Social development for kids on boats

[vasiliy]

So I read several times that kids that don't have a stable home/place when they are growing up will be at a big disadvantage of having appropriate emotional (?) or social development. The stories I read about specifically are from adults who had to move a lot when they were kids due to parents' jobs, etc. They could not get establish long-term friendships with peers and some even had to turn to therapy when they grew up. Living on a boat seems to face similar challenges.


Most of people who commented on this topic in another forum (not here) indicated they would not subject their kids to such travel/frequent movement when kids get to the high school age (before high school they said it might be okay, but still not ideal).



What have you experienced or read or maybe have research links about this topic? We are planning on moving to a boat at some point and sailing blue water and have three kids (they will be 8, 12 and 15) at that time so they are three of them which might help, but we are still somewhat worried about their well-being.


Of course we fully understand that any potential negatives from what I described above may be offset by the array of experiences/skills/life-long memories they can gain from sailing full-time.

[SalingSue]

Originally Posted by vasiliy

So I read several times that kids that don't have a stable home/place when they are growing up will be at a big disadvantage of having appropriate emotional (?) or social development. The stories I read about specifically are from adults who had to move a lot when they were kids due to parents' jobs, etc. They could not get establish long-term friendships with peers and some even had to turn to therapy when they grew up. Living on a boat seems to face similar challenges.


Most of people who commented on this topic in another forum (not here) indicated they would not subject their kids to such travel/frequent movement when kids get to the high school age (before high school they said it might be okay, but still not ideal).



What have you experienced or read or maybe have research links about this topic? We are planning on moving to a boat at some point and sailing blue water and have three kids (they will be 8, 12 and 15) at that time so they are three of them which might help, but we are still somewhat worried about their well-being.


Of course we fully understand that any potential negatives from what I described above may be offset by the array of experiences/skills/life-long memories they can gain from sailing full-time.

I don’t think that’s true.

Think having a proper mother and father figure are far more important.

I know more military brats who have done well compared to local yocals.

[dwedeking2]

Originally Posted by SalingSue

I don’t think that’s true.

Think having a proper mother and father figure are far more important.

I know more military brats who have done well compared to local yocals.

Agree. We moved frequently growing up and my brothers and I are all productive members of society with no more or less issues than most people.



I've met a few people that grew up on boats and have met kids that live on boats. My impression is they tend to be a bit more mature (maybe from spending more time with adults), more accepting up new inputs (they explore more, examine things more), and adapt to change better.



I've also known people that lived in the same area they grew up for 30+ years. You upset their world with change and they fall apart.

[vasiliy]

Originally Posted by dwedeking2

Agree. We moved frequently growing up and my brothers and I are all productive members of society with no more or less issues than most people.

I've met a few people that grew up on boats and have met kids that live on boats. My impression is they tend to be a bit more mature (maybe from spending more time with adults), more accepting up new inputs (they explore more, examine things more), and adapt to change better.

I've also known people that lived in the same area they grew up for 30+ years. You upset their world with change and they fall apart.

I like this perspective, thank you for sharing your experience/knowledge.

[JPA Cate]

Hi, Vasiliy,

We've met a lot of cruising kids over the years. I'd say their development is different, in that on the boat, one is physically close to each other all the time. The kids learn to relate really well with adults. They learn new skills (which are essential to living together and working sailboats, but irrelevant to land lubbers). They exhibit self confidence, and a high level of wanting to find out how *stuff* works, and learn about a wide variety of subjects. They are learning how other kids from other cultures are, so they tend to become keen judges of character, and sensitive to cross cultural issues. They're learning the regular curricula for their ages, what their age cohorts back home learn, but they are integrating it into a much less parochial background of knowledge.

The only cruising kids we ever met that we didn't much care for were two (a boy and a girl) neither of whose parents set any limits on their behavior, even in social situations where the kids made the hosts uncomfortable. If you have brought your kids up to be respectful of others, to be hard working and take on responsibility voluntarily, you shall already have done them a world of good that will give them a basis for their cruising lifestyle.

Try not to worry about it. They'll come out fine. They will be more "mature" than their age cohorts, mostly, by the time you return.

Ann

[Fore and Aft]

Vasiliy I have met lots of live aboard kids and adults who have lived aboard as children and I wouldn't say they were anymore socially undeveloped than people who were brought up on land. Like everything in life some people might thrive more in one environment than in another environment.
I have two kids 9 & 13 and we think nothing of dropping everything and heading overseas on a holiday or taking the yacht away for an adventure. Bugger school all year, we think they are learning more adventuring with us than in a classroom. I would say with Covid stopping travel this year it is the first time our children have only missed one week of school for the year.
People always comment how well behaved and outgoing our kids are and judging by the education awards they collected at the end of this school year I don't think we are damaging them.
Cheers

[skyhawk]

I grew up a military bratt. Somewhat jealous form time to time of folks that grew up with long time friends...but only occasionally. I tend towards few good friends rather than a lot of casual acquaintances. Maybe it was the moving around, but I think because I'm introverted by nature.

