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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

gamayun 18-01-2018 22:20

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2558262)
I don't think anyone suggested it is the ONLY way to enjoy life.

Not the only way to enjoy life, per se, but I have seen some posts that said something like, "the experiences are so much better when there's someone else to enjoy them with." I would argue that the experiences are the same either way. What is happening, is that people who are by unhappily by themselves might DECREASE the value of these experiences when they don't have someone to share them with - that's understandable -- but not everyone has a need to do this. There are many moments, often when I am on my boat solo, that seem more powerful than when there's another person. I absolutely do enjoy the company of others on my boat and take friends/family out all the time, but perhaps I am more focused on them rather than the experience because it doesn't "feel" the same to me. Or maybe it is because I am most happy when absolutely unencumbered by anything/anyone else. Or is that the same answer :confused:

gamayun 18-01-2018 22:23

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Exile (Post 2558314)
Did that fix it for ya?? :smile:

Well, maybe, but I still love ya'll :biggrin:

JPA Cate 18-01-2018 22:23

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
What zee wrote about the lonely person's negativity struck a harmonic with me. It is pretty easy to let disappointment or rejection turn you into a withdrawn and needy person. The cure for that state lies within, and you can grow away from it by looking honestly at your own share of the blame....What you did, and how it affected both of you.

And then, after you've mourned the fantasy perfect relationship that was your failed dream, then, you are in a position to work on forgiving your ex partner and yourself.

You'll know when you've finished your part of the work, and if you're clear on what you want, and on what you have to give, then, just maybe, the universe will grant you an optimist partner. In my case, I am incredibly fortunate to have an optimist partner--we found each other when the time was right, and I don't think either was actively "hunting"-- who, in spite of being an optimist, could still teach me to ask all the time "What could possibly go wrong?" and, of course, the corollary: "what can we do about it?"

And, I really think it can be best for people to be un-partnered. I think partnering is only suitable for some people. I also think that being un-partnered you might be lonely, but not nearly so lonely as partnered but in a relationship that doesn't work for both of you. I definitely agree that lonely is way different from alone and content, or in harmony, with your needs and wants. It is really important to understand "nobody promised you a rose garden," [don't be surprised if your hopes are not met] and to maintain awareness of needs vs. wants.


Ann

gamayun 18-01-2018 22:30

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2558385)
I wonder if many women...(not the smart, independent ladies who post here)... don't do proper Due Diligence when choosing a husband, or remain focussed because the Government has structured a financial Safety Net if a divorce is pending.

I'd like to think of myself as one of those smart, independent ladies here, but after two divorces and other failed relationships, I know that I have chosen poorly and I'm probably not the easiest person to get along with. I have become wiser in my old[er] age, so I'd like to think I'd never make the same mistakes, but we are who we are....

As to a government safety net, I will fiercely defend what our U.S. government provides, though it is constantly being whittled away because rich men think poor people are just sitting around making babies all the time. As a very young, divorced mother who was both in college and working full time, if it weren't for government assistance at a critical time in my life, my son and I might have been left starving and out on the streets. Not all divorced men actually pay child support, ya know?

gamayun 18-01-2018 22:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Forgiveness, Ann. Yes, it's human nature to not want to let go of the anger toward those who hurt us or to seek revenge of past wrongs, but it's absolutely, positively critical to forgive so we can lead rich and rewarding lives whether single by choice or not. I would argue that forgiveness is the only way that can happen.

gamayun 18-01-2018 22:45

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Hey Weavis, made hard-boiled eggs in the Instant Pot today for my salads and then just made a lentil/spinach soup with cumin, curry and thyme that turned out perfect after sauteing the veges and pressure cooking the beans for 12 min. Amazing little beast that IP is!

weavis 18-01-2018 22:49

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2558597)
Hey Weavis, made hard-boiled eggs in the Instant Pot today for my salads and then just made a lentil/spinach soup with cumin, curry and thyme that turned out perfect after sauteing the veges and pressure cooking the beans for 12 min. Amazing little beast that IP is!

Now you see.. you could be my kind of woman on one level with this I.P. go getting attitude.....

:biggrin:

weavis 18-01-2018 22:50

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Ps.. Do Cauli or broccoli in a mesh basket and STEAM for 4 minutes.

Perfecto.

