The New Joke Thread

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

BTW, remind my 9-yr old self what math nerds call those equations that go like this:

(x + y)(x + y)= something or other

From memory, the equation resolves as X^2 + 2xy + y^2 = something or other

I vaguely recall being OK at them, for some inexplicable reason....

Can't for the life of me recall how they go now, 50 years on...

Feel free to fall off your chair laughing.....

You probably hear this all the time... but that’s a pretty nice quadratic you have there.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who are good with math and those who are not!

YES! Exactly! Oh... hang on...

[flyingnut40]

New reality??

[Montanan]

The newly minted British 50P coin commemorating Brexit Day, January 31, 2020 is controversial because it lacks an Oxford comma. The coin’s vexing wording: “Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations.” One of many tweeter responses regarding the improper punctuation included this guidance.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who are good with math and those who are not!

No, there are two types of people in the world:
A. Those that think there are two types of people in the world.
And
B. Those that don’t.

[svmariane]

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." -Will Rogers

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by GILow

You probably hear this all the time... but that’s a pretty nice quadratic you have there.

Ah, so it is a 'quadratic'..?? My recollection of my 9-yr-old self thought so, but couldn't tell from google search....those quadratics looked WAY harder than anything my 9-yr-old self tackled.

These days I can just about manage long division on paper ... anything else I need to call my math nerd aunt. [Actually, she's now 'old timers-affected', so looks like I'm truly f****ed..]

ANNOUNCEMENT: Sorry, can't do math any more...!!!

[Montanan]

Watch and chuckle: Short GIF.

http://i.hilariousgifs.com/atm-line-...wyfYj2BH6i964g

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

Originally Posted by Adelie

No, there are two types of people in the world:
A. Those that think there are two types of people in the world.
And
B. Those that don’t.

How about conflating this joke with math:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Eigenvector]

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

[socaldmax]

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to
cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story – Pay your bloody bills !!!

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Is u real?

[JPA Cate]

Eigenvector? Real? Of course! At least, he may be.

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by Dreaming Yachtsman

How about conflating this joke with math:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

11 cheers for binary!

[GILow]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Eigenvector? Real? Of course! At least, he may be.

Either that or he/she’s imaginary.