HappyMdR's SAILING relationship poll !!!

[HappyMdRSailor]

The first mod that quarantines this because it's NOT sailing related is gunna get a whoopin'.... as it is TOTALLY SAILING RELATED!!! (I even capitalized "sailing" in the thread title)

Soooo... I'm in sunny California 2k NM away from home where my girl is shiverin'... We just spent 10 awesome days here, mostly having a fun vacation, but the PRIMARY reason was to sell my Morgan... (insert shameless plug here)
http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...-a-153160.html

My girl is an emotional wreck having to sell the boat... memories... Her first real exposure to sailing... and immediately falling in love with sailing... (and maybe actually me too... ) Tons and tons of trips to the islands, living on the boat when we stayed in Cali for months etc...

SO .... Here's the main point I need help with...She had to go home to take care of the kids, and I'm here to finish work/sell the boat... She has conveyed that she will ABSOLUTELY be devastated if I take the boat out by myself (or with friends) for pleasure without her... She wants MY last memory and final goodbye sail to be something we share (the end of this chapter beginning the cruising dream for both of us) coming back from Catalina a few days ago...

I have told her regardless of if I do go out or not... The last absolutely FANTASTIC last sail... would be sailing together from Catalina... Sunset crossing the point... nightsail in under a moon...

But... She thinks a last sail with friends instead of her diminishes the importance of this boat to us and our dream...

Am I absolutely crazy for not understanding her feelings about this???

[Boatguy30]

Seems like a lot of baggage.

[HappyMdRSailor]

Like Sea Bags????

[Blue Crab]

Am I absolutely crazy for not understanding her feelings about this???


This is a rhetorical question, right?

[HappyMdRSailor]

Originally Posted by Blue Crab

Am I absolutely crazy for not understanding her feelings about this???


This is a rhetorical question, right?

Funnnnnny... as hard as I try, I can't spell Blue Crab with the letters
A...
S...
S...


You kill me dude....

[SaltyMonkey]

I think in her absence you should go sailing, but your last sail on that boat should be ONLY you and her and her alone == NO friends; NO buyers; NO Monkeys!!

Does she understand this communication, or did were you ambiguous?

If yes to the first, then she is INSANE.

EDIT:

I have no F**King idea how I would vote given this.,,

[Delancey]

I vote for single handing for your final sail since you always take her with you in your heart wherever you go!

[SaltyMonkey]

Tell her you will get her one of these instead:

Luxe by Augusta RV | The Most exquisite fifth wheel ever built, approved for Full-Time use

Eagle Cap Truck Camper Model 1165 -

[Pelagic]

My conversation with both of you would be like this.... YOUR IMAGINED ANSWER IN FULL CAPS

1 Are you serious about selling the boat?.... YES

2 Once a 10% deposit is offered at acceptable price to buy boat subject to surveys, will you take it?..... YES

3 Once surveys are complete and new buyer confirms purchase.....if you were the new owner, would you let the boat go out on a cruise without you?....... YOUR ANSWER HERE?

Point I am making, is to do your sailing now before any offers start and to focus on satisfying any prospective buyer

[SaltyMonkey]

Man that Pelagic always waves that realism wand around and spoils it wit the truth don't he?

[DumnMad]

You're a lucky man - don't dare ignore her feelings !!!

[sailorchic34]

Oh good lord..... Gee, go sailing, have fun. Mind you I live alone with cat so I might not be the best at relationship questions.

She can have the memories of you and her sailing. That you might sail without her sometimes does not cheapen her memories or yours for that matter. That should not stop you (or her) from sailing, hiking, shopping, etc. alone or with friends. It's called living.

Edit: if I was coming from the frozen north to southern California in winter and had a boat there, wow to not go sailing would be foolish. While I can sort of kind of understand her position, I feel that if one loves another then you let them enjoy life, even if your not there. To say you sailing the boat now cheapens the memories, well I can't really say here what I think of that. Memories are lovely, but a boat in southern California screams "sail me".

I know what I would do. No I'm not helping and yes I am evil.

[darylat8750]

You have kids with her? She loves to sail?

Here what would happen to me if I went for a sail without her:
The boat would sell so I would be boatless.
She would leave me with the kids and go off with a younger trust-fund guy with a newer, bigger ah boat. Her lawyer would make me raise the kids by my self AND pay her child support. Don't ask me how he would be able to do this but suffice is to say that it was a California court. Did I say she would get the newer car also?


Anyway putting my Id issues aside.... She loves you and sailing! Don't screw it up for a "one night stand"!

[newhaul]

You have to go out for test sails / sea trials with possible buyers. I wouldn't buy without one or two runs. She has to understand this but why not move to Cali and liveaboard?

[Mike OReilly]

On the surface the whole question is absolutely crazy, and she is acting irrationally. Of course you should go sailing. Of course it can mean nothing, that it cannot diminish your link together with this boat.

But then ... As someone who has been with the same woman for going on 28 years I've learned that there are times when understanding is not required. Sometimes what is needed is for you (me) to listen to what your partner is saying. It's not simple obedience. It's hearing her needs, and trusting her to be telling you something deeply important, even if you don't understand.

It goes both ways. I know I make irrational demands of my partner at times. We all do it. Sometimes you just gotta listen.

From what you write, she's not saying no sea trials. She's asked you not to sail for pleasure. Makes no sense to me, and apparently to you, but as I say, sometimes understanding is not required. If you love her, and are committed to the long term, then trust her.