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24-05-2020, 05:39
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#10531
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome and he is wearing historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him.
He goes to the counter and asks the clerk, "Do you have XL togas?"
Clerk, "Well, yes. But why do you need so many?"
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24-05-2020, 05:39
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#10532
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Why do Irishmen never move from Canada back to Ireland?
Because they saw the advertisement, "Drink Canada Dry," and they've been trying ever since.
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24-05-2020, 05:45
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#10533
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Miami
Boat: EDELCAT33
Posts: 857
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Re: The New Joke Thread
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24-05-2020, 05:50
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#10534
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Miami
Boat: EDELCAT33
Posts: 857
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Gramps Luis, please tell us your secret
- Well, I ****ed my sister in law for over 20 years!
No Gramps! Tell us your secret about longevity!
- Oh! OK - practice cycling [emoji468]*♀️ as a long life exercise
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24-05-2020, 05:55
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#10535
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,888
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior
They want us to get vaccinated so they can inject us with microchips and track us anywhere.
- Sent from my iPhone -
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Haven't you heard, it's not "they", it's Bill Gates
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24-05-2020, 06:12
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#10536
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,888
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlosproa
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According to various online translators:
Well, one time I was drunk and I f****ed my mother/midwife/weasel
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24-05-2020, 07:21
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#10537
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Canada
Boat: Don’t own a boat at this time yet.
Posts: 151
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlosproa
Gramps Luis, please tell us your secret
- Well, I ****ed my sister in law for over 20 years!
No Gramps! Tell us your secret about longevity!
- Oh! OK - practice cycling [emoji468]*♀️ as a long life exercise
Attachment 215688
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Nowhere it says “for over 20 years” )
“Once I was drunk and I f***** my sister in law”
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24-05-2020, 07:59
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#10538
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: New Jersey
Boat: Jeanneau Sun Odyssey 40.3
Posts: 164
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Re: The New Joke Thread
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24-05-2020, 08:12
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#10539
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Why would Bill Gates bother with microchip implant schemes, or whatever? I'd bet my next paycheck that there isn't a single person who goes online that doesn't connect to or through or otherwise utilize Microsoft software at some point or another in the overall scheme of things, regardless if their own device is made by Apple (or whatever) running "other" software.
"Mr. Gates" et al already has access to have access. Maybe high level encryption might help. Maybe. I guess that's the joke.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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24-05-2020, 08:14
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#10540
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Tried to change my bank password. Got this response:
Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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24-05-2020, 08:21
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#10541
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
this is a test
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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24-05-2020, 08:30
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#10542
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Between Panama and Florida
Boat: Beebe Passagemaker 50'
Posts: 716
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax
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And from the look at it, has a pencil sized . . . . .
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24-05-2020, 08:33
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#10543
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Between Panama and Florida
Boat: Beebe Passagemaker 50'
Posts: 716
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax
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Lots more blank posts . . . I'm beginning to think it's me!
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24-05-2020, 09:59
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#10544
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Because of my wife isnt well and with this covid-19 thingy keeping us in lockdown mode I've taken over all galley duties.
- I always take my wife morning coffee in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
- I spend about 7% of meal preparation time walking back to the trash bin to check the box for how long to microwave the dinner.
- My cooking is so bad that we pray AFTER the meal.
- I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- I went down the local supermarket. I said: "I want to make a complaint - this vinegar’s got lumps in it." He said: "Those are pickled onions."
- There's this takeaway eatery near our apartment that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
- I bought some new eyeglasses. My observational comedy improved.
(G'wan.... laugh. It's healthy.)
Remember: “Without geometry, life is pointless.”
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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24-05-2020, 14:01
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#10545
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CF Adviser
Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 10,280
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueH2Obound
And from the look at it, has a pencil sized . . . . .
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Be kind,
the IM cannot wear clothes and stay invisible and it looks quite nippy
Also, top right is in the early throes of gag reflex
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