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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

gamayun 22-10-2017 08:12

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Let me throw another perspective in as to why some guys tend to only find women who expect to be supported....the fully independent types don't need you and you'd have to work hard to get them (if you can find them). As Dale says above, it's easier to do your own thing and avoid the emotional drama.

Olddan1943 22-10-2017 08:25

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2504177)
Let me throw another perspective in as to why some guys tend to only find women who expect to be supported....the fully independent types don't need you and you'd have to work hard to get them (if you can find them). As Dale says above, it's easier to do your own thing and avoid the emotional drama.

She is giving up everything to be with her man. I find no fault supporting her. Within reason. I wont buy her a car or a new house or or or

john61ct 22-10-2017 08:33

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Or just accept paying for it all, find the balance between how much you have / can make and reasonable demands.

Sometimes straight transactional arrangements can work out just fine, and nice thing is, either party can cut loose when things start to go south.

Olddan1943 22-10-2017 09:05

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2504196)
Or just accept paying for it all, find the balance between how much you have / can make and reasonable demands.

Sometimes straight transactional arrangements can work out just fine, and nice thing is, either party can cut loose when things start to go south.

Pray tell, how much will you pay her? 10K, 20K, 30K, how about a nice round figure of 75K ??? EH?
You might very well offend her, emotionally. She will give you her all and you want to put a price on it? Good luck.
How much does love and devotion sell for these days?

daletournier 22-10-2017 10:18

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2504177)
Let me throw another perspective in as to why some guys tend to only find women who expect to be supported....the fully independent types don't need you and you'd have to work hard to get them (if you can find them). As Dale says above, it's easier to do your own thing and avoid the emotional drama.

I think theres some truth to that. But sometimes you get an independent woman that loses her independence by coming with you, particularly if she cant finance her life without working.

If the lady has little or no money a dynamic is created where the man has the power even if thats not what he wants. No one likes asking another for money, its disempowering and resentment often builds, the person that is supplying the money feels this and thinks "you ungrateful.......", the relationship cancer sets in.

Us humans are complicated.

Olddan1943 22-10-2017 10:22

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2504254)
I think theres some truth to that. But sometimes you get an independent woman that loses her independence by coming with you, particularly if she cant finance her life without working.

If the lady has little or no money a dynamic is created where the man has the power even if thats not what he wants. No one likes asking another for money, its disempowering and resentment often builds, the person that is supplying the money feels this and thinks "you ungrateful.......", the relationship cancer sets in.

Us humans are complicated.

A monthly allowance? Now, how much.

john61ct 22-10-2017 10:33

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I find it strange you keep asking that. How long is a piece of string?

Surely it would be up to the adults involved to come to an agreement. . .

And of course "love" however you want to define it needn't come into the picture at all, but if it ever does, that has little to do with the practical arrangements.

Olddan1943 22-10-2017 10:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2504262)
I find it strange you keep asking that. How long is a piece of string?

Surely it would be up to the adults involved to come to an agreement. . .

And of course "love" however you want to define it needn't come into the picture at all, but if it ever does, that has little to do with the practical arrangements.

Yup, but if one is going to support a woman without question, there has to be a discussion at some point.

My 'lovely' stepmother, aka 'the wicked witch of the west', 'milked' my father like a dairy cow. Solutions? He outlived her.

john61ct 22-10-2017 10:51

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2504268)
Yup, but if one is going to support a woman without question, there has to be a discussion at some point.

My 'lovely' stepmother, aka 'the wicked witch of the west', 'milked' my father like a dairy cow. Solutions? He outlived her.

All of which is the opposite what I'm talking about. Yes of course in a purely transactional relationship all the cards are showing on the table, the deal's full details made explicit up front.

And any role can be played by any gender.

I was just saying, to the extent actual cash is involved, the amounts involved will depend on the context and people involved in that place and at that moment, and can't be generalized.

Especially if/when both parties have a lot to offer on a barter basis, money may end up being a very small fraction of the value exchanged.

Exile 22-10-2017 10:53

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2504177)
Let me throw another perspective in as to why some guys tend to only find women who expect to be supported....the fully independent types don't need you and you'd have to work hard to get them (if you can find them). As Dale says above, it's easier to do your own thing and avoid the emotional drama.

Exactly! After a couple of times getting snookered into believing a woman is truly independent only to find out she is not, a guy's complaints go from explanation to excuse! And I like the concept of "need" vs. "want." I think a lot of both men & women are emotionally needy themselves and also have a need to be "needed" by their partners. Whereas others' basic desire is to be "wanted." Perhaps never the two shall meet?

Pelagic 22-10-2017 11:25

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Sounds like some cheap trick to me[emoji1]
https://youtu.be/BJs_L7yq5qE

Exile 22-10-2017 11:28

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2504189)
She is giving up everything to be with her man. I find no fault supporting her. Within reason. I wont buy her a car or a new house or or or

I would find no fault supporting her either if that were the only practical way to make it work, but what exactly is she giving up? Presumably if she's making a conscious decision to leave a previous life behind and live/sail/travel with her significant other on a boat, then she has concluded that whatever trade-offs are involved favor life on the boat (rent/mtg free I should add). Different story, obviously, if she has no assets and her only source of income was a job she left behind. But after signing up for this type of scenario on land for far too long, only to continually hear why my house/budget/dog/etc. was inadequate to meet her needs, I'm not buying the oft-heard notion that it's the woman who generally makes the sacrifices.

uncle stinkybob 22-10-2017 11:31

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I got a dog, no problems in the relationship so far.........

Exile 22-10-2017 11:37

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2504254)
I think theres some truth to that. But sometimes you get an independent woman that loses her independence by coming with you, particularly if she cant finance her life without working.

If the lady has little or no money a dynamic is created where the man has the power even if thats not what he wants. No one likes asking another for money, its disempowering and resentment often builds, the person that is supplying the money feels this and thinks "you ungrateful.......", the relationship cancer sets in.

Us humans are complicated.

Very true, but unfixable by one party alone. You could set her up with her own account, give her a credit card, or otherwise equalize the imbalance as much as is practicable, but if she feels less powerful over it then it's her deal.

Exile 22-10-2017 11:40

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2504295)
Sounds like some cheap trick to me[emoji1]
https://youtu.be/BJs_L7yq5qE

You mean my need vs. want shpeel as in the lyrics, or John61's transactional suggestion as in the name of the band? :whistling:


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