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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

daletournier 18-10-2017 23:13

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2502291)
Wow, this thread took on legs! The OP hasn't posted since late 2015, shortly after he started it. Now it's 47 pages later. It curious to me why single men and single women on boats seem to be such a hot topic of conversation. Personally, I think coupled humans are just jealous of our freedom ;)

I enjoy your posts [emoji1].

I'm not cruising by myself at the moment, but in the past when I have its always surprised me how some react towards my choice.. ie feel sorry for me or wonder what the problem is regarding not being with a partner, the need to invite me to dinner etc.

People don't get it, some enjoy being single, and aren't lonely and enjoy the incredible freedom that comes with this choice.

Some of the happinest days I've had cruising have been by myself, the silence, the freedom, the not being responsible for someone else, the not needing to please someone else, the not needing to pay for someone else!

Many married couples have been married forever and just can't possibly relate to another way! and I believe feel threatened by the alternative.

I have a wonderful loving partner but if we were to separate I would not get into a married like relationship again, there's no need, I don't want the bonds that come with it. My happiness just doesn't depend on being hitched to another person, in fact I believe the restrictions (ownership) of married like relationships gets in the way of true friendship. These rules are man made, not natural. Life's not a fairytale, it's real and real is so much better.

daletournier 18-10-2017 23:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by john61ct (Post 2502283)
Just like "family" these days, marriage means whatever we want it to.

Ideally in a given union, that meaning would be mutually known to all partners involved.

Many very successful relationships are established on less fleeting and fickle foundations than romantic feelings.

To me, the institution of marriage is only useful for legal or financial reasons.

A "successful" marriage does not have to be defined by how long it lasts, nor by adherence to society's expectations of what a "normal" one might look like.

Good post John. I also agree with one of your earlier posts regarding marriage (or love) not being about happiness, sex or monogamy , but commitment and being their for that person (or something similar)

You are obviously someone that has thought long and hard about this.

daletournier 18-10-2017 23:22

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by goat (Post 2502278)
Marriage means 'I love you so much that we need to get the government and church involved.'

goat

Lol. [emoji23]

Nicor 19-10-2017 00:36

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2502295)
I enjoy your posts [emoji1].
People don't get it, some enjoy being single, and aren't lonely and enjoy the incredible freedom that comes with this choice.

Some of the happinest days I've had cruising have been by myself, the silence, the freedom, the not being responsible for someone else, the not needing to please someone else, the not needing to pay for someone else!

I can't say anything about cruising solo yet, but i just imagine my thoughts will be the same as spending days on end motorcycle camping in the wild.
You see sights from mountain tops, in valleys, desert with wild horses just over there, places you know no one else has been and there is no one to share it with.

wolfgal 19-10-2017 00:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Love, security and Freedom... The balancing act in itself tries us, tests us, leads us to compromise on one hand, and, if we can sustain the rhythm (and nothing terrible befalls us), fills us fulfillment on the other.

I admire any and all who manage to keep the act going and feel happy, no matter how they do it (married, not married, single, just friends). My father married five times (the perpetual quest for the soulmate) and my mother, three times (don't ask). Both were good people who did their best but who finished alone and lonely... For them, I would have suggested a marriage contract in which one could opt to renew every five years or not. Both would probably be alive today, if this were the case.

Gumayun (did i spell it right?), i'm glad you popped in! your posts are inspiring. Your voice is always clear, your cards are always up, your energy is always so good. I admire you!

Dale, Goat, Pilot64, regarding the finance question:
-yes Goat, i already discovered the extreme website you mentioned. I do not do charts but am consciously aware of my capacity to be frugal, very frugal, surprisingly frugal. i feel oppressed in shopping areas, can't take the music, the flights, the perfume, the whole bit about getting something so to feel better... the stuff!!! then again, you get me into a hardware store and i go nuts! I'm frustrated because I've lost my tools (used to have just about everything, even a Festo circular saw with the guides), so I need to calculate in what i'll need to get for my boat, perhaps set up an account just for her... Oh my, I think that this is the biggest unknown for me. Little bits and pieces at hardware stores can really add up, throw in new sails and possibly a new engine, and oh grief, the chainplates... and it would be ideal to have some long-distance, self-sufficient equipment, and then the paid-for help from time to time for the stuff that is beyond me... This is when I start to shake in my boots. Do not worry, i'm not going to get a big boat. I'm staying below the 34' mark. Getting a sweet small blue boat in good shape is the goal.

Yes, Dale, I'm doing the rental income thing too, am fixing up two different places (one near the coast and one inner city). Both are debt free, and i'll be living in one of the two up until I live on the boat full-time. I need to make sure that I have enough for their/maintenance/repairs long-term, especially for the house on the coast (for the heater, the water heaters, the roof... again, i might need to have a repair account just for these). The house is the most costly of the two and might give me more headaches that i will want... but is a great place for me and my two and my sis and her one for get-togethers down the road... and, ahem, if ever i need to not live on the boat anymore. In any case, I figure that the combined return plus my income for the next ten years will allow me to put a good bit into savings for later. Eventually, I could sell one of the two properties as well.

Pilot64, is it really a simple question of math? i am probably overthinking things, but life has been a rollercoaster so far, up and down. between the hurricanes and airplane crashes and health issues and family issues..., i've learned that one must always be ready for the unexpected. the minute we recognize patterns of sameness and allow ourselves to ease into them and adopt them as our new comfort zone is the minute when change steps in and plays fifty-two pick-up. That said, deep down i know that i will experience peace once i live on the boat. This landlubber life just doesn't suit me.

thanks for the input everyone.

and to the guy who has a hunch as to who i really am: it is doubtful. there are surely many, many, many eloquent females on here. thanks all the same, for the compliment.


