I Don't Know What To Do

[peter radclyffe]

beware, if your actions set free the woman he hates he will start hating you

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by terminalcitygrl

For you SmartMove

Thanks!

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by peter radclyffe

beware, if your actions set free the woman he hates he will start hating you

Good point, I don't know what plan B would be at this point -- I need to think this one through.

[Seaworthy Lass]

It is a really difficult issue.

Check out this site:
What can you do to support your friend or family member? - Women's Aid

It gives professional advice about how to raise the issue, giving support, what to say and do (and what not) etc.

It is possible what you are hearing is mutually acceptable sexual play, but very likely it is not - one in 3-4 women are abused by their partners .

[o_q]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

Yep, that has been what I have been doing. But, we can hear it every night ... Unless she reaches out I will just put my head under the pillow. She is a beautiful girl and it is so sad.

This is a little off topic, but I just want to point out how messed up humans are. To say it's sad that a beautiful girl being mistreated is any worse than an ugly woman.

[o_q]

I wanted to reiterate my point by saying it a bit more explicitly.

I really wonder how many people have experience with this situation. And if so, I doubt there's some sort of follow-up to let them know she's is better off. People are quick to direct someone to a hotline to solve their problems, but I truly wonder how helpful they are. I wonder if it's like those situations when parents (or single parent) are determined as an unfit parent, and in the case the parent ends up in jail, and the child taken to some shitty foster home, everyone is much worse off, and no one wins. People at CPS have jobs either way, and everyone thinks they're a hero. Fake humanity American ********.

I want people to be better off, but if you're going to do something, I really want you to think about the consequences of your actions. And let your actions be your own, not some service that might take actions you are unaware of. You don't meddle with other people's lives just so you can sleep at night.

[Mr B]

I stepped into a domestic dispute when asked by the female side of it, I got 3 broken ribs for my effort,
Whether it did any good or not, I dont know,

[terminalcitygrl]

I spent 5 years volunteering as a crisis counsellor and support group facilitator with a battered women's service. I've heard hundreds of stories and I can tell you the lives of many women and children have been saved because someone/ anyone gave a ****.

[o_q]

Originally Posted by terminalcitygrl

I can tell you the lives of many women and children have been saved because someone/ anyone gave a ****.

I'm not saying this is not true, but could you tell me how lives were saved?

[Teknav]

If it gets bad enough, she will call for help or 911. She has to make the move. If someone has a problem, don't make it yours. I'd stay out of it, as long as she did not ask for my assistance.

Mauritz
Knows how to walk away...

[Coops]

You have to do what you feel is right. If you do that then you know that whatever happens, you can live with yourself.

Coops.

[Katiusha]

Having been on a receiving end of something like this, I agree with terminalcitygirl: put up info about some center or hotline that she can contact. If none available in the area, print out something from the Internet and put it in female bathroom. Maybe terminalcitygirl can point to some online material?

Asking "how are you?" and soulfully looking into the eyes doesn't usually work imho. Engaging her in a conversation and showing her that she's knowledgeable about something would hopefully raise her self esteem and be more productive (unless of course this guy is a jealous type).

For those of you critiquing her behaviour or telling OP to leave it be out of conjecture, please don't say anything unless you've been there. It's vastly different on the other side and kudos to OP for caring enough.

[Alecadi]

Are you sure there is abuse? You just hear at night some noises after being there only a couple of days?

Is there any phisical evidence of violence? Black eyes? Bruises?
Be carefull not to create a big problem where there is perhaps none at all....

[boatman61]

You have 3 choices...
1/ Ignore it and move on to another location..
2/ Complain to the marina about it and the fact it disturbs your nights... the nuisance factor is not limited to loud music and drunks... but this only stops the noise.. maybe,,
3/ Next time go and knock on the hull and confront the guy and tell him to shut the hell up and keep it down... this action (if your suspicion is true) shows your active in your support and not going to crumble in a confrontation.. to many do gooders are not prepared to go all the way when they stand to catch the fall out... then its down to her...

Something else you should be aware off.. there are some women who scream like crazy during sex... they can't help it... scares the hell outa you...

my 0.0000000000000001centimes

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by o_q

This is a little off topic, but I just want to point out how messed up humans are. To say it's sad that a beautiful girl being mistreated is any worse than an ugly woman.

No, I put that badly -- sorry.