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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

AndyEss 11-01-2020 00:02

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3053499)
." I'm not opposed to an emotionally-based, boy/girl loving relationship, but I really don't have time anymore to argue that my splicing skills are way better and more efficient than your painting abilities, so you should shut up and paint the deck already while I go splice dock lines.....

Or something like that. Still working through that thought process :)

Gamayun - ya gotta stop dating Neanderthals. Who in his right mind wouldn’t acknowledge another’s superior skills?

JPA Cate 11-01-2020 03:18

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
For the younger ones among us.....it is not much talked about, but at some point in one's life, sexual congress becomes less important, and quality of reciprocity in relationships more important.

Ann

Saleen411 11-01-2020 20:03

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JPA Cate (Post 3053575)
For the younger ones among us.....it is not much talked about, but at some point in one's life, sexual congress becomes less important, and quality of reciprocity in relationships more important.

Ann

I was hoping that would be around age 90 or so?:biggrin:

alansmith 12-01-2020 03:31

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Maybe, I’m the odd pear in the fruit basket. But I enjoy marriage and what it brings to life. My wife is Chinese. She is my third wife. Married 18 years and three children. A bird living with a fish. Second wife was Russian and broke my heart when she passed from breast cancer. Then I married again at 63.

With companionship comes a different type of growth then when single. I’m not saying better... I’m saying different. I’ve never been treated better. We love so many things together. I agree with Ann Cate, 1 million percent, that reciprocity is important. There are things that rub me the wrong way at times but I believe that the relationship is more important than infuriating her with
My petty squabble. They say the atmosphere in the home is very important. I notice people’s intolerances on so many levels ...yet ignore their own deeply flawed natures.

I guess I’m lucky. If you can find someone that you can co-exist with. Man that is so fulfilling and adds a deep satisfaction in living. God, I just love snuggling up with her at the end of the day. Her soft legs entwined with mine. The scent of her hair in my nostrils. My hand cupping her breast as we drift off to sleep. It couldn’t be better.

Pelagic 12-01-2020 04:50

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Yup! [emoji179]

Checkswrecks 13-01-2020 18:43

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Not really cruising but we found our balance has been keeping two houses which are close, communicating constantly about everything every day, physically being together several nights a week and days when we we want. I needed something today and she dropped what she was doing to come over. There's a lot we like to do together but the kids are long grown and so we share without a lot of the minor daily hassles. It's a balance that has worked for us for years.

Besides, I don't need to hear all the reality shows every night and she is not subjected to my shop projects or sports.
:thumb:

Hunterdog 26-01-2020 16:19

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do.
Sounds like you do not love the crappy cat.

owly 29-01-2020 10:32

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunterdog (Post 3062662)
Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do.
Sounds like you do not love the crappy cat.


This is a great reply: "Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do"



I've lived my life that way......... Romance has been fairly sparse for me, but that's hardly an accident, as I've structured my life in ways that make me less desirable, at least to those with superficial desires. I don't need or want a lot of casual relationships. The average duration for me is 8-12 years. I'm fine solo...... I refuse to pursue... that should not be necessary. If the "magic" is there, you will find each other. To me a woman who "needs" to be pursued needs someone other than me.



As I look around me and see the unhappiness that people suffer in relationships, I'm not at all unhappy to be currently unencumbered. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone....... 2 years into his second marriage, his wife is having "buyers remorse"........ He doesn't understand why...... I see very little of it, but have a pretty good idea that rather than focusing on "her problem", a bit of self examination is in order. It takes two, and if the foundation that their marriage is built on is not solid, it has very little chance. What comes to mind is the definition of insanity...... doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I think that applies here but I can't put a finger on it exactly from the outside.



Personally I gave up on marriage 42 years ago...........

Singularity 29-01-2020 12:16

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by owly (Post 3064509)
...Just yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone....... 2 years into his second marriage, his wife is having "buyers remorse"........ He doesn't understand why...... I see very little of it, but have a pretty good idea that rather than focusing on "her problem", a bit of self examination is in order. It takes two, and if the foundation that their marriage is built on is not solid, it has very little chance. What comes to mind is the definition of insanity...... doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I think that applies here but I can't put a finger on it exactly from the outside....

