Looking for a family who has been there.. and come back.

[jhkm12345]

wow... just wow. what responses! I just checked back in, hoping to find one or two, but 14? haha that's great!

we've purchased the totem book, we're in the process of reaching out to a few of you and also some that didn't post publicly.

I cannot thank you all enough for the encouragement and advise. On the surface it seems to be a no-brainer. Working on finances and contingency plans seems to make the most sense at this point.

Any suggestions on how to broach the subject with the kid? I could ask him if he wants to go sailing for a couple years and I'm sure he'd say, "yeah that sounds fun." But surely it would make more sense to prep him for the realities of leaving friends and family behind for a while.

He is currently enrolled in a Montessori program and we have spoken to his school about their thoughts on the impact of him being away through the end of his elementary years. The response was positive and that they would be willing to assign him "projects" while he's away and to also skype with the class occasionally to share the experience, present findings and keep him tied into his friends and community at home while away. Not fully enrolled for credit but simply a connection to help him not be completely disconnected from it all while gone.
I'm not sure we could possibly have a better support network than we have with his school.



what other questions should I be asking myself?

all my efforts are on the impact to him... what about the relationship strain with your spouse in having to "parent" 24/7? how is that managed? I cannot imagine "parenting" 24/7 here on land... is that likely to change on a boat?

[JJB]

I did a 3.5yr circumnavigation with my kids, also as a single dad. It's entirely possible without stunting their intellectual or emotional growth, I would strongly encourage you to do as much research as possible, but plan as many educational 'field trips' to as many destinations as possible.

My twins are 18 now quite well adjusted, and have seen far more than most of their peers, they are now at university and doing really well.
My daughter is in grade 11 at school now, she had no problem settling back into normal school life when we got back.

[MtnGoat]

Originally Posted by jhkm12345

I cannot imagine "parenting" 24/7 here on land... is that likely to change on a boat?

I'm sorry, but I really have to say this...no matter where you are, "parenting" IS a 24/7/365/rest of your life job. Fair winds, safe travels and just enjoy the experience.

[jhkm12345]

surely you get what I'm saying here. I'm not indicating that I ever "turn off" the parenting switch, simply saying that I hand him off to his school or to camps etc while we're off at work....

we've discussed with other families back on land, read the "voyaging with kids" book (which is, by the way, the single most valuable resource for anyone even remotely considering this) and had long difficult conversations nightly for the past few months now, trying to sort out how to put all the puzzle pieces together to make this happen.
I can say with certainty that when the money comes together, this is going to happen. Maybe sooner than later, maybe not, but it's in the works.
Thanks for all the support and encouragement.

[2big2small]

Facebook group: kids4sail.

[Manana5]

Originally Posted by sailnautilus

See sailing vessel TOTEM.....have website and facebook and have written a book on cruising with children which will help you. Parents are two of t

I have just finished reading this book and I can sincerely recommend it! It has opened my eyes to many aspects of cruising with children. I too hope to do this with my family in a few years. I know you are looking for a real face to face meeting, but I think this book would also be very useful to you. It shares personal experience, stories and insights from the three authors and a bunch of other sailing families. Including ones who have finished cruising and returned to land life. The book is called "Voyaging with children".

[Benz]

Originally Posted by jhkm12345

wow... just wow. what responses! I just checked back in, hoping to find one or two, but 14? haha that's great!

we've purchased the totem book, we're in the process of reaching out to a few of you and also some that didn't post publicly.

I cannot thank you all enough for the encouragement and advise. On the surface it seems to be a no-brainer. Working on finances and contingency plans seems to make the most sense at this point.

Any suggestions on how to broach the subject with the kid? I could ask him if he wants to go sailing for a couple years and I'm sure he'd say, "yeah that sounds fun." But surely it would make more sense to prep him for the realities of leaving friends and family behind for a while.

He is currently enrolled in a Montessori program and we have spoken to his school about their thoughts on the impact of him being away through the end of his elementary years. The response was positive and that they would be willing to assign him "projects" while he's away and to also skype with the class occasionally to share the experience, present findings and keep him tied into his friends and community at home while away. Not fully enrolled for credit but simply a connection to help him not be completely disconnected from it all while gone.
I'm not sure we could possibly have a better support network than we have with his school.



what other questions should I be asking myself?

all my efforts are on the impact to him... what about the relationship strain with your spouse in having to "parent" 24/7? how is that managed? I cannot imagine "parenting" 24/7 here on land... is that likely to change on a boat?