I kinda think it might be a bit different now days with kids able to keep in touch through online gaming and such.

And I tend to guess that a better comparison would be to home schooled kids. I used to think they would be at a huge disadvantage socially...and with street smarts....but through the years I have to say every home school kid I've met has been more mature that the average kid... I wish that we were in a position to homeschool our kids!

One of the youtube channels I watch some has a family with teens and they seem to socialize with other cruising kids a fair bit where they are.

[sailinmon]

Kids raised cruising tend to be far more mature, independent and intelligent. The ones I know about were home (boat) schooled yet every Ivy league school offered them full ride scholarships. They finished high school knowing 2-4 languages, had lived among multiple cultures, had far more practical skills than today's youth.

Today's kids are glued to phones, locked in their rooms all day. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that cruising opens up endless possibilities for knowledge and skills associated with real world experience.

[Fore and Aft]

Skyhawk that is exactly what I mean about some people thriving in different environments. We know a home school kid (13) who is terrible. I would swear that his parents are home schooling him just to save arguments about getting him off the computer. My boy and I took him and his dad out for lunch last week and he is so socially awkward and then afterwords he fell asleep in the car on the way home. Apparently he had been up all night gaming! But for all you older generation out there reading this, an online game called "Fortnite" had a $30,000,000 prize pool at their last tournament. So for all I know he could end up mega rich before he is 16.
Another thought I had is with the large amount of families cruising in cats now, I doubt those kids are suffering at all and in fact probably are probably more comfortable than a lot of their peers.
Cheers

[vasiliy]

JPA Cate, Fore and Aft, skyhawk, and sailinmon:


Thank you for the perspective and information. Based on what you said it seems like we may be fine after all. We do play a large role in their daily lives now (even before we set off sailing) and we will likely be even closer when we are sailing, so the kids may be all right in the end.


I once read a research summary saying that parents and kids' environment play just one part in kids' growing up to become adults. Other factors like their predisposed character and traits, etc. play the other part. This research said, as long as kids are not in a very adverse environment when they are growing up, parents can only do so much. Of course we want to do our best to ensure they are mature, educated, honest, etc. adults when they leave our house (or boat).


Thanks again for the feedback.

[steamgoat]

Checkout Sv Totem.

[Tellie]

Show me the kid and I'll show you the parent. Good parenting is the key whether in public school, home schooled boat kids, and anywhere in between. We home schooled our daughter since third grade. Three languages, eight years at the university of Vienna, and far more socialized than most young school kids today. Though my public school teaching parents and sister had to be picked up off the floor when we announced we were home schooling, I unabashedly now prefer it over public schooling. Look at it this way, there are four presidents carved in stone in South Dakota who all seemed to have done well with home schooling.

[Fore and Aft]

Vasiliy I fully agree parents can only do so much. When I was a teenager the foursome I hung with were all about boats, booze and babes. Right up until our early 20's that was our world and then one of our group who funnily enough had the best up bringing out of all off us got into drugs and completely derailed his life.
You can only provide your children with skills to negotiate life, how they use them is really their own choice.
Cheers

[vasiliy]

Originally Posted by steamgoat

Checkout Sv Totem.

I looked them up, they've got lots of resources on this subject, thanks.

[tarian]

To ask the question seems that maybe you do not know your children , to also ask strangers Thier opinions seemed odd to , talk to your kids find out the issues that they will encounter and how will this be practically applied to help them.
For those with opnions on kids behaviour and attitude of crusing kids compared to land kids is rubbish ! Pure speculation based on little or no qualifications or data to back their claims .
Kids are living in a different world to those that grew up 30 years Ago their world is different and stop telling them not to be as all other kids are.
Honestly the amount of better in my day rubbish about kids growing up is the usual tripe we face every day .from our older generation
If one needs to research how their kids attitudes and how they will develop from a completely different family needs to ask themselves doing really what my kids want and is this right for them.
No one is right or wrong only you know this everyone elses opinion is based on nothing to do with you or your circumstances
Perhaps Mumsnet is more appropriate
Yes I have a child yes I go crusing yes she has ups and downs but I would never ask anyone about her as they know nothing a out me or my family so how can they form an opinion based on others small experiences