Arguably this is putting your finger on it:

There's some extremely compelling science* to explain this phenomenon. It ultimately relates to brain chemical changes that occur between the onset of the relationship and 9-18 months after the start. Dropping (back to baseline) ~feel good/feel right hormones 9+ months into the relationship results in a perspective (i.e. emotional) shift that causes one to look at their purchase (and alternative options) from another angle. This is reflected in the lyrics to countless songs (e.g. "once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart"). Incidentally this appears to be the same neurobiology that compels people to buy more and more, newer and newer stuff in life, instead of just making do with the thing they bought 15 years ago that still would get the job done. Most people enjoy wanting more than having...it's sort of an adaptive biology thing, if problematic in relationships and personal economics.

If society knew this stuff it'd deeply cut into the livelihood of wedding planners, divorce attorneys, etc (assuming people in fact were looking to pair-bond for life instead of repetitively riding he emotional roller-coaster explained by the science). It'd also save people money by teaching them why they're addicted to buying new crap, but this too would ding the economy. *A quick google search can find many papers and lectures on the subject. Evolutionary biologists offer that the love cycle stuff lasts about a year or so for reasons having to do with maximizing mom's chance of finding the strongest possible dad such that her kids have the best survival chances. YMMV :)

owly 29-01-2020 13:08

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Singularity (Post 3064544)
Arguably this is putting your finger on it:

There's some extremely compelling science* to explain this phenomenon. It ultimately relates to brain chemical changes that occur between the onset of the relationship and 9-18 months after the start. Dropping (back to baseline) ~feel good/feel right hormones 9+ months into the relationship results in a perspective (i.e. emotional) shift that causes one to look at their purchase (and alternative options) from another angle. This is reflected in the lyrics to countless songs (e.g. "once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart"). Incidentally this appears to be the same neurobiology that compels people to buy more and more, newer and newer stuff in life, instead of just making do with the thing they bought 15 years ago that still would get the job done. Most people enjoy wanting more than having...it's sort of an adaptive biology thing, if problematic in relationships and personal economics.

If society knew this stuff it'd deeply cut into the livelihood of wedding planners, divorce attorneys, etc (assuming people in fact were looking to pair-bond for life instead of repetitively riding he emotional roller-coaster explained by the science). It'd also save people money by teaching them why they're addicted to buying new crap, but this too would ding the economy. *A quick google search can find many papers and lectures on the subject. Evolutionary biologists offer that the love cycle stuff lasts about a year or so for reasons having to do with maximizing mom's chance of finding the strongest possible dad such that her kids have the best survival chances. YMMV :)




In this case it is a relationship spanning many years..... off and on, so this doesn't quite apply 100%....... Marriage as a way to breath new life into a relationship is hollow, and I silently opposed it, seeing it for what it really was. Likewise having a baby together..... something I mentioned in a previous post....... You don't solve things, just defer them...... yes, the very same couple.

multi-hulls 13-03-2021 19:44

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I know where Venus is, but I think there's been some thread drift :whistling:

akopac 13-03-2021 20:46

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Try using amine-less epoxy

Albinvega27 13-03-2021 21:11

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 2hullvenus (Post 1908411)
I'm divorced.

I have a 50' corecell/epoxy catamaran that needs a year worth of work inside and another dump truck full of money, including several staterooms and a rig done. (quote for rig? $48,000) It's currently in power boat mode.

I've been having a lot of good luck lately meeting great, incredibly attractive younger women. However, as a generality, they are not interested in living with me on half finished boats, nor traveling or leaving their jobs/family.

These women were met online at first, then in real life. They are scattered throughout the usa, many of them inland.

They all have local lives and aren't ready to travel, nevermind on a boat that is still a construction project.

I'm getting older now and though I can still attract very, very attractive women, it's not going to be that way much longer. I'm in a window of opportunity looks/money wise to attract great ones right now. BUT... I'm wasting a fortune on my boat and have basically nowhere to host anyone still due to it being unlivable for females (i can tough it out just fine)

So... I'm seriously considering selling this boat as a project boat, converting a box truck and roaming the country to date/meet people. Later, with someone or when I feel like it, I could put the vehicle on a roro ship and send it to various countries, fly there and explore.

I have been on boats for my whole adult life, living aboard, making a living from them, etc.

Boats feel confining to me right now in that I can't get anywhere quickly or travel to most of the world (just to the harbors) with them.

