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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

boatman61 09-01-2020 08:48

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3052358)
I'll just leave this article linked here for those who are older, AND single, AND wanting a sailing partner whose interests and place in life coalesce with your own. According to the reasearch, men would likely have better luck finding a unicorn; it's even worse for women. To wit: "A 2017 study led by Michael Rosenfeld, a social demographer at Stanford University, found that the percentage of single, straight women who met at least one new person for dating or sex in the previous 12 months was about 50 percent for women at age 20, 20 percent at age 40, and only 5 percent at age 65. (The date-finding rates were more consistent over time for the men surveyed.)"

The Atlantic: What Itís Like to Date After Middle Age.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/a...wsstand-family

Women getting more picky with age, experience and fewer 'Raging Hormones'.. :biggrin:

sailorboy1 09-01-2020 09:29

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Near as i have able to tell is that single boaters tend to seem a little “strange”. The question becomes which came first:

- single boater
- strangeness

fish53 09-01-2020 09:47

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I'm single, 66yo and married twice. My working career was on the water as a professional captain and fisherman for over forty years. I'm currently living on my 28 ft. sailboat with my little dog. I wouldn't mind having a woman but in all my years of experience I've yet to meet a woman that truly wants to live a minimalist lifestyle on a smallish boat. I'm not saying they're not out there but the pool of suitable applicants is miniscule and I'm not holding my breath.

Pelagic 09-01-2020 12:31

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3052358)
I'll just leave this article linked here for those who are older, AND single, AND wanting a sailing partner whose interests and place in life coalesce with your own. According to the reasearch, men would likely have better luck finding a unicorn; it's even worse for women. To wit: "A 2017 study led by Michael Rosenfeld, a social demographer at Stanford University, found that the percentage of single, straight women who met at least one new person for dating or sex in the previous 12 months was about 50 percent for women at age 20, 20 percent at age 40, and only 5 percent at age 65. (The date-finding rates were more consistent over time for the men surveyed.)"

The Atlantic: What Itís Like to Date After Middle Age.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/a...wsstand-family

Pretty depressing article if you were to accept it.

Due to advances in medical treatments we are living longer, yet retaining the same Age stereotypes.

Unfortunately, moral judgements encouraging single people to stay within their age group when dating, is part of the problem in the States

In other countries, older women are now dating younger men, just as single men have been doing for generations. (Guilt free)

I just hope that older single women can break free of that mindset to stay within their age group when dating and they can find themselves a nice intelligent chewy [emoji57] [emoji4]

owly 09-01-2020 12:48

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3052358)
I'll just leave this article linked here for those who are older, AND single, AND wanting a sailing partner whose interests and place in life coalesce with your own. According to the reasearch, men would likely have better luck finding a unicorn; it's even worse for women. To wit: "A 2017 study led by Michael Rosenfeld, a social demographer at Stanford University, found that the percentage of single, straight women who met at least one new person for dating or sex in the previous 12 months was about 50 percent for women at age 20, 20 percent at age 40, and only 5 percent at age 65. (The date-finding rates were more consistent over time for the men surveyed.)"

The Atlantic: What It’s Like to Date After Middle Age.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/a...wsstand-family


I guess "older and single" (64) applies to me......... I don't "date" in any conventional sense, and have no real interest in seeking a "partner", aside from that enduring fantasy we all have of meeting the love of my life, my other half.... which I really do not believe in or expect. The idea that approaching strangers is not acceptable is laughable. I approach strangers all the time for enjoyable conversation, and have never felt that it was uncomfortable or unwelcome... nor am I insensitive to people's feelings. I like to keep things light, casual, and comfortable, not freighted with "romantic overhead"... but I'm not looking for a partner or even a roll in the hay. Perhaps it's like hunting versus walking in the woods. You see wildlife when walking, but when hunting they sense what you are up to and hide....... I seem to be at my best among strangers for some reason... My friends notice this, and don't really understand it.....nor do I. I'll meet a total stranger(s) in the Costco checkout, and they'll invite me over?? Iike my solitude, and I'm not sure I want to share it ;-)... but I've led an interesting life and done things other people cannot imagine, have a million stories to tell......... all more or less true. Just now I called a lady friend and asked her if she would like to join me on a hike Saturday, and she eagerly accepted... though it will be about 30F and snow on the ground... I knew she was lonely, and feeling cooped up, suffering from the annual SADS... I'd have been happy to go alone, and would cover double the ground, but why not share it with someone else?.........is that a "date"? Not in my book...But that is typical for me. "I feel like sailing down to ____ 'wanna go along?..... I'm doing it regardless, you can join me or not as you please.

