth reading one day. And oh, oh, oh PLEASE do not bother trying to make sense of the Fluke, Metrix and Chauvin Arnoux user's manuals translated from French: admittedly, i didn't have a clue!

I have a feeling that the war between the X's and the Y's is over for now. Or is there someone who is already drawing his/her sword?


Cheers mates!

john61ct 30-10-2017 10:36

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
There are significant percentages of both sexes that just don't get all the fuss about sex, just not wired that way. And nothing to do with their desire for intimacy and companionship.

And different levels of libido at different ages also varies greatly, personally I suspect the fact that sex in our society is so tied up with rules and taboos has as much to do with it as any physical factors.

Most of those I know who've "just gone off sex" really just find it's not worth the compromises, costs and complications usually demanded by close "partner" relationships.

And the social sanctions brought to bear on those judged as "promiscuous" make that alternative impractical for many who want to fit into mainstream expectations.

But the overall trend is IMO toward relaxing those constraints, giving greater freedom to figure out for ourselves what patterns of sex and family work for each of us, and yes there are growing pains, cultural conflicts with older folk and those clinging to some of the more persistent traditional mores.

But just like all races and religions getting along together, we can see inevitable progress being made each decade, and it's nice to be on the right side of history.

Olddan1943 30-10-2017 11:39

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2508955)
To be honest.....Nothing new in her presentation and not that well done.

Those same ideas have been around since Freud and Gestalt.

Along with her good advice about integrity and choices, she missed a key conditioner on Attitude.

When bad things happen to you and you lament..." Why me, Why me?"

The automatic response should be..."Why not?"

Own it!

Or hear a heavenly voice say, "Are you sure you want to know why?"
LOL

SV THIRD DAY 30-10-2017 11:54

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
You know.....
Just the Topic of this thread is Sexist and goes against everything we are being told today about the male/female. A more politically correct thread title that I would not find offensive and sexist would be:

"Single cisgender person Living Aboard and Cruising...a neocolonial white nationalist Look"

I mean are we really to assume and accept the sexist, patriarchal, and mysogonistic meme that a single man has a different single living aboard experience than a woman? Where is the cultural and racial diversity of the posters?
Its a "white wash" of the topic.... Sheesh....talk about a bunch or Neanderthals!!!



[[[[Now come on....thats just funny))))

john61ct 30-10-2017 12:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Why would the topic be limited to cis-gendered or straight people?

I agree there would be issues in common for all, dealing with the challenges of finding a cruising mate.

It is difficult for those committed to this alternative lifestyle so far outside the mainstream, that is, living on a boat.

Especially if you're not wealthy, there are many places and people that look down on, disparage and discriminate against us "water gypsies".

I can see how that would help you (one) have empathy for other oppressed minorities, so thanks for helping to remind those who don't so suffer of their unearned privilege.

Exile 30-10-2017 12:26

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2509482)
There are significant percentages of both sexes that just don't get all the fuss about sex, just not wired that way. And nothing to do with their desire for intimacy and companionship.

And different levels of libido at different ages also varies greatly, personally I suspect the fact that sex in our society is so tied up with rules and taboos has as much to do with it as any physical factors.

Most of those I know who've "just gone off sex" really just find it's not worth the compromises, costs and complications usually demanded by close "partner" relationships.

And the social sanctions brought to bear on those judged as "promiscuous" make that alternative impractical for many who want to fit into mainstream expectations.

But the overall trend is IMO toward relaxing those constraints, giving greater freedom to figure out for ourselves what patterns of sex and family work for each of us, and yes there are growing pains, cultural conflicts with older folk and those clinging to some of the more persistent traditional mores.

But just like all races and religions getting along together, we can see inevitable progress being made each decade, and it's nice to be on the right side of history.

I was right with ya 'til that last paragraph. Progress towards "all races and religions getting along together?" Are we talking about 2017, on this particular planet?? "Progress" that is "inevitable?" To whom?? :confused: And I'm pretty sure the oft-repeated meme of "being on the right side of history" just means seeing the world the way people personally prefer to see it for themselves, not the way it actually is.

But hey, I'm good with the rest of your post. :flowers:

Exile 30-10-2017 12:30

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2509551)
Why would the topic be limited to cis-gendered or straight people?

I agree there would be issues in common for all, dealing with the challenges of finding a cruising mate.

It is difficult for those committed to this alternative lifestyle so far outside the mainstream, that is, living on a boat.

Especially if you're not wealthy, there are many places and people that look down on, disparage and discriminate against us "water gypsies".

I can see how that would help you (one) have empathy for other oppressed minorities, so thanks for helping to remind those who don't so suffer of their unearned privilege.

Boy, even when Third Day says he's trying to be funny somebody fails to see the humor. :facepalm:

So now those of us who opt for the cruising lifestyle have joined the oppressed, regardless of wealth?? No wonder guys like Third Day are so confused!


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