The unequally capable cruising couple

[thinwater]

I think this sort of situation is more common than many realize, and certainly more common than builders accept, from what I see. I've faced similar issues.

Once at a boat show, while sitting in the cockpit of a good sized cat with about 10 VIP/press day guests, the average age of buyers really sank in. I said "OK, let's have a show of hands. How many thave either had major joint surgery or your spouse has?" Every hand went up. I said "What do you think about the thigh of the steps?" They rumbled that, yes, they were much higher than home and hand holds were lacking. I turned to the 30-somthing sales folks and said "Well?" They mumbled. They didn't understand the obvious truth that people that have $750,000 to plop down are generally older and are buying a boat for 5-10 years hence.

Having been in similar shoes...

• Get really good at singlehanding. Then taking older guests is easy. It's not that hard, it just takes practice, planning, and a simple autopilot for hoisting etc.. Padding the slip for single handed docking is smart. And if you pick up a few scuffs... so what. Rub rails also help.
• Modify steps and add hand holds where needed. The situation is not going to get better, so you are building for the future. Done neatly, you will find it increases resale value.
• Consider getting a different boat. There are considerable differences in ergonomics. Don't look at the boat in terms of what you think is pretty or what the "blue water" experts say you need, look at it in terms of what works for the sailing you will do. I found a cat that worked, but my wife agreed that there were a few monohulls in the same range that would work for her. The companionway and boarding are big issues.
• Sail by yourself part of the time. It is good for practice and changes the routine. For me, it allows me to get big-wind sailing out of my system occasionally, without tossing my wife around the boat.

[seasick]

I suggest that if your wife isn’t proficient at docking your vessel, that you find a safe place to practice this over and over until she is as confident as you or more so in getting into and out of a slip etc. This way you can be the person who leaps across to the dock and ties her up. Everything else is pretty straight forward and may be delegated to the person most inclined.

[dangerfield55]

I sailed a CAL 24 on northern Lake Michigan for many years. If you have an autopilot it’s a great size to single hand. If not her steering while you hoist and lower sails will make your trip safer and less stressful. My advice would be to encourage her to go. Your job will be to make it stress free. Sail in fair winds/conditions. Don’t push yourself, her or the boat hard. There is always next year.

[Hobiehobie]

The three hardest things about single handing are
1. Docking/mooring/anchoring
2. Keeping a lively look out 24/7
3. Not having someone to share stuff with

Sounds like you have a partner that can help with all three. For docking and anchoring and picking up a mooring ball, she can take the wheel and you should jump around the deck.

[StuM]

Originally Posted by seasick

This way you can be the person who leaps across to the dock and ties her up. Everything else is pretty straight forward and may be delegated to the person most inclined.

No one should EVER have to "leap across to the dock".

I certainly don't allow it. If it can't be done with a controlled step, back out and come in again.

[dangerfield55]

I have done the Apostle Islands. Very sheltered so limited fetch for waves to build. If you trailer your boat the hardest part will be rigging it and launching it. A true marriage killer. Except for the water temperature, it’s a benign place to sail.

[billgewater]

Think how you may feel later if you don't provide her with every opportunity to join you and be involved. Guilty as hell. She may surprise you.
If it does not work out would you sail off without her? That is probably the real question you should be asking.

[gulfcoastsailor]

Where I am we call them “side-dishes”. Not a bad thing, just some one with limited sailing ability. If by chance that person is a loved one all the better if they are a willing participant. Just enjoy the company!

[Jammer]

Originally Posted by dangerfield55

I have done the Apostle Islands. Very sheltered so limited fetch for waves to build. If you trailer your boat the hardest part will be rigging it and launching it. A true marriage killer. Except for the water temperature, it’s a benign place to sail.

Thanks, that reinforces my perception.

Launching and retrieval is no big deal for me, 3/4 ton 4x4 long wheelbase truck, 10' tongue extension on the trailer. Done it many times with other boats, draft will complicate it a little but not much. I won't let it become a drama.

My boat came with an elaborate telescoping gin pole with its own winch. The previous owner claims one person can step the mast with no drama whatsoever and left written instructions.

Originally Posted by billgewater

Think how you may feel later if you don't provide her with every opportunity to join you and be involved. Guilty as hell. She may surprise you.

It's not as black and white as you think. She can and should make her own choices. It's my job to provide a safe environment and to provide an environment that is predictable and comfortable given her situation. That's harder than you might think. It's easy to cross the line from being supportive to being unrealistic. I've erred on both sides.

If it does not work out would you sail off without her? That is probably the real question you should be asking.

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say but I'll take your question at face value and in a positive light.

I've had years to sort this out, and if you've never been in a loving, committed relationship with someone who is no longer physically able to be the person who she was when you were first together, you'll probably have difficulty understanding. We celebrate what we still share. And as for sailing off without her, well, yes, if she can't/doesn't/shouldn't/won't come along for some/all of the trip, then I'm still going to sail. But I won't sail to some deserted island paradise in the Indian ocean. I'll sail around instead of sailing away. I'll do up some coastal cruising, lakes, rivers, and it will be part time, and we'll be together on shore when we can, and make it work.

I'm not going to sit on the couch and watch daytime TV for the next 30 years. It's not realistic, it wouldn't work, and she wouldn't want it. She chose to marry an adventurer, after all.

[thinwater]

Docking needs to be a one person skill with no leaping. Practice.

[elandra65]

Without knowing the details of her medical conditions I will have to assume that it is safe for her to be away from medical help for extended periods. If that is the case definitely take her along. Even though I mostly sail with my wife I am the only one that pulls the strings and has the interest to do so. So basically I am single handing. All my wife does is lookout on watches and attends to domestic stuff and that is her decision. You are fortunate that she wants to go. Many don't with the result that the boat is eventually sold.

Good luck with it.

regards

Andrew

[Juho]

Sailing is an almost perfect outdoor activity for you two. You are quite well off with an autopilot and one strong crew member. Just go for it.

[blueazimuth]

Very interesting question with only one answer.
You will have to think and train yourself as a singlehander.
Not only will she be a companion and a good one, something that singlehanders don't have, she'll be a reliable crewmember in many essential situations such as standing watches, especially in high traffic situations or when you must rest.
Talk it through with her, plan it out and, of course, take her.

[u4ea32]

Jammer, sounds like you have the right relationship and attitude to pull this off.

Here is a video of a friend I've sailed with many times. He broke his back during the US Championship for freestyle skiing doing an aerial manoeuvre, and is paralyzed from about his rib cage down. This boat is the fastest sailboat in Hawaii unless something like Merloe or Lending Club.

Sailing Catamaran - fastest boat in Hawaii!Â*-Â*HXS - Hawaiian Xtreme Sports TV, Hawaiian Extreme Sports TV

Sails by Smyth of course. He's physically handicapped, but he is very smart! Ha ha!

He bought a Cat from me long ago, and turbo'd it until it literally ripped to pieces in the Molokai Channel. So he bought this all carbon cat from France, and has turbo'd it tremendously. It has not blown up yet!

[u4ea32]

Here are a couple of pics of Peter sailing Illusion, on his way back in to the Ala Was on close out days. He does this whenever he can.

https://goo.gl/images/9nzMst