Most people our age are "damaged goods" in some sense.... especially women unfortunately.

H.W.

Hardhead 09-01-2020 13:43

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
As has been stated, I think the key, really - is to just be nice in a platonic way, to be open to conversation, and to be engaged with the surroundings. Expect nothing to come of it, but if it does, don't hesitate to linger a bit. A lot of single people would like to meet new partners, but neither of a pair breaks the ice.

john61ct 09-01-2020 14:43

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I really have a problem with the assumption that being coupled should be the norm, that being single is an undesirable condition.

I think once compelling horniness has passed, older and wiser people are just more realistic about the compromises required to live with a significant other, and are less willing to make those trade-offs.

Sure if it happens fine, we'll give it a go, but it's just not a goal worth putting much time and energy toward "achieving".

Therefore, it usually just doesn't happen, and that's **just fine**.

If that were accepted as the new normal, maybe then we could move on to non-romantic relationships getting valued just as or more highly, structured arrangements more conducive to fostering companionships, co-housing, shared recreation spaces that cross all the age groups etc.

Since our natural communities have been dissolving, those connections need to be fostered intentionally, and setting aside the romantic/sexual aspect wojld really help make the process easier.

gamayun 09-01-2020 16:40

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I certainly believe being single is my norm. If you think of it in a historical sense, coupling is really only necessary for procreation and there's no biological need for it once past child rearing age. It's only been over the past half century that women have had an easier time being able to support themselves and life expectancies have increased substantially (one could only expect to live about 66 years in the US in 1950) so women have way more choices now. Yet, there are still more single women than men. I think it's unusual for a man to stay single for very long. Are men just "settling" because they don't like the new normal?

As to expanding one's options by seeking a younger mate instead of someone the same age, the same point can be made if people were to seek partners who are of different races and cultures as well as the same sex. Maybe join a powerboating group rather than just stick with sailors. It certainly would broaden the cohort.

Checkswrecks 09-01-2020 17:27

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I agree with gamayun that procreation has a lot to do with it and the following seems to suggest that:
https://etmoneyshop.com/wp-content/u...rates-2017.png

Once the kids grow and there's no longer seeing the other parents at the weekly school activities like sports, a lot of the marital glue is also gone UNLESS people have something else that they like to do together. Church, travel, etc, we need to have something to keep us together as friends.

Singularity 09-01-2020 18:08

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 3052502)
...Unfortunately, moral judgements encouraging single people to stay within their age group when dating, is part of the problem in the States

I'd suggest that socio-economic-legal issues in the US have largely overtaken the historic moral issue resulting in one dating outside their own age group. It's a third-rail topic, but the "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" concept routinely applies to older men (who learn/are encouraged to avoid dating same-age cohorts with a history of "having a change of heart" in a no-fault divorce world).

Change of heart seems biologically normative, while not knowing this can cost someone half their net worth. In the US more often than not (66-75+% of the time) it is the woman that has the change of heart. Men are disinclined to approach these women (with the the latter having increased difficulty finding a same-age partner, if so inclined to look). Did I mention third-rail topic?

Otherwise humans seem to have plumbing to live around 40 years on average. If not for clean water, vaccinations, and seat belts, we wouldn't have these problems. :)

lancelot9898 09-01-2020 19:05

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I've considered cruising by myself, but somehow I don't want to. I've been married most of my life and to three different women. And all three I remain friend with and feel fortunate having them in my life. Now that I'm older it's becoming harder in finding someone who enjoys exploring the wonders of this world. I'm planning on taking a road trip to Tucson this coming winter and hike the desserts and the local mountains. I'll probably go on match to find someone. There are many disappointments but nothing worthwhile comes easily. I did find someone who did enjoy the boat and sailing and we spent 11 years together until her passing some 3 years ago. We never married and I miss her very much, but for me life is about sharing the voyage be it on sea or land with someone you love.

