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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

Nicor 21-10-2017 16:43

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2503890)
Honest folks, the below is a joke.
------------------------------------
Wanted one very beautiful, well mannered, soft spoken woman, unmarried, no kids, registered nurse specializing in ER medicine and cardiac care, has own medical and dental insurance. Good disposition, 25- 45 years old about 5ft, weight between 80 an 105#, loves to cook, clean and do the wash. Valid passport, able to speak 3 language fluently, (English, Spanish and French), all shots up to date. Captain's license, liability insurance, experience in navigation, anchoring, line handling, marine electric, diesel engine maintenance and repair. She must be able to support me and my boat beyond my expectations. Not on any FBI nor Interpol watch list.

In return, I will provide one, really old, grumpy, uncompromising man, house broken, reasonable table manners, with an AED and no socially redeeming values, who owns a boat and drinks cheap wine, smokes cheap cigars, not interested in socializing nor marriage, goes to bed early.
Washer/drying provided.

Serious applicants only. Please apply in person between 7am and 8pm. Be prepared to demonstrate your cleaning and cooking skills. A trial of 1 months followed by a highly critical evaluation.
----------------------------------

Did I leave anything out? LOL

Just what i was looking for. can i copy that for my crew wanted also?
Oh, but u did forget one part. Must be able to be left on any dock and make your own way to where ever.

Wondering if we're not just digging ourselves into a deeper hole.
Maybe we should just shut up and not let them know till later... :)

Really ladies i didn't mean all that i have writtern.... :peace::trash::smitten::whistling:

Olddan1943 21-10-2017 16:46

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503923)
Just what i was looking for. can i copy that for my crew wanted also?
Oh, but u did forget one part. Must be able to be left on any dock and make your own way to where ever.

Wondering if we're not just digging ourselves into a deeper hole.

And you wonder why I cant get a woman to crew with me?

Feel free to copy it. Good luck!!

Wayfarer1008 21-10-2017 17:16

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Its a joke but its fitting for anyone looking for a mate at an older age.

"Finding a mate is like looking for a parking spot in a shopping center The best spots are already take, what's left is the handicap and the ones way out there"

Olddan1943 21-10-2017 17:21

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503923)
Just what i was looking for. can i copy that for my crew wanted also?
Oh, but u did forget one part. Must be able to be left on any dock and make your own way to where ever.

Wondering if we're not just digging ourselves into a deeper hole.
Maybe we should just shut up and not let them know till later... :)

Really ladies i didn't mean all that i have writtern.... :peace::trash::smitten::whistling:

I said it was a joke. YOU want to post it for your own. You have the shovel, not me.

Nicor 21-10-2017 17:23

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2503940)
I said it was a joke. YOU want to post it for your own. You have the shovel, not me.

Well, I might as well go cover my own self up in the hole i dug.

Olddan1943 21-10-2017 17:25

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayfarer1008 (Post 2503938)
Its a joke but its fitting for anyone looking for a mate at an older age.

"Finding a mate is like looking for a parking spot in a shopping center The best spots are already take, what's left is the handicap and the ones way out there"

Hmmm and I use the valet service.

Olddan1943 21-10-2017 17:27

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503942)
Well, I might as well go cover my own self up in the hole i dug.

I will go for bandages and help for you.
If I don't come back, and I won't, good luck.

Pelagic 21-10-2017 18:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
[QUOTE=Chichi;2500288]Ok guys, i hope i don't get in trouble for this... (i created an account just now using my sister's b-day so to keep undercover -- forgive me admins but, if you read on, you'll understand why i need to protect my identity. no harm intended)[QUOTE]

I have to keep reminding myself that we know you under a different history of posts, but just want to say;
....I like this person!

Our focus here on CF is usually about fixing things on boats, but rare are the ones about fixing things within ourselves.

Chichi's posts are like a shot of WD40 between our ears to loosen up those frozen social moments we carry throughout adulthood as a justification for our rooted behavior patterns towards those whom we dare to love.

Exile 21-10-2017 18:19

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayfarer1008 (Post 2503938)
Its a joke but its fitting for anyone looking for a mate at an older age.

"Finding a mate is like looking for a parking spot in a shopping center The best spots are already take, what's left is the handicap and the ones way out there"

Seems like it's only been "the ones way out there" since a pretty early age (me & them) and thereafter, but that says just as much about me as them!

Exile 21-10-2017 18:30

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503840)
I can't see me going along with that, not using your definition of 'partner' as you defined it there.

let me see if i can explain that better.
Lets assume i am crossing Atlantic and i would like someone to go with.
She would have to know more than me (not hard).
I am not looking for anyone to jump in bed with.
If she wants to run around the boat naked, that's fine.
I'll look of course just to what she looks like, but make a comment like 'good body'. No.
To me that insinuates you wanting to jump in bed.