I wouldn't bother asking the kid what he wants: you're his parents, take him and go. At this point he (nor you) can have any idea of the riches in store if you cast of and head out.
I would caution you also against stressing too much about keeping up with what the other kids are learning. Just travelling to other places by boat will put him so far ahead of the rest. Everything will be a learning experience, and there's no need to sour that by trying to cram an over-structured learning scheme into it as well. What we did was have a chest-full of books, some of which we read over and over (and are still reading over, even now on land).
As for coming back, he'll return different from the other kids, but surely that can only be a good thing, given the state of public schools these days. On our return we continued home schooling, simply because I can't stand the thought of trusting my children's education to the clowns who run the schools.
The only downside is that your child will probably want to get back to cruising ASAP rather than settle into land life.

[Lodesman]

Not raining on the parade per se, but wanting to add some balance; it's not all sunshine and rainbows cruising with kids. When we left sons were 8 and 11. Younger rolled with it, but older carried an ongoing gripe about being taken away from friends, normalcy, yadda yadda yadda. We had included them in the planning process and boat shopping, and so forth, but it was clearly "our (wife and I) dream", not the kids'. We had agreed going into it that everyone would stick it out for at least a year (we did 3) and we would come back for them to start (or finish) high school, if they desired. Eldest wanted to come back for the start of HS, and by then his moodiness was sucking the fun out of the adventure for my wife. That said, I am absolutely certain the kids benefited from the experience, and elder son has since expressed that he wishes he wasn't such a tool during the trip and that he took greater advantage of it.
Both kids readjusted to the real world with no problems.
From this experience I offer a couple observations:
1) In order to keep the kids out of our hair during pre-trip boat refit, we got them tablets, and regretted the decision. Admittedly we were naïve about the allure of electronics to this generation, but still shocked that they (the older one particularly) seemed to prefer virtual reality to playing, exploring, hanging out, etc.
2) "Kid boats" tend to flock together. Possibly it alleviates the 24/7 issue you noted, by keeping the kid close to friends. If you're into the herd mentality or like buddy-boating this may not be an issue, but if you like to wander off the beaten path or on your own schedule, your experience might be more like mine.
The reality is that most cruisers are "of a certain age", so the upshot of hanging with "kid boats" is hanging with adults from your own generation. But if you find that Goldilocks boat where everyone likes everyone, you may grow a tether that affects your original cruising plans. It happened with a number of families we encountered.
3) As we travelled down the US east coast, we found a lot of activities available, that were geared towards home-schooled children. We took advantage of many of these activities, and most were very good, but some seemed to cater to specific cliques and didn't particularly appreciate having outsiders involved, especially those who might, for instance not share their fundamentalist beliefs.
4) We had our boys in sailing lessons prior to setting off. It didn't really lead to either of them taking an interest in driving our boat, but I thought it was an excellent activity nonetheless. If you haven't had Jr out on a small boat, you might want to try it out before buying into the lifestyle, just in case he's one of those that gets irrecoverably seasick.

I wish you the best of luck and fair winds.

[Joe P]

Originally Posted by jhkm12345

My wife and I are contemplating a ~2 year cruise with an 8 or 9 year old son and have all the expected concerns regarding his well being and social/intellectual growth....

Not looking for professional life coaching or anything of that nature, just an honest viewpoint from folks who bit the bullet and did it.


thanks,
john
atlanta, ga

John, I'm bookmarking this thread. We've contemplated a similar plan, with our 6-year-old son, and we're just north of you in Woodstock. I might be bugging YOU in the future for advice!

Some stuff I've found:

I'm sure you're familiar with the many different homeschooling approaches, and "unschooling" (which actually makes more sense the more I research it). S/V Totem, as mentioned before, has some great insight. If you haven't seen it,

Youtube: Voyaging With Kids (1 of 8)- SV Totem on Homeschooling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBvmYGlxBxc

As a work-from-home dad, I'm using this summer vacation to test the waters on the homeschooling thing. We bought a variety of grade-based workbooks that we spend ~1 hr on every day. I try to get a routine down, but every kid's different on what they'll put up with. If I push it too hard, then "study time" becomes almost a punishment, which, of course, is to be avoided. I need to keep it as positive as possible.

It sounds like your boy is an only child. Ours too, and a big concern of ours is the socializing... I've searched for families who travel or home school a single kid to use a reference, but haven't found much.

These guys make it sound like the socializing part is no big deal. They mention "Sleepovers" and other ideas:

Youtube: cruising kids featuring Taia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu8_IIGZS6A

There are a ton more resources and videos out there that we've used to see how kids handle the cruising life. I'll resist the urge to link them all here, as I'm sure you have your own list.

We're novice sailors though. It sounds like you're way more experienced than we are, so you might actually make this dream happen.

Keep us posted.


- Joe

Woodstock, GA

[fxykty]

As the only child of immigrant parents (from Poland to Canada) in the 70s I did what they did for recreation, be it hiking and camping and skiing and, from when we moved to the west coast when I was 7, sailing. During the week I went to school and messed around with friends and on weekends I did trips with my parents.

