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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

wolfgal 04-01-2018 15:25

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by zeehag (Post 2548667)
boaty i would sail with any day any time.... same atoll and some others....

the rest will meet a very stringent vetting practice that appears mild and lax. hahahahahaha.

remember guys, when you list demands in a mate, you will be vetted accordingly, so make sure you aint out of your league, which is sooo often the situation.
AND donot demand of others that which you can not or will not also deliver.
and just bludi TRY to overcome first impressions. some of you come off quite opposite the way you seem to intend. that is merely human nature as many try to read attitude and intent into plain words.

Zee, you always come out with such surprising wisdom. we gals best take another look at boatie! :biggrin:

Pelagic 04-01-2018 19:19

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by cyan (Post 2548012)

There seems to be something magical underneath these good relationships that is the wonderful opposite of a culture clash. The man literally takes care of his woman in a way she was never accustomed to. The woman literally takes care of her man in a way he was never accustomed to. Good-good, no?

I think "that magic" is very good if that is what both parties want, but as gamayun said. ...not for everyone

More observation than secret after many years living in Asia.

Most of my expat friends with stable relationships are either Ship Masters...or... commercial Pilots, with these general personalities:

We are used to being totally in control of the lives of those entrusted to us.

We are open to alternatives but tend to always have the final say

We get all our domestic needs taken care of on board and do not develop very good household skills.

Our leisure time is precious, needing to decompress and we don't tolerate unnecessary household drama.

Very proactive in planning where travel is involved, but counter that with a laid back wanderer mindset at our destination with our loved ones

SE Asian women definitely prefer a strong loving guy to be in charge.

We help to empower them to overcome the cultural restrictions and shyness indoctrinated into them as young girls and delight in opening a new world, that they do not take for granted

In return, they bask us in their special love meant only for a life partner.
Unlike the canine snipe Ann made.... Loyalty is a two way street !

gamayun 04-01-2018 20:03

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2548906)
I think "that magic" is very good if that is what both parties want, but as gamayun said. ...not for everyone

More observation than secret after many years living in Asia.

Most of my expat friends with stable relationships are either Ship Masters...or... commercial Pilots, with these general personalities:

We are used to being totally in control of the lives of those entrusted to us.

We are open to alternatives but tend to always have the final say

We get all our domestic needs taken care of on board and do not develop very good household skills.

Our leisure time is precious, needing to decompress and we don't tolerate unnecessary household drama.

Very proactive in planning where travel is involved, but counter that with a laid back wanderer mindset at our destination with our loved ones

SE Asian women definitely prefer a strong loving guy to be in charge.

We help to empower them to overcome the cultural restrictions and shyness indoctrinated into them as young girls and delight in opening a new world, that they do not take for granted

In return, they bask us in their special love meant only for a life partner.
Unlike the canine snipe Ann made.... Loyalty is a two way street !

Ah see, veeeerrry interesting perspective here. This is what I was getting at but had not articulated it as knowledgeably and intimately. Sure, exceptions can be had, I'm sure, but with gross generalizations aside, this is the dynamic that I meant. It doesn't mean that Western women are not seeking a strong, loving guy -- every hetero girl wants that, right? -- it's just that the power dynamic of having a "guy who's in charge" is losing its significance for Western women. That's also the reason, I believe, for our angst. We want our guys strong and loving; yes, but we really don't want them to just tell us what to do and how to do things. This is especially true if the woman, for example, is economically self-sufficient, has her own boat, her own company, makes her own decisions, and so on. (No lie, but I have had at least three guys on my boat, two of whom barely knew how to sail, who could not take direction from me such as "I'm serious, tack now because we're not going to make the lee of that breakwater." :facepalm: It's such a conundrum. Maybe the younger generation is figuring it out, although as someone pointed out about the video that had been posted earlier....maybe not :banghead:

weavis 04-01-2018 20:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
2 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2548906)

In return, they bask us in their special love meant only for a life partner.
Unlike the canine snipe Ann made.... Loyalty is a two way street !

I still love my dog...........however he thinks I love the cats better. I will never tell..

:thumb:

Pelagic 04-01-2018 20:13

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by weavis (Post 2548920)
I still love my dog...........however he thinks I love the cats better. I will never tell..

:thumb:

Love that 2nd photo Weaves!
With a cat, you never quite know if your gonna get the fork or the spoon?....[emoji4]

daletournier 04-01-2018 21:11

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2548906)
I think "that magic" is very good if that is what both parties want, but as gamayun said. ...not for everyone

More observation than secret after many years living in Asia.

Most of my expat friends with stable relationships are either Ship Masters...or... commercial Pilots, with these general personalities:

We are used to being totally in control of the lives of those entrusted to us.

