The New Joke Thread

[LakeSuperior]

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she growled angrily.

“Sorry, force of habit.” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

[LakeSuperior]

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy,
the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.

“But it’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said.

“Sexuality?! ” the mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

[LakeSuperior]

Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks, "How many wives are we allowed to have?"

His little buddy answered, "Sixteen I think. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!"

[Buzzman]

Meh. I'd stick with the four richer.....they gotta at least be useful...

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Meh. I'd stick with the four richer.....they gotta at least be useful...

The better ones are not bad either...

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

On the bright side, when the pandemic surges again in the fall, it will completely wipe out our alien invaders, because they have no herd immunity. So, we'll enjoy a month of relief before the asteroid completely wipes us out, too.

[LakeSuperior]

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.

One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the checkout counter."

"I can handle that without a problem," she replied as she picked up a six pack and headed for the checkout.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

[LakeSuperior]

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between you and I, we'll show him how wrong he is."

[LakeSuperior]

My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He can’t say ‘please’ which I think is poor for four.

[LakeSuperior]

Today I finally learned who coined the phrase, "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."

It was President Abraham Lincoln.

[socaldmax]

A friend of mine reliving his glory days as a motocross racer.

[socaldmax]