When I was 10 we sailed to Hawaii and back over 6 months. I don’t remember any other kids on boats at the time and I spent a lot of time sailing our dinghy around and building elaborate sand structures, as well as reading copiously, based on our photo albums. I was a decent school student but really enjoyed skipping out on a bunch of school time for the cruise.

When I was about to start high school in 1980 my parents decided on a South Pacific cruise. Before leaving I don’t remember any discussion other than about the logistics of living aboard a small 11m sailing vessel and who we’d leave our dog with. British Columbia had (has?) a very good correspondence school system so rather than home schooling my parents registered me for the next grade just before we left. About half of our boat library was text books and encyclopaedias.

We ended up cruising for 3 years and I did three grades by correspondence - mostly independently with a slow mail and return 3 months later system with the tutors. It meant I almost always had mail wherever we went at the local poste restante agent - one of my tutors was a stamp collector and really like my mail. I generally spent 3-4 hours per day on schoolwork and didn’t involve my parents. The biggest hassle was some of the physical science experiments, for which I would wait until I could access a local school’s or hospital’s lab. Once I used the sick bay of a European fishing ship to conduct a blood separation experiment.

I maintained contact via infrequent letters with my girlfriend (we had kissed!) and a couple of best friend mates. But we were in completely different worlds and the friendships didn’t survive the cruise.

I was the social butterfly for our family as at nearly every anchorage I would row over to the nicest cruising boat and ask them to invigilate a test I had to write. Usually they would say yes, then get me to bring my parents over to socialise while I wrote my test. With no refrigeration on our boat, my most important task for finding an invigilator was did they have ice cubes?

At that time there were very few boat kids in the tween or teenage years. Lots of French cruisers with toddlers and some US or European boats with late teen early 20s hitch hikers or children of cruisers, but very few people cruising with school age kids. When we did find another boat with school age kids then we would disappear together for as long as we could convince our respective parents to stay at that anchorage. With no SSB or even VHF all these friendships were fleeting and I don’t recall ever buddy boating.

Otherwise I usually found the local school or church and made friends with the kids there. My parents loved meeting the parents of my friends, though my mum was often teased and pitied for only having one child. Kids are the same everywhere and different spoken languages were not barriers.

I also spent a ton of time with adult cruisers during that time - most were good natured and usually happy to host an opinionated loud mouth kid who loved arguments and looking over their boat. Often I was without my parents, as I was quite gregarious while they were not. I did get sexually abused once by one solo cruiser, in an anchorage in NZ as it happened, but otherwise only good experiences.

From the very beginning of the trip I was an integral part of the crew and stood might watches and did whatever else was required. I was the primary anchorer, dinghy master, coral bombie spotter, and social secretary. I got more efficient with my schoolwork as time went on - I spent 6 months completing grade 8, 4 months grade 9, and 3 months for grade 10. Before our return to Canada I had nearly 12 months with no schooling responsibilities.

We returned to our home town when I was 15 and right at the start of grade 11 - one of the reasons for returning at that time was that my parents wanted me to have at least a couple of ‘normal’ high school years. I was generally way ahead academically though behind in the physical sciences, way more mature than my peers, but way way behind in socialisation - I was used to drinking alcohol but not parties and drinking to get drunk, didn’t know anything about any drugs, and didn’t know anything about popular culture and what school girls found interesting. I don’t as definitely an outsider for the rest of high school. I was also quite bored and unruly, until I was placed into a strict academic private school for the last year and a half of high school.

My parents separated within 6 months of returning, with neither able to go back to their previous careers (my dad was a professional engineer working for government and my mum a gift store owner) - my dad went back to Fiji and my mum sold up and moved north to the Yukon. I finished high school, quit university after one year, and spent the next ten years as a ski bum, sailing instructor and offshore racing crew, before meeting a women and finally settling down to a later degree and a professional career.

I’ve been moderately successful in life but have never let go of my dream to go cruising again. Unfortunately my (now) ex-wife had no desire to go offshore with our kids so I haven’t been able to gift my kids with the experiences of cruising. But I have a partner with whom I’m preparing to cast off permanently.

I don’t really have any advice beyond my own n=1 experience, but would strongly urge you to go cruising with your family as it will most likely be a supremely positive life experience. Also, to assure you that you will realise that the big issues that you are now worried about regarding your kids are really not that big a deal at all.

[svbeausoleil]

We have Circumnavigated twice, 1 and 1/2 times with our newborn. What a great way to bring up a kid! We looked into various schooling programs but opted instead for store bought books till grade 3. I got him off to great start. Falcon loved sailing and every thing to do with it. Eventually we returned to the World and he went to high school. Was he ever mad at us! He went off to college as we took off sailing again. He was really mad!



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