The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

This comes from the "What the Hell did I do?" file...

I was at Lake Havasu with a buddy of mine and we were sitting up late at night drinking and talking about off road racing. He asked me what I thought it would cost to field a competitive SCORE team with a trophy truck. I knew he had a couple million in various retirement accts, so I told him a competitive new truck would cost about a million and operating costs for the yr would come out to about a million per yr, possibly slightly more if we had a lot of breakage/bad luck. If he went with a used truck, it would cost about $500-600K but still cost close to $1M/yr to run it.

We daydreamed about racing the Baja 1000 and he told me I'd be co-driver if we fielded a team and I joked with him, "The way to make a small fortune in racing is to start with a large fortune." We got a good chuckle over that one.

We went to bed and the next morning I woke up and helped his wife fix breakfast. She asked what we did and I told her we daydreamed about starting a SCORE race team, if only we had the money. She told me her mother recently gave them $300M as a retirement gift (they were both 50 yrs old) and I spit my orange juice out!!

When he woke up, I asked him if he was still thinking about going racing and he said, "No, you successfully talked me out of that!"

[GordMay]

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I think the other funny part is a Pollock is a type of fish, a Polack is from Poland.

The name of my last boat was Polox. Part of the joke is the misspelling of the plural. My wife has a little Polish in her as well. Going to find out if she wants a little more...[emoji7]

[Eigenvector]

240 or 241, Whatever it takes.

[Eigenvector]

7 and 1 = 8

[carstenb]

A Texan and a West Virginian were sitting at the bar drinking. A Texan always wants to impress with how everything is bigger in the Lone star state, so he leans over and says:

"At home, I can get in my truck and drive all day without leaving my property"

The West Virginian takes a sip of his beer and replies:

"Yeah, I got me a truck like that too"

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

A post I made to a cruiser's profile on another social media where she was discussing head repairs:
Life on a boat is almost never boring (except occasionally on the night watch).

Here are some suggested categories for organizing boat projects:
- Get around to it: Nice-to-have improvements to the boat that you want to make (e.g. change color scheme in main saloon) (Note that such improvements the other half wants automatically jump to the next higher category.)

- Get to soon: Need to be done but not necessarily urgently (e.g. repair caulking on a hatch that isn't leaking yet; try a different brand of beer)
- Pre-underway: Must be completed before getting underway to your next planned scenic wonderland (e.g. repair caulking on a hatch that leaks; restock beer fridge)
- Urgent: Any repair to a system vital to health and safety (e.g. propane leaks; potable water leaks more than a few drops/minute; beer inventory down to last six-pack) These typically call for dropping everything else except for emergencies. Head repairs other than minor packing leakage ALWAYS fall in this category.
- Emergencies: Must take immediate action to save a life, prevent serious injury, or prevent the boat from sinking (e.g. galley fire; flooding through a sea cock; run out of beer). These are typically easy to categorize since you don’t need to look for the problem; it usually finds you.

Standing by for flack.

[smbdyiam2]

trying to keep this non political. I just got email telling me THEY had A GREAT PLAN for the oil problems right now.
Price is low (not a problem to me).
Large surplus of oil (not a problem to me
No one using much as stay at home increases. (not a """)
Oil companies losing money= protentional profit. ("""")
Lets just store it!!!!! That's the GREAT PLAN !!!

[smbdyiam2]

I just realized that I have been staying home so I wasn't part of the problem.
Only to find out that by staying home I caused the problem.
Sounds like something ex would say.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by carstenb

A Texan and a West Virginian were sitting at the bar drinking. A Texan always wants to impress with how everything is bigger in the Lone star state, so he leans over and says:

"At home, I can get in my truck and drive all day without leaving my property"

The West Virginian takes a sip of his beer and replies:

"Yeah, I got me a truck like that too"

The first part reminds me of a scene from the movie The Big Country (1958) where one of the locals asks Gregory Peck if he's ever seen anything (in reference to the land) so big. He replies yep, and is asked where. He replies, "The Ocean!

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

... Oil companies losing money= protentional profit. (""""Lets just store it!!!!! That's the GREAT PLAN !!!

Except, they're running out of storage capacity.
On Monday, the price for West Texas Intermediate (WTI), for delivery next month, fell more than $50, to negative $37.63 US.
The May contracts are set to finalize on today (April 21), meaning anyone left holding one, will have to physically receive the oil — and storage options are filling up, especially in the U.S. Midwest. No one wants to be stuck with the oil, and traders were willing to take heavy losses, to ditch the contracts before they come due.
The contracts for several other grades of crude in North America are also near zero or in the negative, including Western Canada Select, a blend produced from the Alberta oilsands.

The day oil was worth less than $0 — and nobody wanted it! ➥ https://www.bbc.com/news/business-52350082

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Except, they're running out of storage capacity.
On Monday, the price for West Texas Intermediate (WTI), for delivery next month, fell more than $50, to negative $37.63 US.
The May contracts are set to finalize on today (April 21), meaning anyone left holding one, will have to physically receive the oil — and storage options are filling up, especially in the U.S. Midwest. No one wants to be stuck with the oil, and traders were willing to take heavy losses, to ditch the contracts before they come due.
The contracts for several other grades of crude in North America are also near zero or in the negative, including Western Canada Select, a blend produced from the Alberta oilsands.

I would say it is a great time to buy a gas guzzler except there is no place to drive to!

As you point, it is nowhere as simple as that but it sounds funny for a moment. Oh yeah, and the whole the price of oil is not the same as the price of gas thing.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Except, they're running out of storage capacity.
On Monday, the price for West Texas Intermediate (WTI), for delivery next month, fell more than $50, to negative $37.63 US.
The May contracts are set to finalize on today (April 21), meaning anyone left holding one, will have to physically receive the oil — and storage options are filling up, especially in the U.S. Midwest. No one wants to be stuck with the oil, and traders were willing to take heavy losses, to ditch the contracts before they come due.
The contracts for several other grades of crude in North America are also near zero or in the negative, including Western Canada Select, a blend produced from the Alberta oilsands.

Yesterday was 4/20/2020 exactly 10 years ago 4/20/2010 was the big oil leak in the gulf . I really don't feel sorry for anything big oil. Sorry

[Tayana42]

Why not store it in the ground where it’s been for millions of years?

[Tayana42]

Still not doing much so today I vacuumed just to fill the void.