The New Joke Thread

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

not so quick....

...

In England they say half past four....in the US they say four thirty...


...

I think it's " time" I changed the subject...

Don't forget the Germans!


Halb funf (literally 'half five') means half past four

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

not to start a thread drift....but I am under the impression that the Russians have their own GPS system, so the USA SA is probably moot for them..

if there is a joke anywhere in this morass....I'm off the opinion, that so many countries these days have nuclear weapons... that none would ever use them...not even North Korea.... as the resulting counter launch would obliterate any place....

ayr, for the life of me, I cannot understand why mankind has been unable to live in harmony with each other...nobody get off this planet alive....nobody...so why not be happy.....???

we should arm these missiles with bad jokes...that should get somebody's attention...ok...ok....enuff....you win...no mo' bad jokes..see....no lives lost, nothing destroyed...I'm liking the idea....now I just have to sell Trump on the idea...

Even his name was a joke. Just the guy for this!

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

In Bislama, the Vanuatan version of Pidgen, a bra becomes " basket belong titties".

A fairly graphic language...

Jim

PNG tok pisin it's "banis bilong susu"
banis = fence
susu = breast ( also means milk)

[fxykty]

On our boat we just call them ‘banned’

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

I am under the impression that the Russians have their own GPS system

From Wikipedia (so you know it’s correct):


Core Satellite navigation systems, currently GPS (United States), GLONASS (Russian Federation), Beidou (China) and Galileo (European Union).

[El Pinguino]

Stop me if you have heard this before..

Hestia is a well known brand of bra in Australia... Duck Duck Go it if you think I am making this up...

And from the day they first appeared on the market every Australian schoolboy knew the name stood for 'Holds Every Size Tit In Australia'

[GordMay]

In Greek mythology, virginal Hestia is the goddess of the hearth & home, and one of the 12 Olympian deities.
More ➥ https://www.theoi.com/Ouranios/Hestia.html
Nonetheless, it's a cute bacronym.

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by GordMay

In Greek mythology, virginal Hestia is the goddess of the hearth & home, and one of the 12 Olympian deities.
More ➥ https://www.theoi.com/Ouranios/Hestia.html
Nonetheless, it's a cute bacronym.

I didn't make it up... https://www.smh.com.au/national/bold...17-gdr4fn.html

[Jdege]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

On edit, civilian GPS also has a speed notch, meaning it won’t work above a certain speed. That’s there to prevent it from being used for weapons system guidance.

Is that a fundamental property of the signal, or simply a software restriction that is required to be included in commercial devices?

My guess would be the latter, and that could be easily bypassed by creating your own device. (Which is actually pretty easy, because the chips are widely available and the necessary software is available open source.)

[GordMay]

[MicHughV]

I had the good fortune to spend a good time of my youth in Africa.

The bra, in those early years....was at that time, an item of clothing, unknown to most African women....though they were aware that European women wore them, but didn't know why....

Then some enterprising entrepreneur brought a container full of bra's to Africa and started selling them to the local African ladies.....

They could not understand why white women would want to wear such a sexy, colorful, lacy, frilly item of clothing underneath their dresses....so they wore them on the outside of their dresses...so they could show them off to whomever was within sight......it was quite the sight to see them strutting around wearing these bra's over their clothes....

naturally, this clothing style was soon deemed inappropriate by area missionaries.....walking around topless was fine....that was a cultural thing....but wearing a bra outside clothing was deemed sinful....

[carstenb]

Two tigers were walking through the bush when the front feels something wet on his butt

He turns and says:

"Did you just lick me in the butt"?

Second tiger:

"Well yeah, I just ate a lawyer and had to do something to get the bad taste out of my mouth"





What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is bottom feeding and scum sucking, the other is a fish

[Mirage35]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

Don't forget the Germans!


Halb funf (literally 'half five') means half past four

Yeah, and I'd have to go find my introductory German notes, but 16:40 or "twenty to five" comes out as something like "ten minutes after half an hour before seventeen." Don't use "funf" if it's the afternoon.

[Montanan]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

FWIW, Socalmax's posts are once again coming up blank for me...

Jim

No issue viewing Socalmax's post here in Montana. Been enjoying them. Jim would you like me to copy, paste and repost for you?

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

other than navigational requirements...

time is kinda loosely defined....if some body asks me the time and I look at my watch and it sez 4:24...my response would be " it's almost 4:30"....good enuff for most people..."almost" being a time variant.....for some people "almost" is equivalent to "close enuff".....

when my wife sez she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know that to mean 30 minutes..."more or less" another time variant.

if she tells me that she'll pick me up at 5 pm...that could mean an hour either way..so I'd better be ready by 4 pm...even though 6 pm is the more likely time.....

when she sez" I just need to stop by so-and-so store real quick" I know that I will have time to drink two more beers...as " real quick" by my definition and her definition are poles apart.

so time is a loosely held gauge by any standards....

I don't know why watches have numeric numbers on them.....those numbers should be replaced by "almost"...."more or less"..." real quick'....."soon"...."in a minute"...." hang on, I'm coming".......

Great Song!
https://youtu.be/0bdGMpRNzO4