The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[Montanan]

Originally Posted by Adelie

This is The Joke Thread and you five have managed to go 14 posts having a discussion/argument about the mathematics in one joke. You are all humor impaired aren't you?

Hi Adelie:

Thanks for gathering the quotes to one posting, made that easier to follow.

They are so holding us all in suspense as we are waiting to hear how jokes about tangent lines traverse to become a punchline.


Hmmm, ah yes, the after math class homework sessions.

As a school boy, I fondly recall fondling the geometry and the two points within my girlfriends tan lines and vice a versa by her of mine. Quite amazing how a curved object can become a longer straight object.

[Montanan]

While we are on the subject of homeschooling.

So got to try that with one of my business video conferences, the perks of working from home. Surely to become a memorable moment.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[MicHughV]

as a young schoolboy....I......like most other boys my age....were fascinated by female anatomy, curves, spheres, tangent lines, soft lines, firm lines, saggy, small, large, wobbly...we would spend untold hours trying to determine the geometric formations of said anatomy....how did they stay up, what made them so jiggly, why were some pointy and others not...what was this brassiere thing ?....why so many types....colors....material...what was its purpose ?

closer examination of this geometric shape was some time in coming, but in due time, much geometric evaluation was done.....all in the name of science, mind you....

there is not a man alive today that does not "evaluate" this form at every passing opportunity.....

we are driven to find the secret of such perfection, there must be a science behind it all....circles, tangent line, parabolic lines, chords, radii, diameter, perimeter, volume, weight, fluff factor, and much more....somewhere in there is a yet-to-be discovered formula...a new thesis...this after all is a three dimensional object....great minds ponder this daily...

Michelangelo himself delved into the perfect symmetry of the human body....and so should we...science demands it !!

[toddster8]

You may be referring to the classic, "A Stress Analysis of A Strapless Evening Gown."

[toddster8]

From this mornings in-box:

Never forget that humans first deliberate message to the cosmos was a couple of unsolicited nudes, a mix tape, and directions back to our place. **

[MicHughV]

see...I wanted to learn this stuff in Junior High...but our Headmaster replaced this course with Latin....

I don't remember a word of latin....but I can remember every last detail of said geometric shapes I studied after....which I took upon my unselfish self to better serve mankind...

[S/V Adeline]

Originally Posted by toddster8

From this mornings in-box:

Never forget that humans first deliberate message to the cosmos was a couple of unsolicited nudes, a mix tape, and directions back to our place. **

When you think about it, unsolicited nudes, mix tape, invitation back to our place....no surprise it's tales of abduction and butt probing. We asked for it!

[MicHughV]

What is this lure
For which there is no cure
It draws the strong and demure
These twin globules that are so pure

They’re big and beautiful and glistening with sweat
And not staring at them you will regret
It’s hard not to release a moan
As from your mouth you breathe and foam

This incredible mighty breast
With your drooling eyes they look quite the fest
You’d like to own them to say the least
And lick them from side to side, west to east

This hunk of flesh, this glorious form
This unique piece of feminine norm
From the softness of their pride
You can’t wait to jump astride

A touch of the nipple and you’ll see it soar
It’s sight will make your pounding heart roar
As you get ready to ride it right there on the floor
You’ve become a part of the decadent lore

Those gleaming mounds that look so fine
They look so perfect all in line
There’s nothing to do but decline
Touching them in public will draw you a fine

It’s the touch, the feel, the whole damn thing
It makes you pulse and pound like a boxer in a ring
It just bloody well makes you feel like a king
As from their bra, these orbs you fling

As you touch that flesh you feel their might
It’s an uncanny music that sounds just right
As from your heart the sound is in flight
As you fondle them, it’s quite a sight

She’s from here and there always causing a stir
Some wear leather and some wear fur
But the line between them is just a blur
As for all us men, the tit music does stir

You’ll see us out there raising cash
We’ll open our wallets in a flash
And give the last dime from our stash
Just for a touch of those of those mammory mash

So just give me some titties and some leathers too
You’ll never understand, your mind I blew
At my breast addiction, I’m just one of the few
Gazing at perfection so shiny and new

You’ll wonder in amazement at my silly grin
To be so happy is not a sin
As a gaze out upon these breasts
Its just like being at a music fest

These fancy breasts that can shiver and shake
They’re the real thing, although occasionally you’ll see a fake
There’s millions of them right here in my State
And in Playboy magazine, number one they rate

There’s a lot of us out there like me and you
From old to young, we all stay true
We’re all doing the thing we like to do
Every day we gaze is a day anew

A pair of them is right here I’m happy to say
They are in my house I can silently pray
They’re my wife’s trusty tits, that can jiggle and sway
They love for me to take them out and play

Yes, me and my titties, it’s a thing to see
It makes me feel so wild and free
I can tell you this with lots of glee
Just leave me alone and let me be me

As I fondle those titties side by side
You’ll see it’s the truth, I never lied
It’s my fetish and desire, an unexplainable thing
It’s that softness and firmness that only a titty can sing

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by S/V Adeline

When you think about it, unsolicited nudes, mix tape, invitation back to our place....no surprise it's tales of abduction and butt probing. We asked for it!

When I saw his post, that's exactly what came to mind, then I saw your post!

Amazing!

[socaldmax]

[Montanan]

Taking it too far.

People that go off on a tangent are so annoying
Just learn to stay in the circle.


Why did the tangent not like the adjacent
Because the tangent likes the opposite over the adjacent


A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied.
He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine.


Two tangents meet at a bar
After a long evening the one tangent says: "That was fun, we should meet again!"
The other: "You know that isn't going to happen!"


Hey babe, can I be your first derivative?
Because I want to lie tangent to your curves...


I think my girlfriend has a trigonometry fetish
because every time I talk to her she gets off on a tangent.


I found out my friend is addicted to math.
I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...


Breaking News: Al-Gebra Operative Arrested
A man was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport , New York, as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.


Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry?
Because you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent


What's the difference between a Trump interview ad-lib, and a Person of Color?
One's a tangent; the other a tan gent.

[socaldmax]