Pelagic 09-01-2020 20:11

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3052648)
I certainly believe being single is my norm. If you think of it in a historical sense, coupling is really only necessary for procreation and there's no biological need for it once past child rearing age. It's only been over the past half century that women have had an easier time being able to support themselves and life expectancies have increased substantially (one could only expect to live about 66 years in the US in 1950) so women have way more choices now. Yet, there are still more single women than men. I think it's unusual for a man to stay single for very long. Are men just "settling" because they don't like the new normal?

As to expanding one's options by seeking a younger mate instead of someone the same age, the same point can be made if people were to seek partners who are of different races and cultures as well as the same sex. Maybe join a powerboating group rather than just stick with sailors. It certainly would broaden the cohort.

I'm glad that strong women have become more empowered and unfettered from the traditional supporting 'good wife' model.

But not all women are strong and not all men are strong in all things (or sometimes anything for that matter)

Some like to be protect and some like to feel protected.

Strong men are conditioned to protect, but modern women are fighting that mindset in a male partner resulting in a confusing angst within the relationship.

Perhaps that's why same sex relationships when good, are very good!

The importance of being selfish is to know and accept what your own basic needs are, then hopefully find a special friend whose own needs, compliment yours..
... or if you feel that's impossible, go it alone.

Marriage is the great killer of honesty, as you have already institutionalised your needs based on social and legal expectations. Why someone would consider marriage today, is beyond me!

My point is that statistics and trends about relationships are meaningless when you are looking into your own inermost needs in a relationship.

After 14 years in a wonderful relationship, we just love how different we are from each other yet somehow together, we both feel whole.

Perhaps Yin and Yang have it right?

gamayun 10-01-2020 21:50

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Pelagic, I think we're dancing around the same thought but maybe just saying it in slightly different ways. I just recently heard about "comparative advantage" (an economic term) described in terms of two people in a relationship. Say you're better at X than your better half but they have the time to do X. From a comparative advantage standpoint, your spouse/partner should do it instead. Not "you're the guy, you should do X." I'm not opposed to an emotionally-based, boy/girl loving relationship, but I really don't have time anymore to argue that my splicing skills are way better and more efficient than your painting abilities, so you should shut up and paint the deck already while I go splice dock lines.....

Or something like that. Still working through that thought process :)

Pelagic 10-01-2020 23:08

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3053499)

....., but I really don't have time anymore to argue that my splicing skills are way better and more efficient than your painting abilities, so you should shut up and paint the deck already while I go splice dock lines.....

Or something like that. Still working through that thought process :)

Yes, we are on the same page but I had to laugh at that splicing part.

I'm used to it cause Zaida talks to me the same way (I love it)

Already have that decision put to music if ever you were to sail with us. [emoji2]

Come on Baby... Splice my wire !

https://youtu.be/tqlBJclyuMY

AndyEss 10-01-2020 23:59

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 3052648)
I certainly believe being single is my norm. If you think of it in a historical sense, coupling is really only necessary for procreation and there's no biological need for it once past child rearing age.

I disagree profoundly that human sexuality is a fitting of complementary parts to create offspring. It is of course a bit of a chicken and egg thing, but homo sapiens is a profoundly social species. It is fascinating that besides ants, bees, some spiders (termites?) the only other social species on the planet is homo sapiens. Big, big gap in that genetic record. E. O. Wilson writes fascinating things about humans based on his decades of research on bees and ants.
Pair bonding is critical in any successful relationship (duh). Frans de Waal writes fascinating observations in studying bonobo and chimpanzees - our closest genetic relatives. Bonobos use female sexuality to modify social structure, chimpanzees use male violence: We evolved as a species using sex as the most powerful bonding agent. Just because many of us are older and having children isnít possible anymore, doesnít mean we are
just a collection of plumbing.


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