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-   -   Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look. (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f74/single-men-living-aboard-and-cruising-an-honest-look-152569.html)

monte 07-09-2015 06:44

Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
2hv, you seem pretty rushed to make a decision. I think you should step back from it all for a while and let some clarity come. Leave the boat for a while, put it on the market if you like but not at some bargain project price...closer to what you have in it so there's no regrets if it sells. You can always buy or build another boat if you choose to later, or take up Wendi's offer :p
It sounds to me like part of your dream was to build, sail, charter your cat with your ex, and without her the dream has died. So ask yourself..what is my dream? Once you know that you can follow the path to make it happen.
Funnily, I once spent a bit of time on an online music site and made a lot of e-friends. One of my plans at the time was to buy a van and trip around the USA meeting them all...52 states in 52 days. Not really a dream but something fun for a while. Around that time I also met my love and she asked me what was my dream. I laughed and told her when I was a kid I always dreamed of sailing around the world and making toys on board to sell at each island along the way. She liked the sound of that dream so here we are... :p

bob_77903 07-09-2015 07:06

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkJ (Post 1909154)
Cruising sailors cruise.

Writers write.

Actors act.

Politicians bull$hit...

And sailors sail, think I'm one of those....

I thought cruisersforum members bull$hit:biggrin:

valhalla360 07-09-2015 08:14

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Reminds me that solo sailors are solor sailors for a reason.

Without a total remake of your personality, the odds of a long term relationship are next to nil. Of course total remakes of your personality are a tall order.

coolboat30 07-09-2015 08:16

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
You answered your own question! You are "wasting money" on a boat that represents a "confining" life style. If I felt that way I would follow my feelings and get out now. Be who you are, do what you want to do and the right woman (women) will be there. I can tell you that if you have OK genes and take care of yourself, you can have young and attractive women around for a very long time. (If that continues to be important to you.)

tinkrman69 07-09-2015 08:26

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishbreath (Post 1909084)
I my opinion …well …women want you to buy a house for them to decorate and then re-decorate…..and then when its paid off… after that …when get their every needs met you can buy a sail boat.
But if they are “going to meet you for a sunset sail on your yacht” well they like that… as long as you plan on one day selling the boat and giving them all the money for a house and of course more decorating.
As my dad told me once and now 25 years later I understand… “Son..Its a trap”. Most women love to talk about a great adventure or travelling to exotic places.. till the journey starts … my advice is “dangle the carrot in front of them as long as you can.. “ or just sail off too the next marina… Oh and don’t kill fish in front of them…it freaks them out… most think seafood comes from a store… best if you bash the fishes head in and fillet it when they are not watching….

Wow, thats a pretty low opinion of women. you get what you express. If that is the way you look at women, that is what you will attract.

Thought precedes reality. Look for good, expect good and accept diversity and life will amaze you.

look at history. the women that go out on the sea or adventure out into any thing rigorous. Didn't accept the sh**ty end of the stick society handed them. If you always push people into a box all their lives, they will become slaves to that box. Sexism comes from the Fear that she might do it better.

If my wife were still on this plan. We would still be learning from each other and standing side by side. Hell, I still learn from our past.

PEACE LUV & HAPPINESS

tuvia47 07-09-2015 09:01

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
There 's a company in israel name poliron. Ask them .

Fishbreath 07-09-2015 09:21

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
tinker.. i was trying to be funny..
I'm sure there is someone who will find it very funny...

Muckle Flugga 07-09-2015 09:32

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishbreath (Post 1909284)
tinker.. i was trying to be funny..
I'm sure there is someone who will find it very funny...

I am sure there are. :rolleyes: Then again there are people who enjoy watching animals being tortured to death…

This whole discussion reeks of a sexist attitude that seems to mistake both what a woman might find genuinely attractive (beyond merely a cute smile and a line) as well as ignore the fact that there are many accomplished female sailors and maritime professionals on this very forum! Really. Grow up the lot of you. :rolleyes::nonono::nonono::trash:

zeehag 07-09-2015 10:03

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
rodlmffao..
you are single man seeking a single woman to endure fg and resin itchiness, wood splinters in her butt, and other dismal boat building bs. ok and no sailing as you build. hhhmmmm
as flustrated as i get because my formosa failed to maintain actively mobile status for short time, i still love it more than any other kind of boat. and she is afloat.
you might consider, as you are still a child of 40 something, that older ladies prefer their boats already finished enough to not have to endure that misery.
and younger ladies have no idea what you are trying to do, and consider the lifestyle you shove em into as inferior. \
good luck. you need to improve first then seek.
or sell, buy something realistic, then seek....
or rv it.
you aint sailing, aint even in the water..what is the draw???

RTB 07-09-2015 10:33

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by monte (Post 1909169)
It sounds to me like part of your dream was to build, sail, charter your cat with your ex, and without her the dream has died. So ask yourself..what is my dream? Once you know that you can follow the path to make it happen.

You nailed it. Exactly!

If nothing seems to have changed in the last couple of years (from what I know), time to sell and move on. I really hate to say that, because it is such a waste of talent and quite a few years (and plenty of boat bucks) already invested. Not to mention that you already have a business plan that works. On the plus side, you'll no longer need to concern yourself with hurricane season, right?

Attachment 108573

Even the Bums are travelling on land again. In a 1966 Dodge Travco. Bumfuzzle » Travco Costs

Ralph

Fishbreath 07-09-2015 11:32

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
yes woman love to sail too and lots are much better than me at it..

Next time ill write.. "most men get married and get a sail boat later in life"...
oh funny... not really?

