The New Joke Thread

[smbdyiam2]

Antivirus program still working. I placed hand on computer and it is not running a temperature. promised to bury it if it coughed or sneezed.

Washed hands after exam.

[svmariane]

According to the experts we should be practicing social distancing during this current pandemic. Group gatherings should be for no more than 10 people at a time (avg recommendation) and smaller is better. Right? Right.

But here on CF popular threads like this one routinely draw 30, 40, 50 or more people - all simultaneously co-mingling! Moreover, some members are known to routinely, blatently and willfully spread infectious, sometimes even debilitating, laughter. While it's been said that laughter is the best medicine the advice is naive, as it does nothing regarding knock-on effects such as treating vunerable keyboards ruined by through-the-nose spurted coffee. Shocking, really.

Social media sites are social gathering places that ignore, well, ignore lots of stuff, actually. Even "The Mods" can't always keep things in check. (Please don't remove this post! This isn't forbidden critisism of the mods! Aw.... Give me a break.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah - social gathering vs social distancing on social media platforms. There's gotta be a joke in there. Somewhere. Come, child. Let us delve into the mysteries shrouded within the mystical confines of the world wide web. To search! Oh, that hidden treasures to uncover anew.




I need a new hobby.

[smbdyiam2]

I'm practicing anti social distancing. I told my nearest neighbor That he had bad breath, I didn't ask him over , and next time bring a beer. He hasn't been over in 2 days. Do I need to send some one to check on his health? or is the nasty things he leaves on answering machine enough?

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Where was I? Oh, yeah - social gathering vs social distancing on social media platforms. There's gotta be a joke in there.

Now it's called social distancing? All this time I've been doing it they've been calling me anti-social!

[Montanan]

For all the new stay at homers.

[SaltyMetals]

They said a mask and gloves was all i needed to enter the supermarket.

They Lied! Everybody else had clothes on.....

Andrew

[ArmyDaveNY]

I thought I might start to take this Coronavirus thing seriously, so I decided to get tested, just to be safe. It seems that things are good!

[Bullshooter]

They said he had an infectious laugh, but...

It turns out he was just a carrier.

[smbdyiam2]

looked at calendar again thought it said
1984

[Pgutierrez]

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/belgium-health-minister-puts-ban-on-non-essential-sexual-activities-of-persons-3-or-greater-in-indoor-areas/

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by Pgutierrez

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/belgium-health-minister-puts-ban-on-non-essential-sexual-activities-of-persons-3-or-greater-in-indoor-areas/

Good to know that sexual activity among pairs of people in outdoor areas is still authorized. Even if non-essential.

[GordMay]

From the article:
“... Belgium Health minister has put a ban on all sexual activities of three people or more after a coronavirus party last week turned into a 500-participant orgy and ended with 380 cases of contamination...
... Health minister De Block did not ban single or two-person sexual practices such as masturbation, anal or oral sex, or even bestiality.
“These measures apply only to human-to-human sexual contact, not human-to-animal contact,” she added when questioned about bestiality by reporters.
A 2018 survey revealed that more than 78% of Belgian couples openly practice wife swapping, a cultural trait that became common practice in the 19th century under the rule of King Leopold II.
➥ https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/bel...-indoor-areas/

[smbdyiam2]

https://howmuchtoiletpaper.com/

enough said

[smbdyiam2]

https://flalottery.com/home

And I was planning on winning tomorrow

[GordMay]

Further to my post #8937 https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f80/the-new-joke-thread-145284.html#post3099889

World News Daily Report assumes all responsibility for the satirical nature of its articles and for the fictional nature of their content. All characters appearing in the articles in this website – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional and any resemblance between them and any person, living, dead or undead, is purely a miracle.