And Carat: hey girl, i like your style! I'd like to underline how you and Zee bring up a very, very good point. It is not easy making a living after a certain age. and of course we need security. so many men view these facts from the angle of getting used by women, i.e., gold diggers. (i say it myself about my father's five wives - they made off with everything he had! then again, he allowed it...). in any case, we can again evoke the balancing act i mention above: the juggling of Love, Security, and Freedom.

JPA Cate 20-10-2017 13:40

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
A little vignette to illustrate a big difference among men, from one woman's point of view..... It is about meals. He takes her out for dinner. She has him to her place for dinner. Now, this could be the other way around, gender-wise, but it is often this way.

To make it brief, if you do not think a meal for a meal is an equal trade, that general attitude can get you in trouble with the kind of woman who might become an enthusiastic sailor.

Ann

a64pilot 20-10-2017 14:09

Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Yes, I do think itís simple math, tornadoes, hurricanes etc happen if your land living too. Reason we have Insurence.
Personally I believe on a 30 ish boat in good shape that is in sustainment phase as opposed to being refit, $3,000 a month ought to pretty much allow you to do anything you want, within reason and be sustainable forever. There will always be catastrophes, you can only plan for those, you cannot control them.
Airplane crashes? Strange statement, where did that come from?
You need to decide what your goals are, cause I believe that will define the requirements of the boat, and that will determine costs.

Nicor 20-10-2017 14:33

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Here is another thing about solo, my life is simple meaning simple foods also.

You see different posts on here about all the fancy stuff they pack to cook with, pots, pans, special forks, knives, all the different seasonings that are required to pack with you also.

That an't me, an't no way. I doubt any female would ship out with me if they look in what will be in the pantry.

That's actually a good thing there. It would bring me back to my senses to why i went solo in the first place.

boatpoker 20-10-2017 14:46

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JPA Cate (Post 2503288)
A little vignette to illustrate a big difference among men, from one woman's point of view..... It is about meals. He takes her out for dinner. She has him to her place for dinner. Now, this could be the other way around, gender-wise, but it is often this way.

To make it brief, if you do not think a meal for a meal is an equal trade, that general attitude can get you in trouble with the kind of woman who might become an enthusiastic sailor.

Ann

I don't do money, I find dealing with it tedious so my wife takes me out to dinner. At home (the boat) we cook together and make it an adventure, always trying new things. Marriage to us has nothing to do with the government, it is simply a life long commitment to each other. My goal in life is to be the cause of that smile I see every morning and Sharon's goal is the same. Secret of life ..... marry your best friend.

Olddan1943 20-10-2017 16:23

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503311)
Here is another thing about solo, my life is simple meaning simple foods also.

You see different posts on here about all the fancy stuff they pack to cook with, pots, pans, special forks, knives, all the different seasonings that are required to pack with you also.

That an't me, an't no way. I doubt any female would ship out with me if they look in what will be in the pantry.

That's actually a good thing there. It would bring me back to my senses to why i went solo in the first place.

Don't worry, she might first rebuild your galley and stores. She might say, "Here's list, go buy it and do not deviate from the list nor the brand."

Or she may say, "Don't worry darling, we will make due. Now go buy the stuff on the list."

Exile 20-10-2017 18:03

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by boatpoker (Post 2503314)
I don't do money, I find dealing with it tedious so my wife takes me out to dinner. At home (the boat) we cook together and make it an adventure, always trying new things. Marriage to us has nothing to do with the government, it is simply a life long commitment to each other. My goal in life is to be the cause of that smile I see every morning and Sharon's goal is the same. Secret of life ..... marry your best friend.

Nice! Or as the very squared-away wife of a good friend of mine always says, "expect nothing & appreciate everything."

Unfortunately, it's often the other way around, with one party to the relationship not only having unrealistic or unfair expectations, but feeling entitled regardless. This in turn makes it impossible to show the necessary appreciation since it's already expected as a given. This is the set-up for the disappointment, resentment, and often anger that inevitably follows on both sides. The irony is that if you manage to hook up with a giving person and avoid the takers, each party will wind up getting more than they ever would have with the more self-centered and abusive approach.

Funny how that works, and there are usually early clues should you recognize and choose to heed them. Even with an informal discussion like this, ask yourself who's communicating what they may have to offer and would like to give, as opposed to merely stating what they want. :popcorn:

boatpoker 20-10-2017 18:34

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Exile (Post 2503406)
The irony is that if you manage to hook up with a giving person and avoid the takers, each party will wind up getting more than they ever would have with the more self-centered and abusive approach.

Funny how that works, and there are usually early clues should you recognize and choose to heed them. Even with an informal discussion like this, ask yourself who's communicating what they may have to offer and would like to give, as opposed to merely stating what they want. :popcorn:

Words of wisdom :thumb:

Nicor 20-10-2017 18:55

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2503348)
Don't worry, she might first rebuild your galley and stores. She might say, "Here's list, go buy it and do not deviate from the list nor the brand."

Or she may say, "Don't worry darling, we will make due. Now go buy the stuff on the list."

A truer statement has never been spoken before, about women anyway.

BandB 20-10-2017 19:14

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Wifey B: With the attitudes toward women being posted by many of you here, no wonder you're single. :danger:

Olddan1943 20-10-2017 19:19

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicor (Post 2503430)
A truer statement has never been spoken before, about women anyway.

I meant that as a compliment to the ladies. Their "ways" are so very wonderful.
Relax, enjoy their company and the trial and successes of any and all emotional involvement.
Obviously she has good taste in men. She did choose you. SMILE


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