Now she could either buy her own ticket back where ever, or sail on south with me to where more cruisers are and sign on another boat to somewhere.

The boat expenses are mine and mine alone.
I would not know how to split the food cost as when she leaves, she actually own 1/2 of what is left.

We are not partners, would i call it friends, doubtful.
Part of the crew? maybe but if i was to put a rank on it, it would have some higher meaning.

Don't know that i explained it that well, but that's the way it came out.

Sounds more like "crew" in its usual meaning. I was referring more to "significant other," i.e. girlfriend/fiance/wife. But when it came to the galley, she could pretty much have carte blanche whatever her role. Not exactly one of my strong points, and could care less where the pots & pans go or the array of foodstuffs & spices. In fact, whenever I have crew or company onboard I never discourage them doing their own thing unless it risks compromising safety or basic gear. I usually learn something new that way.

Exile 21-10-2017 20:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JPA Cate (Post 2503844)
Here's what my opinion on this is: first, of course, it is up to each to do what s/he thinks fit, so this may not fit for some of you.

But it is more complicated than each staying true to him/herself. If ownership of the boat is not joint, then you'd have to explain to this little white duck why she should invest in it. She's given you the benefit of her input. She's still financially responsible for herself for the rest of her life, and those later years have high medical costs for most of us. It would not be a good investment from a financial point of view. ...Of course, if she is quite wealthy, it might be different.

I wouldn't expect nor want any monetary investment in my boat or its general upkeep, and whether she contributed financially to cosmetic/comfort changes that she chooses would be more of a pragmatic decision than anything else. A gesture towards taking some responsibility for the costs, however, would be quite refreshing for me. I was merely referring to the circumstances which occasion a newer relationship, or perhaps an older relationship where she has recently moved onto my boat. As for joint ownership of the boat, at some point that may seem only natural & desirable for both of us, but I would hope she would have her own financial resources and not be entirely dependent. This would be completely different, of course, for a couple who married when they were young at a time when neither had much in the way of assets, or a woman who perhaps opted to stay home raising kids while the husband became the sole breadwinner (or the other way around).

You might be able to sell her on the concept of an investment in the relationship. If there is commitment to the relationship from both partners, doing that works out more easily.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have to "sell" her on the relationship itself if that's what you mean, and if by commitment you mean the type of financial one that occasions marriage then this could be problematic. Not financial support nor marriage itself, but the idea that this might be the only way for her to stay committed. Imho, if one party has the means to support the other financially then this should be an unintended bonus rather than what is expected, and it certainly shouldn't be a condition of staying in the relationship or not. Obviously there are many variables and I'm only speaking from my own perspective, and there are always practicalities that have to be weighed.

You can talk together about what exterior manifestations of commitment are required from each partner for the other one to feel comfortable. It may be quite uncomfortable to imagine doing it--it involves exposing one's fears, and isn't easy for people to do. It can, however, create a great leap forward for the relationship.

Or a great leap back towards breaking it off.:wink: I'm rather cynical at this point after several experiences where the type of "exterior manifestations of commitment" you speak of meant financial support pure & simple, and it was both conditional and expected. Could have just been bad luck or my own lousy judgment/naiveté, but I think there are a couple (or more) generations of women -- maybe more so in the US -- who seem conflicted btwn. their idea of feminism requiring them to be financially & otherwise independent, and their more traditional expectations of assuming that men carry the role of financial providers. I'm personally fine with either approach if the woman is comfortable with herself, but think it's an inherent conflict for many women trying to have it both ways. Not a conflict in the abstract perhaps, but one which in my experience leads to resentment, conflict, and utter confusion and frustration for the guy. Obviously this also happens the other way around, but I think it may be more of a problem for otherwise independent women expecting and conditioning their acceptance of a relationship with a guy on his ability and willingness to provide financial support. But like I said, I've become cynical.

Arguably it's also quite the double-standard. I couldn't imagine moving onto a wealthier woman's boat and expecting her to carry all the financial baggage, let alone assuming that one day 50% of the boat would belong to me! Why should it be different for a woman whose feminist or other ideals understandably motivate her to be equally independent? :confused:

Disclaimer: Before someone nominates me for induction into the Three Stooges Women Hating Club, please note that I'm talking generally from my own experience and perspective, and that of a number of similarly situated friends (i.e. middle-aged & single; male & (yes) female). Ok, nominate away! :smile:


Ann

A good opportunity perhaps to say that, even though I obviously know little about you & Jim, I have admired your ability to live & travel the world together on a boat that I gather is also your home. Quite unique and definitely interesting, if not inspiring.

daletournier 21-10-2017 21:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Exile I agree with every word you have said.

Alot of relationships have been together for along time, they have kids together, have purchased houses together, and spend decades together etc.. thats different, it's their money.

What I believe you are talking about is getting with women later on, where we both have histories, haven't built up any assets together etc. I'm yet to have a lady contribute financially much at all, I've come to accept this to be fairly normal.

