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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

weavis 10-01-2018 22:44

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by cyan (Post 2552964)
Wait. What?
How do you make sushi in an air fryer?

A complex operation to be sure....

:thumb:

daletournier 10-01-2018 23:23

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Meanderthal (Post 2552798)
Different ends of the spectrum. You seem to think because a country is beautiful, it cannot be another. Or that if one Western man is behaving badly, all Western men are behaving badly. That is as sigificant a fallacy as thinking all Asian men are domineering, or all Muslims are terrorists. In general, Western cultures provide women a great deal freedom in recent years. Not perfect equality, obviously. It would be difficult to get to perfect equality. One does not undo millenia in fifty years. But enough to be better off as a woman than we've ever been. [Yes, I am female].

You have to know, and deliberately pretend not to, that as a result,
most Western men, regardless of political affiliation, are conditioned to see women as approximately equal. The demographic I dislike is not representative of the majority, though it is still a distressingly large minority.

When a heterosexual woman who has obtained an education showing her that equality is hers whether or not the legal system says so, then gets in relationships, is she going to be happy with someone who doesn't see her as an equal? Generally no. Depending on her country of origin, she may find her Western education makes her more compatible with other people with Western educations. Does this mean she'd date the kind of sexual tourists who go to Malaysia? Umm. No. Different wants and needs.

As to coercion...poverty and repression is the ultimate cocktail of osmotic coercion. What, exactly, in this hypothetical scenario of free will you keep discussing for the poor woman in a poor country, are this hypothetic woman's other choices? Functionally, she has none. Her best option in life is to sell herself.

I do not object to her choices. I object to the men who practice sexual tourism to take advantage of aforesaid osmotic pressure. They let economic and social pressures and her own desperation or ambition work so as to grant themselves lily white hands.

I object to the disparity in wealth.

I also object to the notion that women's legal equality somehow threatens the value of a culture that heretofore repressed it. You could have (and perhaps would have?) applied that thinking to the cultures of dozens of western countries a hundred years ago. Repression is not a value I support, and a culture is not a stagnant pond.

Look, you'll think what you'll think. I am free to think it's bullsh%t. I just wanted to make sure a female with adequate inside knowledge of the practices involving mail order brides, access to details from the trenches of the sex trade, a decent background in international politics and history, and a decent travel record came on here and posted some of her thinking.

Will what I've said persuade you? I don't care. I just care my voice (or the voice of someone like me) is also represented on what is, mindbogglingly, one of the most popular threads on Cruisers Forum.

I am no more representative of my gender than any one reader is of theirs. But I am not dissimilar. In my motivations, desires, and needs, I bear as much resemblance to the woman in Bangkok looking for a husband to pull her out of poverty as to the network news producer in Hong Kong. I hope the woman in poverty succeeds. I hope she is happy. I hope her kids get everything she never had. I also hope we continue to work to build a world within the next few generations in which she can achieve all that without having to play the part of the grateful stray.

And now, my husband and I are sewing boat cushions.

Of course you are entitled to an opinion, but where I trip up is when you use the word "objective" as a club. The reason I asked your gender is because it has a bearing on your perception thus your ability to be objective.

Also regarding adequate knowledge, says who? the likes on Cyan don't have adequate knowledge?

Your posts seem very non "objective" to me, they reak of unintentional prejudice.

BTW, Cyan I've experienced that Filipino village life, rich but no money, it's a beautiful and very humbling thing, the laughter you talked about is just incredibly refreshing. Love the kids. The community, the family etc, those incredible attributes I'm not sure we have anymore. It brings out a better me.

cyan 10-01-2018 23:51

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2552981)
BTW, Cyan I've experienced that Filipino village life, rich but no money, it's a beautiful and very humbling thing, the laughter you talked about is just incredibly refreshing. Love the kids. The community, the family etc, those incredible attributes I'm not sure we have anymore. It brings out a better me.

Thanks, daletournier, I'm sure you and I could share some stories that would even warm the frosty hearts of those who judge from afar. I absolutely fell in love with the smiling small town people of the Phils. Humbling, indeed, as learned a thing or about what is needed for happiness. With just a few T-shirts and "sleepers" (flip-flops) to count as sole possessions, both kids and adults were filled with generosity and welcoming smiles from within.

The village where I went native for a while had running spring water piped indoors, and all the fish and jackfruit they could eat. On special occasions the older boys would free dive for clams, and eventually they shared their technique with me. A beach fire of coconut husks cooked the shellfish and red snapper. Homemade spicy sauce topped EVERYTHING. Oh, I forgot the free booze. Did I mention they had no money? No worries- make some tuba. Essentially coconut palm wine. Brown. Tastes a little like like port wine, but highly variable depending upon who made it, and how long it sat around in tropical temps.

