Things You Hear on the Radio

[nhschneider]

Heard today on the Chaguaramas, Trinidad, morning VHF Net:

Luna Pearl: "Info"
Net Controller: "Info, go."
Luna Pearl: "I can't remember what Sun Dog was looking for, but I have one."

The names have been changed to protect the forgetful.

[Tingum]

Heard off Long Island Sound: Help Help send the helicopter! Coast Guard comes back asking the nature of the emergency and the location. My husband is drunk and I want to go shopping, we are in front of a big white house. It got better but you get the jist.

[Paul L]

Guy calls the CG because they lost engine power on their sailboat. CG goes through the standard questions about how many persons on board, any health issues, do you have an anchor. The guy responds back that he and his wife are in their late 50's and have some normal aches and pains for their age, a few years ago he had some high blood pressure issues but that's under control
, ....it goes on and on about the last decades doctor visits then ends with we are feeling fine now.
The CG radio operator responds with can you set your anchor?

[Sea Dreaming]

Not radio related but I grew up near rocky mountain national park and I often heard two questions:
What time of the year do the deer turn into elk?
Who mows the tundra?
I kid you not!
I heard these questions several times a year. I do hope these folk are not out cruising. Though it might be interesting to hear " what time of the year do the dolphins turn into whales?"

[becrux]

Across the sound from Shilshole Bay Marina:
"Vessel Assist, we've lost power. Can we get a tow back to Shilshole?"
Vessel Assist: "Sure, what kind of boat?"
"We're in a 27' sailboat."

The weather is clear and warm. There is a light breeze.

[Dave-Zim]

In the middle of Africa....
The landrover has rolled over and over.....over.
Roger that....
No... I'm not Roger....I'm Charlie....

[alctel]

'Channel 16 is for international hailing and distress only. Please move your conversation to a working channel'

Heard roughly 30 times a day in the summer

[denverd0n]

Okay, I'll play along...

Used to work as a telephone operator for the phone company (in the days of Ma Bell). Late one night a frantic woman dials 0 and gets me. She says we need to send someone out immediately to fix her boyfriends phone in a town about 20 miles away.

Me: "I can take the details and pass it along to repair service in the morning, ma'am, if you would like, but I don't think we can send a truck out at this time of night."

She: "YOU JUST DON'T CARE! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!"

So I connect her to the supervisor.

About ten minutes later the supervisor comes over to let me know what it was all about. Seems the woman had left her pillow at her boyfriends house and she couldn't sleep without it. So she wanted the phone company to "fix" his phone (which had been disconnected for non-payment), or else send a truck out there to get her pillow and bring it back to her.

At the time the phone company also ran the 911 system. And the night-supervisor was responsible for both. At the end of my shift the supervisor stopped me and said that when calling the operator didn't work, the woman had called 911. She wanted either the police or an ambulance to go and get her pillow for her. Apparently she was REALLY upset when she found out that she was talking to the same supervisor!

I kid you not. The stupidity of some people is just almost (sadly, only "almost") unbelievable.

[Shrew]

This was about 15 years ago off the coast of Georgia. We were fishing about 25+ miles offshore at the time

Vessel: Mayday, mayday, mayday this is vessel <VesselName>
USCG: What is the nature of your emergency
Vessel: Engine is dead, we are taking on water
USCG: How many souls on board
Vessel: 2 adults, 3 children (ages, names, condition, etc)
USCG: What is your current position?
Vessel: We don't know our current position. Approximately 20 miles offshore from <Marina/Inlet Name>

[We listen to the back and forth and search for some time. Then we heard the last broadcast]

Vessel: Coast Guard this is <VesselName> Please be advised, we are getting in the water. This will be our last transmission.

No idea where they were or whether they were found. Hair is standing up on the back of my neck now as it did when it happened. Nobody on our boat said a word for 15 minutes.

[nhschneider]

At St. Helena Island, there is so much surge on shore that cruising sailboats all use a ferry service to get ashore. The ferry driver is a crusty old guy, who only sometimes answers the calls on Channel 16.. Our Italian friend, Tomasso, (not his real name), whose English is very good albeit with a thick accent, is sailing his small sloop, Bai Mai Self, back to Europe.

Tomasso: "St. Helena Ferry, Bai Mai Self"
Ferry Driver: "What?" said more like he doesn't understand.
Tomasso: "St. Helena Ferry, I need to be picked up. This is Bai Mai Self."
Ferry Driver: "You're by yourself?"
Tomasso: "Yes!" a little too exuberantly.

[FSMike]

I read about a transmission from a charter boat to the charter company during a morning check-in.

Very excited voice from a charter boat:
"HELP HELP, THE BOAT IS OUT OF CONTROL! WE ARE SPINNING AROUND, WE CAN'T CONTROL THE BOAT! WE'RE CAUGHT IN A VORTEX!!"

The charter company manager, who has obviously seen damn near everything, replied after a slight pause:
"Uh, skipper, have you pulled up your anchor this morning?"

Charter boat, after another pause:
Uh, it's ok, everything's under control now."

[1affiah]

Heard after the annual Fourth of July fireworks clusterf*** in Burlington VT harbor on Lake Champlain (in heavily accented French/English)
" Coastguard..This Gentleman wrapped his anchor line around my propelleur!"

[JPA Cate]

On San Francisco Bay, one summer afternoon on Ch. 16,

"Help! Help! I'm lost in the fog! I'm lost in the fog!"

or this one:

[commercial fishing charter vessel]: "CoastGuard, Coast Guard, we've found a dead body, over"

[CG takes the charter vessel off frequency, and we follow.] "CV, don't lose sight of it."

"CG, not to worry, we have a gaff in it." ....not something like, "we have it secured," I think that was a gaffe.

Cheers, guys,

Ann

[El Pinguino]

I've told this one before... outside Sydney NSW in the mid 80s.. a luverly sunny Sunday.. slight sea, not much wind.. Ch 16

'Sea Hawk, This is Sea Hawk' repeated a few times before VIS replied

'Sea Hawk this is Sydney Radio, go ahead'

"i want to send a Mayday'

'Carry on' or words to that effect.. para phrasing a bit here ..it was 30 years ago

'Mayday Mayday'

'Sea Hawk , what is the nature of your problem?'

'We have broken down and need a tow back to Parramatta'

What is your location, Sea Hawk?'

Voice starting to crack about now..

'We are very close to the rocks!!!!!!!!'

[Jim Cate]

On San Francisco Bay, one summer afternoon on Ch. 16,

"Help! Help! I'm lost in the fog! I'm lost in the fog!"

Ann forgot the rest of that saga, which went on for quite a while. Seems this poor bloke had gone out the gate in good viz, but wasn't even sure whether he had gone North or South from there. After the usual preamble of POBs, PFDs etc, the CG asked him how much water he had (under him)... answer:" a few gallons".

CG: No, how deep is the water where you are?
LITF: How the hell should I know?
CG: Well, sir, have you an anchor?
LITF: Yes
CG: Then, lower it over the side and see how deep it is. That will help us figure out where you are so we can help you.
LITF: (after a few minutes) I did that... and how the hell am I gonna get my anchor back? (Followed by a few more "I'm lost in the fog" iterations.

We were really annoyed when the CG took him off to channel 21 which is a duplex channel there and we could no longer hear LITF's responses... best entertainment on radio!

Jim