The New Joke Thread

[Captn_Black]

Another private joke for us non apple users

[MicHughV]

traveling from England to America I thought Americans speak another language besides english

English American

spanner wrench
bonnet hood
boot trunk
lift elevator
1st floor ground floor
chips french fires
petrol gas
dustbin trash bin
appetizer starter
fringe bangs
biscuit cookie
rugby football
cricket baseball

and there are many more....

let's get started on the decimal system vs. American fraction.....ha ha ha ha...no, let's not....

and the money system....nickel..dime...quarter (what other country has a 1/4?

Why is the American "World" series only played by American teams?

NASA is metric, but the country isn't....wassup wid dat ??

Why is a 2 x4 not really a 2 x4....???

The mind boggles.....

[Captn_Black]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

traveling from England to America I thought Americans speak another language besides english

English American

spanner wrench
bonnet hood
boot trunk
lift elevator
1st floor ground floor
chips french fires
petrol gas
dustbin trash bin
appetizer starter
fringe bangs
biscuit cookie
rugby football
cricket baseball

and there are many more....

let's get started on the decimal system vs. American fraction.....ha ha ha ha...no, let's not....

and the money system....nickel..dime...quarter (what other country has a 1/4?

Why is the American "World" series only played by American teams?

NASA is metric, but the country isn't....wassup wid dat ??

Why is a 2 x4 not really a 2 x4....???

The mind boggles.....

Fun fact, the American inch is actually based on a metric standard. Although they were kind of tricked into it by a Swedish guy, story is here - (at least, I think this is the video where I heard about it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yseldOMcT4Q

[svmariane]

First posting in GB and went to the US Embassy for arrival-briefing. Bit early, and I'm hanging about, reading various info on the bulletin boards. There was a two-page article warning newcomers about "cultural shock" they'll experience in-country. Can't remember any details (was 30 + yrs ago). But the fact that somebody felt such an article necessary left me amused.

Yes, I did experience a bit of culture shock. Found that unlike in the US, in every GB pub it was always the same: a pint of beer is a pint of beer.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

Why is a 2 x4 not really a 2 x4....???

This is something that has annoyed me for years but I do know why it's so.

Measurements on finished lumber is based on the original rough sawn board before planing and finishing. So an actual 2x4 is cut from a log but before it's sold the rough cut board is planed and sanded smooth leaving a 1 1/2 x 3 1/2.

What's particularly annoying is trying to calculate the spacing when building a wall or similar and trying to center sheets of plywood or sheet rock to meet on the vertical joints of the 2x4 framing. I guess the pros do it all the time and it's easy but I don't and have managed to make a mess out of a couple of DIY projects.

So as I understand it, in the metric world they have 5x10s (cm). Are those really 5x10 or do they cheat on the metric lumber as well?

[Captn_Black]

Originally Posted by skipmac

This is something that has annoyed me for years but I do know why it's so.

Measurements on finished lumber is based on the original rough sawn board before planing and finishing. So an actual 2x4 is cut from a log but before it's sold the rough cut board is planed and sanded smooth leaving a 1 1/2 x 3 1/2.

What's particularly annoying is trying to calculate the spacing when building a wall or similar and trying to center sheets of plywood or sheet rock to meet on the vertical joints of the 2x4 framing. I guess the pros do it all the time and it's easy but I don't and have managed to make a mess out of a couple of DIY projects.

So as I understand it, in the metric world they have 5x10s (cm). Are those really 5x10 or do they cheat on the metric lumber as well?

Nominal Actual Actual - Metric
2" x 2" 1-1/2" x 1-1/2" 38 x 38 mm
2" x 4" 1-1/2" x 3-1/2" 38 x 89 mm
2" x 6" 1-1/2" x 5-1/2" 38 x 140 mm
2" x 8" 1-1/2" x 7-1/4" 38 x 184 mm

In UK we call them 2 by 4's also though, but I don't know if that's something we picked up from you guys or not. I work with both. Inches when accuracy isn't important, metric when it is, usually, at least that's how I do it. Although when doing actual joinery I don't often measure for the final stages, rather I mark the piece by fitting it after getting it close to the right size by measuring. Depends on the job though.

[MicHughV]

even though some units are now in metric. ie, a 50 x 100 mm....it's still called a "two by four"
airlines still us " feet" to describe their altitude...

I understand exactly what 100 mph is....160 km/hr, simple doesn't have the the same meaning to me...

I also understand 100 horsepower better than the equivalent 75 kw...

a 6' tall person I understand...a 1.8M person I do not...

having a beer means 12 oz to me...a pint is something for milk....

etc, etc, etc.....

[MicHughV]

here in the US....engineering and surveying are now " decimalized" but not metricated. ie, ten and a half inches is now 10.5"....

it can be a tad confusing......

[Captn_Black]

Yup, it's 2 nautical miles to the south side of the bay, but 80 meters to the beach at the north

[MicHughV]

The Atlantic InterCoastal Waterway is measured in "Statute miles...not nautical miles..confusing when your knot meter reads in nautical miles...

[socaldmax]

[Captn_Black]

[Captn_Black]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

here in the US....engineering and surveying are now " decimalized" but not metricated. ie, ten and a half inches is now 10.5"....

it can be a tad confusing......

Oh god... Decimal inches!

[AKA-None]

I have absolutely no idea what that language is you people are talking.

[south4320]

Originally Posted by Captn_Black

Wasn't trying to fact-check you, but was am interested in etymology etc, and found this on the matter -

The joke about the second appendage is most likely to have come from the widespread cases of goitre in Tasmania throughout the 19th and 20th centuries.

Goitre is the swelling of the neck due to the enlargement of the thyroid gland.

And what causes an enlargement of the thyroid gland? An iodine deficiency.

Paul AC Richards is a retired professor of nuclear medicine, and worked with patients with thyroid conditions throughout his career.

"Tasmania is mildly iodine deficient, and during the 19th and 20th centuries in particular, there was a tremendous amount of goitre in Tasmania," Professor Richards said.

"Sometimes these goitres were very, very large, and so the joke went around that it was protruding like a second head."



https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-06-...ond%20head.%22

In the seventies we used to get a daily bottle of milk at school due to the iodine content. Small glass bottle probably about 600ml. Different flavours.
But being Tas born and bred you do see lots of small towns where a lot of people are related. That's changed a bit in the last twenty years due to the influx of retirees from the mainland. Unfortunately they haven't contributed to diversifying the gene pool.