These people had everything they needed in the world, and they had none of the possessions that I had. The kids attended school but the older ones often went for a swim and a clam dive if it was too hot. I spent so many lazy weeks pondering my own hectic life back in the US. Who was I to declare that I had to get back "to the real world"?? What kind of absurd hubris did I carry to think that my freeways and technology and job were SOOO important?!

I take those lessons with me today, years later. Maybe we got it all wrong in the West. Maybe the huge grins on the children of Samar are the hints we should all pay attention to.

Pelagic 11-01-2018 03:24

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Its nice to hear Weavis, Cyan and Dale reminiss about their impressions of the Philippines in the provinces and islands away from the seedy tourist areas.
Same as my own experiences.

weavis 11-01-2018 03:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I am not sure discussing the sex tourists in the Philippines is representative of the country and the people. It cant be denied that it is prevalent, however it does not even come into the field of view if a person is not involved or frequents the locations.

:flowers:

Olddan1943 11-01-2018 05:10

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Alas, my idea of good sex is going to bed early with the TV on.

daletournier 11-01-2018 05:20

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
6 Attachment(s)
Off topic I know, but discussing the Filipino villages brings back fond memories.

I chose not to have kids, don't particularly like western kids (not their fault) but I have so many good memories of kids throughout Asia hanging out on my boat over the years.

Sometimes they'd hang out all day and it was great. Having canoes or Bankas tied to the back of my boat or dinghy etc. Sometimes the boat would be full,just spontaneously happen, great stuff. Attachment 161989Lol.

https://youtu.be/klhnliwlRMM

BandB 11-01-2018 08:15

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by weavis (Post 2552967)

Love is love and relationships are personal. As long as both are happy... its a win win.

And there are all types of people in all parts of the world.

Sometimes one finds what they're looking for. Sometimes what they deserve. Sometimes horror.

You don't have to go far to find abuse. Walk through any crowded office building or mall and you'll pass abused women. The signs are there. If you work in an office with 20 men and 20 women, odds are you have an abuser and an abused.

At the same time the majority are still good people, looking for good relationships and to treat others right and be treated right.

Olddan1943 11-01-2018 08:20

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB (Post 2553173)
And there are all types of people in all parts of the world.

Sometimes one finds what they're looking for. Sometimes what they deserve. Sometimes horror.

You don't have to go far to find abuse. Walk through any crowded office building or mall and you'll pass abused women. The signs are there. If you work in an office with 20 men and 20 women, odds are you have an abuser and an abused.

At the same time the majority are still good people, looking for good relationships and to treat others right and be treated right.

And nothing is said about abused men.

Diesel Bill 11-01-2018 09:50

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by weavis (Post 2552967)
I have always been impressed with the smarts of Filipino women. The ones I know speak multiple languages, have a wonderful pleasant outlook and work hard.
The women I know, look for qualities in a man that they can live with, and despite a low income threshold, will not enter into an arrangement purely for being looked after.
There are others that will. Similar to every country in the world.

The Filipino culture is diverse depending a lot on the religious affiliation. I note most of my friends are Protestant and have a high moral character, attend church and use the family system to safeguard their chastity. Not saying all succeed but they try..:flowers:

Other races WILL and DO use the economic status of Thailand and the Philippine for their own sexual gratification, but not all men who visit go there to take advantage. I like the culture, I like the beauty of the country and I like the company of intelligent women, It is different to the West. I dont go to the bar scene, prefering local restaurants and the company of my friends and their friends. Perhaps because the group I associate with are of a committed Christian nature, the company feels better and more of a family atmosphere. Im not involved with their church orientation, but respect their stance.

Would I marry a Filipina? yes if all the boxes were checked. I wouldnt feel a transaction had been made, youth for money etc. For me its about the person, the family and the intention. I prefer a mature outlook in a woman and some life experience...

The one thing I THINK I would do, is live in the Islands if I were to commit. My close friend has a business in the UK and a condo in Cebu. three months in Cebu twice a year and 6 months in the UK. His Cebu wife has the best of both worlds.

Love is love and relationships are personal. As long as both are happy... its a win win.

