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Sonosailor 23-06-2004 05:11

Getting in Shape for Sailing Season
Hope you don't mind a little humour. I'm quitting my job to go sailing, and found this on my office hard drive. Not sure where it came from (I hope not already posted here), but it does sound like it could be useful:

Getting in Shape for Sailing Season

Well, the answer quite frankly comes down to proper conditioning.
I've found that hours spent in a health club or fitness center is time wasted and could lead to injury or embarrassment on the boat. You need only concentrate on those muscle groups you'll be using the most! That is why I follow a sailing specific training regimen to keep me at peak "championship" condition. This year I've decided to share my pre-season training program with you all. Try this over the next few weekends and you'll be "America's Cup Class" in a jiffy.


To best prepare yourself for the sailing season I recommend these time tested exercises:

1. Buy a case of beer, sit it in a very warm place for a several hours, then drink it.

2. Apply sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun lamp for 2 hours.

3. Sit on a bench with large metal screws, bolts and other fixtures that protrude into your butt and legs, stare straight up into the sun for two hours - For a more robust workout: invite 4 friends to come over and yell at you the whole time.

4. Go to bank and withdraw $1,000 - then light it on fire. Repeat as necessary.

5. Take a large duffel bag. Fill it with enough clothes for a weekend - then fill it with water. Put on and take off every article of clothing in the bag while standing on a rocking chair.

6. Take your wrist watch, pound it repeatedly against a metal pipe and drop it into the sewer, try to fish it out.

7. Pour ice water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate between hopping on and off a rocking chair.

8. Put on rain/ foul weather gear. Lay down in the driveway. Have a friend spray a garden hose at full blast at you while you roll up and down the driveway for a hour. Stop. Attempt to take a nap for 15 minutes with the hose still on you, then repeat the exercise.

9. Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them into a bread bag - leave them in the sun for 12 hours... eat them all at once washing them down with the beer from number 1.

10. Tie ropes to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but allow rope to slip through fingers as car drives away. TIP: works best without gloves and rope lengths in excess of 50'.

11. Upon completion of previous 10 drills - sit down and drink 14 Lamb's or Mt Gay Rum drinks, any flavour. Without brushing your teeth, attempt to strike up a conversation with anyone who accidentally makes eye-contact with you.


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