The New Joke Thread

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

https://flalottery.com/home

And I was planning on winning tomorrow

Maybe this will help?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQt8pYUY6Q

[ArmyDaveNY]

Here are some important self help ideas from The Onion. https://www.theonion.com/the-dos-and...ing-1842428522

As the coronavirus spreads, many health experts are calling for Americans to practice social distancing, a process that would limit the passage of the virus between people and avoid a mass outbreak of simultaneous cases, but there is widespread confusion over what it means. The Onion looks at the dos and don’ts of social distancing.
DO: Go for a walk every day to remind yourself how outside used to be.

DON’T: Eat any food that hasn’t first gone through at least one cycle in a washing machine.

DO: Shop for groceries at an off-peak time, such as a month ago.

DON’T: Feel any pressure to self-isolate until more of your favorite celebrities test positive.

DO: Calmly remind your kids that this is all temporary, so they shouldn’t get used to spending quality time with you.

DON’T: Beat yourself up for going out on St. Patrick’s Day despite ample warnings and directly contributing to the deaths of five grandmas.

DO: Avoid serious introspection into your flaws as a friend, partner, and human.

DON’T: Think that this will be over anytime soon.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

Maybe this will help?

Tomorrow== remember tomorrow never comes that's why I plan for it.
Sorry could not hear music /sound on you tube no speakers no hearing.

If you have winning numbers for tomorrow PM me

[smbdyiam2]

I have a few lottery tickets that I would sell. Only used once. like new, reduced prices?

[ArmyDaveNY]

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/pap...se-prospector/

I wasn't sure if I should post this article since I am not sure how much of an appetite there is for this type of humour!
Dozens of members of a remote tribe of New Guinea have been infected by the coronavirus after they presumably killed, butchered and ate a Chinese mining prospector infected with the disease.

A total of 14 members of the Korowai tribe have died and 87 others have tested positive to the Covid-19 virus over the last two weeks, over a population of 118.
After several days of thorough investigation, the governmental authorities believe they may finally have found the reason for the mysterious contamination of this extremely isolated tribe.
Several members of the tribe said they became sick after eating the “yellow evil spirit”.
According to Lt. James Manning of the Royal Papua New Guinea Constabulary, the country’s national police, this could explain the disappearance of 57-year old Chinese engineer Wu Jing in the region at the end of February.

“Several tribesmen related encountering, hunting and eating a yellow devil a few weeks ago. This corresponds with the time Mr. Wu was reported missing.”

The prospector for the Zijin Mining Group was reported missing on February 28, only four days after arriving from China.

“It seems the tribal elders feared he would bring harm to them and declared him to be a demon. They ordered him killed and eaten by the entire tribe, contaminating all of them.”

Only the children under age twelve were spared as they were not allowed by tradition to participate in cannibalistic rituals.
According to Dr. Frederick Murphy, one of the few people allowed to visit the tribe, every single adult of the village is infected.

The Korowai tribe is one of the last known tribes in the world to still practice cannibalism.
They believe it is necessary to kill and eat a person whom they believe has been taken over by a khakua, a kind of evil spirit or demon.
This violent and gruesome custom may have caused their loss in the end, as the tribe’s witch doctor was powerless against the coronavirus and was one of the first victims to succumb to the disease.
Several members of the tribe are severely ill, but their isolation makes it impossible for them to be transported to the hospital,
The Papuan government has promised to send doctors and pharmaceuticals to help them cope with the pandemic but fears the Korowai could be totally wiped out by the disease.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

I wasn't sure if I should post this article since I am not sure how much of an appetite there is for this type of humour!

It's the Cruisers Forum joke thread, mate, so have at it! New content always welcome. That was a pretty good one, BTW.

[smbdyiam2]

if and when this virus is ended and the economy need a kick start ;
Could we have a fake war and give everyone Blanks.

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by Pgutierrez

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/belgium-health-minister-puts-ban-on-non-essential-sexual-activities-of-persons-3-or-greater-in-indoor-areas/

The best part is in the comments:

My wife has three sisters that look like donkeys and I’m told I’m hung like one, maybe we’re safe?

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by CaptTom

The best part is in the comments:

Wait.... Beastiality jokes are permitted on CF?


edit: Oh, yeah. The stranger in the pub who takes on the challange of drinking 10 pints of beer in 10 minutes, then sexually pleasing the landlords wife, and then removing an abscessed tooth from a caged grizzly bear.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[Buzzman]

Hey, SVM! Were you there that night?
Can you remember what I did with my wallet? I haven't seen it since...
Thought maybe the bear et it..??

[Pelagic]

New Abandon Ship Rules

https://www.facebook.com/groups/Sail...sn=mo&d=n&vh=i

[socaldmax]

From the "You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up" News files...

Strippers in Portland who have been out of work since the stay-at-home order went into effect have now come up with a new way to make money.

They're now doing topless food delivery. I'm going to order 6 meals a day, one french fry at a time!

[smbdyiam2]

up load door cam videos Please