We are open to alternatives but tend to always have the final say

We get all our domestic needs taken care of on board and do not develop very good household skills.

Our leisure time is precious, needing to decompress and we don't tolerate unnecessary household drama.

Very proactive in planning where travel is involved, but counter that with a laid back wanderer mindset at our destination with our loved ones

SE Asian women definitely prefer a strong loving guy to be in charge.

We help to empower them to overcome the cultural restrictions and shyness indoctrinated into them as young girls and delight in opening a new world, that they do not take for granted

In return, they bask us in their special love meant only for a life partner.
Unlike the canine snipe Ann made.... Loyalty is a two way street !

I spent six years cruising Asia, saw the best and the worst of white men Asian women relationships. I've seen the sleazy bars filled with beer drinking western guys taking advantage of poor women. I also have friends that have relationships I envy.

I've walked down docks talking to mates that have very good Asian women relationships and seen the disapproval from western cruising couples (not all). I remember one particular time where a western couple was quite open with their disapproval yet personally I believed their own relationship was incredibly toxic, not sure they even liked each other, but they were happy to let everyone know they had some sort of superior moral high ground.

I think it's hard for western women particularly to understand that Asian women view the world differently, they value things differently and don't see their position as weak or less. They haven't grown up in the same environment as us. I see less competition in the relationship.

Often there is a economic component, So! If all parties are happy and it's a healthy relationship then why not. We lie to ourselves if we deny there's an economic component to western relationships as well.

When I first arrived in Asia I had the mainstream stereotypical western views regarding white men and Asian women, it's all about sex and money, that part does exist BUT overtime I come to appreciate why many men prefer being with a nice Asian lady and have been around a number of happy looking relationships, where both parties were content.

Pelagic 04-01-2018 21:36

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2548937)
... BUT overtime I come to appreciate why many men prefer being with a nice Asian lady and have been around a number of happy looking relationships, where both parties were content.

Then of course there is the highly practical and nautical consideration in favor of petit Asian women.......

More room for the guy in the boat bed. [emoji179]

Seriously, I am a strong believer in looking at each relationship without preconceived stereotypes and I wish we could all do the same

Just on the way back from Vietnam where relatives and their children met my partner for the first time.

All successful, including a Judge, a Dean of a prestigious law university, I could tell at first they had preconceived expectations as did their teenage kids.

It was nice to see how their minds changed as we got to know each other.
It is all you can hope for, but in really.....is a small priority.

cyan 04-01-2018 22:26

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by zeehag (Post 2548667)
so make sure you aint out of your league, which is sooo often the situation.

zeehag shows an interesting common view among Western women. (sorry to drag you into this) This "out of your league" concept does not apply the same way to a Western guy in Asia. Some of this is probably the meal ticket syndrome, but much of it is simply a cultural acceptance that the guy can be much older, thus more wrinkly. In the West, of course, this is generally frowned upon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelagic (Post 2548906)
I think "that magic" is very good if that is what both parties want, but as gamayun said. ...not for everyone

More observation than secret after many years living in Asia.
...

I'll stick with "secret", but your observations are quite interesting. I wasn't really referring to alpha males who need their household chores and meals sorted, though I can see how that would work out too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2548919)
...this is the dynamic that I meant. It doesn't mean that Western women are not seeking a strong, loving guy -- every hetero girl wants that, right? -- it's just that the power dynamic of having a "guy who's in charge" is losing its significance for Western women. That's also the reason, I believe, for our angst. We want our guys strong and loving; yes, but we really don't want them to just tell us what to do and how to do things.

This is a fairly recent conflict in the West, that is not really present in the same way in Asia. This angst is a relatively new thing, not found like this in previous Western generations. Perhaps we have yet to sort things out. My 1970's US grade school teachers rammed into our heads that boys and girls were identical in abilities and desires. It might take another generation for the damage from such absurdity to heal, for the genders to embrace and celebrate our differences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2548937)
I spent six years cruising Asia, saw the best and the worst of white men Asian women relationships. I've seen the sleazy bars filled with beer drinking western guys taking advantage of poor women. I also have friends that have relationships I envy.

I've walked down docks talking to mates that have very good Asian women relationships and seen the disapproval from western cruising couples (not all). I remember one particular time where a western couple was quite open with their disapproval yet personally I believed their own relationship was incredibly toxic, not sure they even liked each other, but they were happy to let everyone know they had some sort of superior moral high ground.