Pelagic 18-01-2018 23:06

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2558585)
There are many moments, often when I am on my boat solo, that seem more powerful than when there's another person. I absolutely do enjoy the company of others on my boat and take friends/family out all the time, but perhaps I am more focused on them rather than the experience because it doesn't "feel" the same to me. Or maybe it is because I am most happy when absolutely unencumbered by anything/anyone else. Or is that the same answer :confused:

I think anyone like us, who choose alternate lifestyles are "tested" by those that think
... there must be something missing in your makeup and give you well meaning advice Ugh!
I hear you about Alone Time and it is so important to me.

I can't help but start counting the hours when guests/friends will leave, even though I am enjoying their visit.

But with a partner in tune with your needs, you can be 1" apart yet left completely alone in your own space.....

I note and appreciate that with my partner as we have dramatically different sleep patterns which she has adjusted to

Life takes on a slow cook, when all is needed is a smile to say a million loving things.

weavis 18-01-2018 23:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I am often asked what does "not looking" mean?

Firstly, looking is about actively being engaged in searching out a partner. If I 'needed' for example, a car, I would go looking for one. There is a purposeful inquiry to find a vehicle and I have list of functions that I want. Im not looking...

Ive been married. I really enjoyed it. Truth be told, that home base, that coming home to someone, the sharing and warmth was perhaps the best comfort in my life. Yet as with all things if you dont have the ability to appreciate it enough for the other person, through youth and ignorance.. it will wither and die.

I have been divorced a long time. Had the opportunity to further my career, learn from my mistakes, dated a few women here and there and had a love a couple of times, and yet..... I learned to trust my inner warning detector when the flags went up. It didnt have to be anything wrong with the person, it was circumstances and what the future would hold if I stayed.

One beautiful and lovely person loved horses. We had a strong relationship. I just could not see myself living on a farm with horses... I tried, I really did. In the end it was a sad parting of the ways, but for the best.

I enjoy doing things on my own, or maybe Ive got used to it. People get on my nerves after a while. Everyone I see in my working life is dependent on me. They are sick and need care. I work sometimes 17 hours a day when the need is there.

So while I am "not looking", it doesnt mean Im averse to a marriage. It simply means Im open to examining the potential if it is presented, however, Im not actively seeking it.

If its going to be a fight from the get go, people established in their own lives and hobbies, families etc... I just nod and enjoy the moment. One relationship here that NEVER started was because the person had 3 children and grandchildren and the life revolved around them. I told her upfront after a few dinner dates and social events... she appreciated it, was disappointed and a little sad but knew it was for the best.

Am I selfish? I think to embark on a life with someone and ignore the reality of her situation and thusly what would become yours is selfish.

There is nothing a woman has that I want except the love that can be shared. If I feel her life could be enhanced by a relationship with me, and she feels the same, I might be tempted to explore further. If she is actively engaged in something that takes all her time and is passionate about it, and there is no room for me.... then there is no room for me in her life.

I try not to let past mistakes and experience colour my life. I keep busy. I would prefer to share but take what is.

I dont expect. I do what I do and enjoy it. A relationship is a choice, a commitment is a life altering experience. Gotta lessen the odds for a failure as much as possible.

I have my I.P. :wink: I have a friends with boats, I have my own. Im going to Hong Kong soon... A wife would be an enhancement, not the thing required to enjoy it.. It would be a completion of a life, not the main event.

Pelagic 18-01-2018 23:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
This got me to thinking if we sailors naturaly develop a different sleep pattern than shore based people, or is it just me?

gamayun 18-01-2018 23:20

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by weavis (Post 2558598)
Now you see.. you could be my kind of woman on one level with this I.P. go getting attitude.....

:biggrin:

Ha, ha! I can see having more than one IP on a boat, but getting rid of of one of the boats....? One of us would have to break first :nonono: (Oh, and it would not be me)

weavis 18-01-2018 23:21

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2558611)
This got me to thinking if we sailors naturaly develop a different sleep pattern than shore based people, or is it just me?

My sleep pattern is all over the place since medical training days... I adapt to needs on the boat and sleep mainly no more than 4 hours... I think Im tired all of the time but function OK...

weavis 18-01-2018 23:25

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2558614)
Ha, ha! I can see having more than one IP on a boat, but getting rid of of one of the boats....? One of us would have to break first :nonono: (Oh, and it would not be me)

You were SO close.... sigh.:wink:

gamayun 18-01-2018 23:26

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2558611)
This got me to thinking if we sailors naturaly develop a different sleep pattern than shore based people, or is it just me?

Just you :biggrin:


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