My point is that a "majority" of women (including woman that sail) don't want to live on a boat for more than a few days at a time.. there I add a disclaimer ...

and just for the record....there is no torturing of the fish.. its catch , kill and eat... I grew up on the pacific ocean and always drag a line.. even when sailing... into a pan and cooking in minutes.

mainesail 07-09-2015 11:52

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Great Comments gentlemen. I finally got out of project boat mode by getting an excellent classic plastic deal on a nice boat with a broken mast-scared away alot of people-I'm a rigger, maybe that helped not be intimidated. I'm headed south in a month-sold the project and even broke even (except for some of the sweat). This is a hugely buyers market, if you have even a little katch..ing.
I fully agree with the "live your life" comments. The reason you see so few single women sailors about is that most aren't drawn to doing it alone, but with the right guy in a clean, comfortable and safe boat (not floating condo), many will go for it. Get off the boat and find some land connections. I have a full land and water life in winter in St. Pete and Maine in the warm. Fair Winds all.

wolfgal 07-09-2015 12:09

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
it seems you have gotten loads of advice (all the stuff anyone would want a shrink say during the very first sitting!); and much of this sounds like great advice. i admire your courage to bare yourself and take the advice and the hits and all the rest.

it does seem that leaving that dead-dream associated with that unfinished-project behind could be the right thing for you. whether you step back for a while or sell the boat or whatever, it sounds like you would benefit from just turning the page on that chapter of your life.

turning the page goes for the divorce too. it sounds like you feel emptied by it and feel the need to fill the void -- and very understandably. the excitement that comes with seducing-and-flirting-and-seeking can help make it seem as though there is another, happier chapter of life coming, another horizon to be had... yes... but please keep in mind that your internet-girl-quest-thing could be just a bandaid on the bruise. so if you come up with no one after you travel from one to another, please do not be overly disappointed.

besides (as many have stated), those 1% gals who love the sea and adventure in the real sense, as in under the stars, roughing it, camping-style and even under the rain, at various velocities and intensities... these gals aren't likely to be looking for you or anybody else on internet. (most one-percenter-sailors i know want her own boat, even to fix; and those gals are working their asses off to succeed). so at the end of this internet-girl-quest-thing, you might find you did not find 'the one' but that you did put distance between you and your divorce -- and this may be exactly what you need.

and as many have stated here, you may need a moment to redefine yourself and your outlook before real love can enter into your life again. this happens in different ways; it's the hard part and can take different experiences... and time.

so... keep in mind what another sea-lass already stated on this thread: that many of those 1 percenters are probably going to be a bit older. i agree. the have-a-family-thing takes a big chunk of their time. some families cruise (and how i admire them!), but many one-percenter-gals are, for various reasons, stuck until the family-thing is done. please keep this in mind, for when you are really ready to meet her.

you are in a rough patch for the moment, yes, so all you can really do is hang in.

good luck to you.

JPA Cate 07-09-2015 14:05

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
2hullvenus,

Having been through a divorce, I'll comment that it is like throwing Christians to the lions--for each party to it. [I'll just comment here that we have no idea whatsoever of "the other side of the story," something I think is a good thing to keep in mind when responding.]

Full recovery from a divorce comes mostly from really accepting what one's own share in causing that event was, and from forgiving the ex. It requires self honesty. Hard emotional work.

I suspect there's a part of you that really wants to finish your super cat. Otherwise, you would not have accepted the project.

No one can make your decision for you, and it really doesn't matter what we think.

You must decide if you're finished with the boat, or want to make a go of that.
You must, anyway, accept the emotional pain that you have: the more you fight against it, the more it gets in your way. Feel it, let it go, and get on with whatever you decide will be the next steps of your life.

Ann

2hullvenus 07-09-2015 15:49

Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by monte (Post 1909169)
2hv, you seem pretty rushed to make a decision. I think you should step back from it all for a while and let some clarity come. Leave the boat for a while, put it on the market if you like but not at some bargain project price...closer to what you have in it so there's no regrets if it sells. You can always buy or build another boat if you choose to later, or take up Wendi's offer :p
It sounds to me like part of your dream was to build, sail, charter your cat with your ex, and without her the dream has died. So ask yourself..what is my dream? Once you know that you can follow the path to make it happen.
Funnily, I once spent a bit of time on an online music site and made a lot of e-friends. One of my plans at the time was to buy a van and trip around the USA meeting them all...52 states in 52 days. Not really a dream but something fun for a while. Around that time I also met my love and she asked me what was my dream. I laughed and told her when I was a kid I always dreamed of sailing around the world and making toys on board to sell at each island along the way. She liked the sound of that dream so here we are... :p

Monte, I think you're right.

I'm going to just step back, continue finishing it and maybe just buy a van to go further afield inland when the urge arises.

I'll keep working on it, getting it closer and closer to a place I can invite females back to.

This is the best path, I think, now that the mental storm is settling.

I met a girl from South Africa last night here in Florida. As a data point, she is very, VERY interested in the boat and would be gone in a day on it if it were ready to cruise. Going out to dinner with her tonight (met in a bar last night).

So... maybe it's American women that are less compatible with boats..? who knows?.

Your advice is sage and is the path I will settle on now that the initial mental storm is settling down.

Ideally, I should just have both. The boat and a simple van for trips inland. I think this is what I'll do.

Thanks to all for posting, giving constructive advice and generally reading my breakdown, play by play.

Literally, the build has isolated me from everyone, so... i literally had no one else to talk to except the internet.

You guys were all very helpful and I'm glad to have provided some entertainment along the way. :biggrin:

Thank you. Solution achieved.

Keep boat, get little van to explore.


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