The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by Dr. D

..... As an atheist, I found it quite amusing.

Being a fellow atheist is the only way I remain sane.

It turns out it's the religious who are actually the weirdos!

[Pedo sex scandals etc etc etc....]

[fxykty]

Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr

In honor of the current page number,...



If 666 is the number of evil, then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.

$666.95 - Retail price of the Beast

$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax

$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast

6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast

00666 - Zip code of the Beast

1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.

Route 666 - Highway of the Beast

666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast

666k - Retirement plan of the Beast

6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.

i66686 - CPU of the Beast

666i - BMW of the Beast

DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

2x4x666 - Lumber of the Beast

999 - Number of the Beast in Australia

Who knew, that explains everything we’ve heard over the last 5 weeks of lockdown. We live at 668!

[GordMay]

[smbdyiam2]

woman goes to Dr. says I want to quit smoking.
Dr. gives her a prescription. She takes prescription to drug store. They tell her insurance pays for this. Buttttt before we can fill it you have to take the starter set. Insurance does not pay for this, It is $500. then you can start the free stuff.
Woman says it is cheaper to smoke. walks out.
6 months later. She goes to Dr. tells him about that starter prescription and the $500,
Dr. says I don't understand . but will give you a different prescription. This is an antidepressant med. so you can stop smoking and don't get depressed while stopping.
Great. Woman fills prescription no cost insurance pays for it. Now she does not worry about quitting.
Sense she doesn't worry about quitting she goes from 2 packs a day ---to 3 1/2 packs a day.
after 2 Years she is back down to 2 packs a day. Dr. complains that she still smokes.

[GordMay]

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Is that some kind of recoilless rifle? I’ve never seen a rifled rocket / missile launcher?

[LakeSuperior]

A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.

To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

[LakeSuperior]

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

[LakeSuperior]

At a restaurant...

ME: I'll have the mouse, please.

WAITER: That's mousse, sir.

ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

At a restaurant...

ME: I'll have the mouse, please.

WAITER: That's mousse, sir.

ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food

My brother went to a pizza place and ordered the large pizza. He asked if the could cut it into 6 pieces instead of the regular 8 pieces. When he was asked why he said that he didn't think he could eat all 8 pieces. yes it runs in family

[StuM]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

Is that some kind of recoilless rifle? I’ve never seen a rifled rocket / missile launcher?

Carl Gustav 84mm Recoilless Rifle. They've been in general use around the world for about 70 years.
Known as the M3 in the US military.

The latest iteration is the M3E1
US Army Acquires M3E1 Re-Usable Missile System – Warfare.Today

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by Cat36Mahalo

Oh come on the only way to set accurately is with a dwell meter -cap on or off

You had a dwell meter?!?!? I used my fingernail. When dad bought a feeler gauge at a farm auction I thought we had really moved in with the rich folks.

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Communism would be hard to implement here. No one obeys the rules. They would have to put everyone in a concentration camp first.

A "re-education camp".....

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by darylat8750

A "re-education camp".....

Or, to save money on construction, they just issue a "stay at home" order.