I am stuck on the East Coast of the USA. I want to go to the west coast, the Midwest, to Europe, Asia. By the time I get this boat done and ready for ocean crossings, I'll be much older. I could get an rv done in a few months. It's just one room/bathroom and systems. The catamaran is huge. So many rooms. I have also developed an epoxy allergy helping the pro builders that built the boat, so I can hardly do the odds and ends without discomfort. I had planned to finish the interior myself.

I'd love to hire someone to do the interior, but couldn't afford much more than $15/hr take home for them.

What's a single guy to do?

Keep sacrificing my life to this boat, or get out and go live?

Why are there so many single guys on boats too? That's kind of disturbing to think I may end up as one of them (no offense, but I'm very into being with women... like it more than boats).

What should I do?

:whistling::whistling:I do some nice smiling while reading your post. Have had the same problem and thinking like you and came to a solution.:banghead::banghead:I need to get the womens out of my brain, since solitary life is hitting on my head (not the wall). I figured out in order to survive the "today female standard" I would need to buy my friends Swan 61. His Swan, made up for world cruising has even a chamber for vegetables. But the problem is, he configured the boat for singlehand circumnavigation. And if a female comes on board he would have to eliminate that chamber (which I love, btw). And that would take the boat immediately out of attraction again. So I realize, I better do more projection on "which are my goals in 3rd age", than continuing looking for my "perfect soulmate" in a time, in which my goals are so opposed to female hormons (50+ women get IKEA hormons, which means remodeling the house every 6 month at latest with you in it).
:peace::peace:I wanted to go with Tinder, 50Plus, Parship, even Craigs List (only for Sex). But not even the latest goes wihtout Viagra and I still don´t know, how Viagra will interact with Corona vacciantion. Maybe I get some brain bleeding like with AstraZeneca, don´t know yet?:nonono::nonono:I wonder where all this is going. Specially, how do I will continue sailing in between all the oil platforms offshore Texas and Louisiana, Windparks offshore Holland and newest, Orcas chasing my rudder offshore Portugal. God, I am getting to old for all that stuff... should I be looking for a chair in front of the cheminee? Even the storms have become harsher and liveaboard is getting more and more bored.:facepalm::facepalm:In the past we used to sit in the Marina having a table for singlehanders? Now, all we get is a Internet Forum for sailors with "very" experienced sailors and some Iphone, GPS and charting....:popcorn::popcorn: I´m definitely to old for hard questions.
Y´all have a good sailing... with or without your soulmates...

MikeHoncho 13-03-2021 23:44

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Albinvega27 (Post 3364320)
:whistling::whistling:I do some nice smiling while reading your post. Have had the same problem and thinking like you and came to a solution.:banghead::banghead:I need to get the womens out of my brain, since solitary life is hitting on my head (not the wall). I figured out in order to survive the "today female standard" I would need to buy my friends Swan 61. His Swan, made up for world cruising has even a chamber for vegetables. But the problem is, he configured the boat for singlehand circumnavigation. And if a female comes on board he would have to eliminate that chamber (which I love, btw). And that would take the boat immediately out of attraction again. So I realize, I better do more projection on "which are my goals in 3rd age", than continuing looking for my "perfect soulmate" in a time, in which my goals are so opposed to female hormons (50+ women get IKEA hormons, which means remodeling the house every 6 month at latest with you in it).
:peace::peace:I wanted to go with Tinder, 50Plus, Parship, even Craigs List (only for Sex). But not even the latest goes wihtout Viagra and I still don´t know, how Viagra will interact with Corona vacciantion. Maybe I get some brain bleeding like with AstraZeneca, don´t know yet?:nonono::nonono:I wonder where all this is going. Specially, how do I will continue sailing in between all the oil platforms offshore Texas and Louisiana, Windparks offshore Holland and newest, Orcas chasing my rudder offshore Portugal. God, I am getting to old for all that stuff... should I be looking for a chair in front of the cheminee? Even the storms have become harsher and liveaboard is getting more and more bored.:facepalm::facepalm:In the past we used to sit in the Marina having a table for singlehanders? Now, all we get is a Internet Forum for sailors with "very" experienced sailors and some Iphone, GPS and charting....:popcorn::popcorn: I´m definitely to old for hard questions.
Y´all have a good sailing... with or without your soulmates...

Well I wonder what he ended up doing since the original post was in 2015

Albinvega27 14-03-2021 00:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeHoncho (Post 3364357)
Well I wonder what he ended up doing since the original post was in 2015

Probably, since the threads are not self-eliminating due to time, he is still floating in endless Universe :-)


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