I think the difference though is how women find it easier to be provided for, as a guy I would really struggle having someone pay my way, it would be unhealthy for me. It's a theme across the ages that men are the "providers".
Are there exceptions? of course, but in this world of equality I still don't see a great deal of quality in this area.

I must say my partner does do her best to contribute and definitely contributes in other ways, but our financial situations are very different.

daletournier 21-10-2017 21:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I would also like to add, I've had this discussion with a number of my male friends over the years, these are not alcoholic losers that spend all their time on bar stools. They are decent good men that society generally accepts, we all have come to this opinion through our experiences, although most won't voice their opinions publicly.

Exile 21-10-2017 23:12

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2504009)
Exile I agree with every word you have said.

Well, hopefully with the caveat that much of it is somewhat speculative and from my own personal perspective, although when you start hearing similar complaints from men as well as (some) women, certain patterns start to emerge.

Alot of relationships have been together for along time, they have kids together, have purchased houses together, and spend decades together etc.. thats different, it's their money.

Absolutely, and also why if they divorce the law usually provides a presumption that they are each entitled to 50% of marital (common) assets regardless of which spouse may or may not have physically earned the money, paid the mortgage, etc. There are always justifiable, usually narrowly defined exceptions, but whatever assets have been accrued is generally the result of "their" efforts.

What I believe you are talking about is getting with women later on, where we both have histories, haven't built up any assets together etc. I'm yet to have a lady contribute financially much at all, I've come to accept this to be fairly normal.

Yes, hooking up later on, with one having more financial resources than the other. Or as the thread topic suggests, a single guy at a point in his life when he can afford to go cruising on his own boat, and might consider doing it as a couple if he can meet a compatible woman (or vice-versa).

And I don't really care about a financial disparity in either direction, only the type of attitude I've experienced that often seems to come with it. If you're someone who truly strives for independence, financial & otherwise, then why would you want to willingly put yourself in a situation where you will necessarily be dependent on someone else? On the other hand, if your sense of independence is not defined by financial wealth, then you shouldn't have a problem relying on a significant other who may be wealthier but who cares about you and wants you to be happy. My problem has been with women who profess independence but expect if not demand financial support, but then become resentful about feeling like they've lost their independence! :facepalm: I'm sure some men (or women) exploit the disparity for selfish reasons, but what exactly is the "fix" for an otherwise well-intended guy? Why is it his problem that he's wealthier, as opposed to her problem that she's not?


I think the difference though is how women find it easier to be provided for, as a guy I would really struggle having someone pay my way, it would be unhealthy for me. It's a theme across the ages that men are the "providers".
Are there exceptions? of course, but in this world of equality I still don't see a great deal of quality in this area.

I think you're right, and that's fine by me if that turns out to be the case in a particular relationship. My only requirement is that it's also fine by her, and she's ok with "equality" meaning ways to contribute that I may be unable to and so will therefore appreciate. That way we are both contributing and it only becomes a matter of practicalities that my monetary contribution may be greater than hers in the same way that perhaps my ability to make certain types of repairs on the engine might be. But if she feels entitled to my financial support and it is therefore expected, then it necessarily can't really be appreciated, and that often becomes problematic. It's at that point when she starts losing my respect because this type of behavior is . . . well . . . disrespectful.

I must say my partner does do her best to contribute and definitely contributes in other ways, but our financial situations are very different.

I can't see anything wrong with that. It sounds quite normal and healthy. It would be a shame if disparity in wealth itself was a source of contention, but apparently issues surrounding finances are one of the leading causes of divorce (just down from infidelity I believe).

Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2504014)
I would also like to add, I've had this discussion with a number of my male friends over the years, these are not alcoholic losers that spend all their time on bar stools. They are decent good men that society generally accepts, we all have come to this opinion through our experiences, although most won't voice their opinions publicly.

Probably because it's not PC I'm afraid, imo the single largest inhibitor of open, healthy communication in almost every area of our lives these days. And it doesn't even help to get the pronouns right! :wink: I know I'm 50% to blame for poor judgement & naiveté perhaps, but like many of my single friends, I'm starting to care less about who's at fault and more about the peace & quiet I enjoy "in-between break-ups." :smile:

And of course I always remember these words of wisdom:

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates


daletournier 22-10-2017 00:14

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
It's interesting " like my single friends, I'm starting to care less about who's at fault and more about the peace & quiet I enjoy between break ups"

I see this also, less care factor, it is what it is. A good mate of mine, now 50, is just happy with the peace that comes from being single, just has no intention of being in another relationship, doesn't want the emotional work and financial stress, regardless of who's to blame. He's very good looking guy, has his cool little pad, enjoys his toys and just goes about his life minimizing stress.

The rules of the way your meant to do life become fuzzier as time goes by, I don't really get caught up on right and wrong these days.


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