I think this is where the Western observer often becomes confused. There are indeed many sleazy bars where Western guys rent companions. The lazy observer will simply judge all ex-pat situations to be related to this scene, without any awareness of the wonderful relationships outside of this stuff. My friends in the region would probably add that there exists a jealousy about the common age differences that manifests itself as nosy disapproval by visiting Western women. The judgemental "she's out of his league" shows up a lot. (but that's another topic altogether)

Quote:

Originally Posted by daletournier (Post 2548937)
I think it's hard for western women particularly to understand that Asian women view the world differently, they value things differently and don't see their position as weak or less. They haven't grown up in the same environment as us. I see less competition in the relationship.

THIS.
The battle of the sexes just does not exist. The angst is not there in the same way. Typically the women will "be in charge", but in a more subtle way refined by centuries I would suppose.
There's probably a whole book there, as most Western guys with an Asian woman would talk your ear off about how his woman is ACTUALLY in charge.

gamayun 04-01-2018 23:18

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by cyan (Post 2548949)
THIS.
The battle of the sexes just does not exist. The angst is not there in the same way. Typically the women will "be in charge", but in a more subtle way refined by centuries I would suppose.
There's probably a whole book there, as most Western guys with an Asian woman would talk your ear off about how his woman is ACTUALLY in charge.

I'm confused....so guys WANT their woman to be in charge? If it's passively done, then this is manipulation. I find that whole dynamic to be very disingenuous and so abstruse :confused:

john61ct 04-01-2018 23:30

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Negotiations can be done with plenty of charm and a minimum of conflict. Especially when the issues that are critical to one are trivial to the other, the "deal making" often does not even need to be made explicit,

Nor even require any feelings of "compromise", mindful of the spirit of win-win, both striving actively to make the other happy.

cyan 05-01-2018 00:06

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun (Post 2548953)
I'm confused....so guys WANT their woman to be in charge? If it's passively done, then this is manipulation. I find that whole dynamic to be very disingenuous and so abstruse :confused:

I don't think it's that simple. It seems to be a running joke among many Asian women that their guy only THINKS he is in charge. The term manipulation is a bit strong, but on the right track here. The guy is expected to be strong and decisive, and the whole arrangement supposes this. However, there is often a certain (ancient?) art to the woman guiding the decisions in subtle ways.

(here we get to the details that might be offensive, but no harm intended...)
Surprisingly, this subtle guidance does NOT typically include using intimacy- as in withholding or granting to get one's way. In fact, the opposite is typically true, in comparison with the West. Ask any ex-pat guy in the region, and he will most likely tell you that his Asian partner would never THINK of rationing intimacy to get her way. (hot meals?, ok maybe) Many ex-pats I know would laughingly describe their past experiences with Western women who use sex as a prize and a bargaining tool, which drastically contrasts to their current Asian mate. One could point out a number of reasons, but I promise you that this is a common underlying theme.
Maybe you can imagine how a displaced Western guy might perceive such differences, to the point of using words like "secret"?

alansmith 05-01-2018 00:44

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Boatman... ha ha. U cracking me up.

boatman61 06-01-2018 03:42

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by alansmith (Post 2548964)
Boatman... ha ha. U cracking me up.

If I can make just one person smile each day.. my life is complete.. :flowers::thumb:

zeehag 06-01-2018 07:16

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by boatman61 (Post 2549688)
If I can make just one person smile each day.. my life is complete.. :flowers::thumb:



right on amigo.

why i would sail with boaty and not some of you guys.... boaty is laid back but professional. boaty has a well ingrained sense of humor.
boaty knows how to sail. boaty is old and wise. like me. same age. similar bad sense of humor an dneed to make folks smile and laugh.
even tho boaty smokes i still would sail with him.
atoll would be good to sail with also.
i prefer to sail with someone with whom intellectual give and take is understood not idiotic. i have sailed and i have vetted some really lazy and unintelligent men and some very self absorbed women. have also sailed with gems.
i prefer to sail with those who donot need to be told what to do. (gems)

Robinschimming 08-01-2018 08:58

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
I am a 42 year old single woman thinking about buying a boat to live on and renting out my house. Soo much to learn it's rather scary... can I really do it physically..financially??? Will I be in complete solitude or meet some cool like minded people ...
I looked up single men living on boats and it brought me to this ... so would I be a unicorn or am I too old to be counted lol 😂
Certainly not having to throw myself at a man bc he has a boat to hang out on nope not the "young nimble hottie" I'll have my own boat ...that is when I buy one lol
My opinion is if a guy prides himself on being able to attract very very hot way younger girls maybe he needs his ego stroked and scared he can't stack up to the wants and needs of a more seasoned woman ... the term douche bag comes to mind and it wouldn't matter if you have water or land under foot


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