I lived in the P.I. for 3 years and met my wonderful Filipina wife in Long Beach, Ca. back in 1987. Been happily (pretty much) married to her for 27 years. I'm a retired marine engineer and she's a retired nurse.
What I really want to know is how is the air fryer working out? I think I need one, but I like crunchy fries.:thumb: Will it make sushi?:facepalm:
This thread is becoming addictive.

weavis 11-01-2018 10:17

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I got on amazon... it hasnt landed yet....

Gordon gives it a thumbs up...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-w0mC94MfY

redhead 11-01-2018 11:07

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by weavis (Post 2553045)
I am not sure discussing the sex tourists in the Philippines is representative of the country and the people. It cant be denied that it is prevalent, however it does not even come into the field of view if a person is not involved or frequents the locations.

:flowers:

This

if a tourist from ________ (insert country; Japan, Austria, whatever) visits the US (or any other country on the planet), and visits only ________ (insert city; NYC, Boise, whatever) can they then return to their country and claim knowledge of that country/culture? The answer is obvious.

I was born in New York State. As far as I know, most people I've ever made that statement to think of Times Square, the World Trade Center and Rockefeller Center. They don't think of dairy cows, rivers or the Adirondack Mountains which is what I mean when I say the code word "New York State".

Whether we admit it or not, language is generally inadequate to describe what we mean in less than 1000 words, so we revert to code words like "New York State". The way you and I decode that word may be miles apart.

So when one person says "Phillipines" they mean small villages,a subsistance lifestyle and happy children and when another says the same word they mean sex tourism, poverty and inequality. The code words and the personal decoding of them are the problem.

Communication has always had this pretty serious flaw.

BandB 11-01-2018 11:28

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Olddan1943 (Post 2553178)
And nothing is said about abused men.

Who will hide it even more. I knot they're out there, but never have personally and knowingly encountered a male victim of physical abuse. It's very possible I don't recognize the signs as a I do with women and children. Our psychiatrist friend said she'd only had two adult male victims of physical abuse come to her and both hid it so well, she doesn't believe she would have suspected. For a friend to have caught it would have required them touching them, such as a pat on the back and then seen them react.

I'm sure their suffering is horrific and am aware of a couple who have spoken out.

BandB 11-01-2018 11:38

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by redhead (Post 2553320)
This

if a tourist from ________ (insert country; Japan, Austria, whatever) visits the US (or any other country on the planet), and visits only ________ (insert city; NYC, Boise, whatever) can they then return to their country and claim knowledge of that country/culture? The answer is obvious.

I was born in New York State. As far as I know, most people I've ever made that statement to think of Times Square, the World Trade Center and Rockefeller Center. They don't think of dairy cows, rivers or the Adirondack Mountains which is what I mean when I say the code word "New York State".

Whether we admit it or not, language is generally inadequate to describe what we mean in less than 1000 words, so we revert to code words like "New York State". The way you and I decode that word may be miles apart.

So when one person says "Phillipines" they mean small villages,a subsistance lifestyle and happy children and when another says the same word they mean sex tourism, poverty and inequality. The code words and the personal decoding of them are the problem.

Communication has always had this pretty serious flaw.

Every city, even small towns, have good and bad. When we recruited employees to come to work for us either in our corporate offices or elsewhere, we had a little trick we used. When they and their wife came to check things out, we arranged for a real estate agent to show them the city. No attempt to sell, just drive them to various areas. Before they were turned loose on their own, they got a half day of the good. Didn't let their first exposure be the rows of massage parlors or the housing projects or the bad neighborhoods.

We talk about moving to FL from Charlotte, NC. We didn't live in Charlotte. I did as a kid, but we lived on Lake Norman, officially in Huntersville initially, then Cornelius. Very different. Didn't work in Charlotte either. Went to Charlotte occasionally. Great city. Scary city. All in one.

Don't stereotype areas or people. Deal with individuals.

redhead 11-01-2018 11:44

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB (Post 2553350)
Every city, even small towns, have good and bad. When we recruited employees to come to work for us either in our corporate offices or elsewhere, we had a little trick we used. When they and their wife came to check things out, we arranged for a real estate agent to show them the city. No attempt to sell, just drive them to various areas. Before they were turned loose on their own, they got a half day of the good. Didn't let their first exposure be the rows of massage parlors or the housing projects or the bad neighborhoods.

We talk about moving to FL from Charlotte, NC. We didn't live in Charlotte. I did as a kid, but we lived on Lake Norman, officially in Huntersville initially, then Cornelius. Very different. Didn't work in Charlotte either. Went to Charlotte occasionally. Great city. Scary city. All in one.

Don't stereotype areas or people. Deal with individuals.

You just proved my point.


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