The New Joke Thread

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

Not funny if you are anchored just behind this vessel...



Jim

Problem solved! No more boats anchoring too close!

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Problem solved! No more boats anchoring too close!

But I don't worry much about boats close astern...

Jim

[sailorphil9]

"96% of all Internet Quotes are suspect and the remaining 4% are fiction" - Abraham Lincoln

[sailorphil9]

An old native american couple were being interviewed by the local news team, and the reporter asked the old bloke his name. "my name is Eagle Claw, and this is my wife, Four Ponies". The reporter was trying to impress the old woman so he turned to her and said "What a wonderful name, so evocative"

The old bloke leant forward and said "That's her official name, but in reality its nag, nag, nag, nag...."

[sailorphil9]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father
in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working
Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being
ignored and the Future is in deep ****.'

[sailorphil9]

[StuM]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

Anther blank because of a restricted linked image

URL points to an image on the Yachting & Boating Weekly forum (forums.ybw.com).

URL returns "You must be logged-in to do that."

IOW, Only people who are members of that forum and who are currently logged in to it will be able to see that image.

[GordMay]

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Computers are known for transmitting viruses.

[GordMay]

Maggie (wife) purchased a world map, and then gave me a dart and said:
“Throw this, and wherever it lands, that’s where we’re cruising, when this pandemic ends.”
Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

We thought we'd have flying cars by the year 2020, but no, here we are, teaching people how to wash their hands.

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centres, and tanning places are all closed.
It’s about to get ugly out there, folks.

I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their ass, and wash their hands.

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

But I don't worry much about boats close astern...



Jim

Im thinking that if you perch on that seat as a new boat arrives...they wont anchor anywhere near you...astern or otherwise!

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by chrisr

i'm wondering if this is a joke or not?Attachment 224826

As to the comment that this is perfectly legal, my understanding is that it's not legal in the US, because it's not an "approved sanitation device." Making a "direct deposit" may be perfectly legal, but doing so through a home-made toilet seat isn't.

But this is a joke thread, so ponder this:

Let's say I buy a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken in a US port, then get underway. Outside the three-mile limit, but inside 12 NM, it's perfectly legal to poop out the chicken I've eaten and pump the head directly overboard, but it's illegal to throw the bones over the side.

Laws can have strange consequences.

[GordMay]

No flies on me.

[tkeithlu]

The three main topics of humor are sex, politics, and religion. So, the classics are

Sex: Why do men give their penises names? Because they don't want 95% of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.

Politics: The problem with political jokes is that they often get elected to public office.

Religion: Why was it better that our lord was crucified rather than stoned to death? We would not want our priests to have to beat themselves on the head with their fists while saying "In the name of the father, and of the son, and the holy ghost."

[tkeithlu]

OK, original Victorian joke. Probably posted it before, but with 870 pages of entries, who can remember?

Milady is being driven in her carriage by her horseman. The horse farts. Now, anyone who has lived around horses knows that they fart alot. But this fart is monumental. It scorches the grass on the sides of the road, and measurably increases carriage speed.

Horseman: Oh, milady, I am so sorry.

Milady: You need not apologize, I had thought that it was the horse.