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Old 24-08-2010, 11:09   #1
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Fear and Anxiety - Dodds Narrows ! Advice, Please . . .

We hit a patch of bad weather, and since then my daughter is scared to sail, motor, or anchor... she pretty much wants to stay tied to the dock. We are at the end of our summer cruise and heading south to Victoria for the winter. We are now in Nanaimo, ready to go through Dodds Narrows, but my daughter is refusing too.... We arn't sure what to do, so we have been sitting here day after day, hoping her fear will go away. She is 11. We live on our boat.
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Old 24-08-2010, 11:15   #2
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Make sure the weather is very good and go!She will regain her confidence!
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Old 24-08-2010, 11:57   #3
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I can understand her trepidation Dodds Narrows is a bit frightful. Especailly if you have any log booms at the plant or tugs trying to pass you. When you hit the tides correct it is not too bad. I remember sailing up towards Nanaimo and dropping my chute right as I came into the narrows then turning the engine on and motoring straight thru. There was another sailboat waiting for exactly slack tide who followed in right behind us. In the old days you could have given her a couple of shots of grog and then let her pass out in the bunk but someone might call Child Protective Services these days. There is the option of going around Dodd's Narrows and coming in the Gulf Islands thru one of the other passes.

I would just explain to her that as long as the currents are correct that it is easy to go thru the Narrows and tell it is alright to be scared but not alright to let that fear take control of you. Then try and do the narrows when she is asleep.
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Old 24-08-2010, 12:08   #4
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How justified is your daughter's fear? Is it just her, or did you scare yourself good too? If just her, you should pick a really nice day with benign conditions and go sailing just out past Snake Is (stay out of the way of the ferries). If confidence is restored, then carry on with trip to Victoria. Dodd Narrows isn't actually all that scary, but gets quite busy at the slacks; that can include some fairly large traffic including the odd tug with tow. Definitely monitor 16 and the traffic channel (ch 11 iirc) - big stuff wanting a wide berth normally send a Securite call. If you go against a weak flood, you won't make as much speed over the ground but you'll find it a bit easier to control your heading; go as near to the centre as you can and gun it - try to avoid the eddies.
I wouldn't suggest going until your daughter has regained a bit of her nerve. The winds can pick up pretty quick and turn Trinconmali Ch into an unpleasant experience, where there's few places to hide.
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Old 24-08-2010, 12:15   #5
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Is it Dodds that is scaring her? Gabriola is an option, albeit a longer one and it does involve going out into Georgia Strait. A little time in Silva might help.
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Old 26-08-2010, 19:25   #6
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Well we did it! We waited for the weather to be perfect and we went through dodds. My daughter was over her fear as soon as we went through. She even ran to the front of the boat to be look out. So I guess the best way to beat fear is by just doing it!
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Old 26-08-2010, 20:06   #7
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Bravo
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Old 26-08-2010, 20:08   #8
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Fear is often justified, but can be magnified when parents and other role-models treat it as a big deal. Life has its risks and if you coddle fear you reinforce that behavior in the fearful child. In this case the child was afraid from the experience of not being in control in a storm.

I'm not saying to ignore it or treat it as insignificant, it's real. I'm saying it needs to be put in perspective and on some sympathetic level parents need to give kids (or spouse) the message they need to stiffen up and "deal with it" in perspective that living isn't always about easy or safe choices, and they can influence (if not control) the outcome by decision and actions.

As for being look out -- getting fearful people to be active in the role of helping work through the challenge puts them back in control.

I always try to get the crew involved in steering, lookout, navigating, etc. It makes us a team.
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Old 26-08-2010, 20:24   #9
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Quote:
So I guess the best way to beat fear is by just doing it!
It is if it turns out as it did you are correct. It's all how you look at things. I will say in a state of fear you don't tend to do or say the right thing. It's not limited by age. You can become paralyzed and do the wrong thing or more often worse - do nothing.

An 11 year old child takes cues from the people around.
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Old 26-08-2010, 23:00   #10
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Originally Posted by cyberkitty View Post
Well we did it! We waited for the weather to be perfect and we went through dodds. My daughter was over her fear as soon as we went through. She even ran to the front of the boat to be look out. So I guess the best way to beat fear is by just doing it!
... and doing it at the right time, when the currents are friendly
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Old 27-08-2010, 13:57   #11
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Sailfasttri has it right.
Involve the youngsters in the planning and navigation so making them part of the decision process - and make it fun!
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Old 27-08-2010, 13:59   #12
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Good Stuff.
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