The New Joke Thread

[Halifax Sailor]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Must be "Putin" on a show.............................for someone................

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

That's oddly specific...

[sailorphil9]

Not muffins? Or bearded clams...

Originally Posted by socaldmax

That's oddly specific...

[sailorphil9]

The famous sexologist was on a national theatre tour. The interactive show was a sell-out in every town.

She usually opened her show with an audience survey.

'My research shows that the variations and frequency of sexual acts is enormous, but there is a normal distribution. Few people get a LOT of sex, and some rarely have sex at all. We'll start with a quick frequeny survey of the audience here tonight, frequency first.

"So, let's see a show of hands for those who have sex more than once a day."
A dozen or so people put their hands up.

"More than once a week?"
A third of the audience put their hands up.

And so it went on. Then she laughed and said "Once a year?"

A short bald bespectacled man in the front row jumped up waving his hand in the air, "Me, me".

"Goodness, sir, you are the only one. I've never had that in my audience before. Just once a year?"

"Yes, yes." he replied.

"Then why do you look so happy?

"Tonight's the night, tonight's the night".

The audience laughed.

"Ok, Ok. I get the point. Enjoy your evening. We'll move on now to variations, deviations and weird sex. If you read my colleague Raj Persaud's book, you'll probably have read about his patient who used to have sex with a fridge, and another one who had sex with his sofa. I'll ask a question now that no-one has ever said 'yes' to.

"Has anyone in the audience had sex with a ghost. Silence. She repeated, "Has anyone here tonight had sex with a ghost?" A voice from the back called out "I have". She cried "That's incredible sir, could you come down please?"

A little old man stood up in the top balcony, shuffled along his row, made his way down the stairs, all the way down the aisle and up on to the stage to a big round of applause. As he stood there puffing a bit, the spiritualist said "This is fantastic sir, you've actually had sex with a ghost?"

"Oh", he replied looking confused "I thought you said a goat".

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[Montanan]

2020 be like:

[Montanan]

2020 island

[Montanan]

Russian Covid-19 vaccine proven effective and safe.

[Montanan]

metric

[Montanan]

One of those things you regret you said.

[Montanan]

So you are looking forward to next year?

[Two Skippies]

A guy boards his plane and finds himself seated beside a gorgeous blonde.
They start up a conversation and the blonde introduces herself as Inga, and says she is a researching sexologist and studies things like which race makes the best lovers, which race has the largest penis etc. She goes on to state that the American Indian are definitely the best lovers, and Greeks seem to be the most well hung.
The guy then introduces himself. "Nice to meet you, I'm Tonto Papadopolous".