Visit our Popular Forums

socaldmax · 23-12-2019, 00:25

This isn't a joke, but the funny thing is, I found this picture on Facebook.

The guy on the left in the blue shirt and shorts is the last CO of my first boat, doing a double re-enlistment at what looks like the edge of the Grand Canyon. To say he was a very relaxed, outstanding sub CO would be an understatement. Everyone gave 100% in an effort not to disappoint him.

After about 2 yrs onboard, I became Leading Petty Officer of the Electronics Division on the boat. One of the ETs who worked for me was JP, who looked exactly like the CO from behind when we were at sea wearing our poopy suits. The CO was supposed to wear a khaki colored belt with his blue poopy suit, but he felt it clashed, so he wore a black belt with it and looked like all of the enlisted men.

One afternoon, he came up to control and stood in front of the Nav. chart, where JP would normally be standing watch. Meanwhile, our big, fat, hairy, bare bellied cook nicknamed "McNasty" took a break and came up to control to see what was going on.

Seeing what he thought was JP from behind, he smacked and grabbed a big old handful of ass cheek and the CO jumped and spun around. McNasty about sh*t himself when he realized he'd just sexually assaulted the CO of the boat! He said, "I'm so sorry sir! I thought you were someone else!"

The CO replied, "Obviously. I didn't think you intended to do that to me. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

McNasty said, "Nice ass?"

The CO started laughing so hard, the rest of us came over to see what was so funny, and the CO told us the whole story.

The CO had a 12 seat airplane and every weekend, he would fly 12 crew members with him from Vallejo down to San Diego to see our wives. He posted up a sign up sheet every Wed. and only charged $20 per person to help with fuel costs.

Every Friday morning, he would make this announcement: "We are going to take off at noon today and we'll be departing San Diego at about 6 pm on Sun., weather permitting. If weather delays us, don't worry about being U.A. because I know where you are, you're with me!"

When I re-enlisted, the yeomen said they had my contract and everything was in order. Shore duty in HI and a bonus of $20,000, they'd get the check tomorrow.

The CO stopped everything and said, "I want you to know in advance, the Navy is only giving you 50% now, after taxes the check is only going to be $7500. The rest of it will come in 3 annual installments of only $2500 ea. I won't let you sign anything until the check is here and in your hands." At that point, he ordered one of the yeomen to go get the check from PSD now, which they did, then we did the re enlistment ceremony.

Those orders as an advanced electronics instructor and later Instructor Training Instructor changed the entire trajectory of my life. Five years later, for the last 6 months of my career, I received offers from 3 different defense contractors in a bidding war to come work for them.

**GordMay** · 23-12-2019, 02:02

scaredycat · 23-12-2019, 02:18

That is a great yarn.
I spent a fabulous year there in Vallejo in the 70's, with regular weekends driving to San Diego which I loved. One of my favorite cities.

There was a sub mariners bar off base somewhere which I and a few mates frequented after school, which was an absolute hoot. Many tall tales and lies were told with much frivolity and friendship. You yanks though, never did understand the dangers of Drop-bears. Quite unique to Australia.

socaldmax · 23-12-2019, 09:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredycat

That is a great yarn.
I spent a fabulous year there in Vallejo in the 70's, with regular weekends driving to San Diego which I loved. One of my favorite cities.

There was a sub mariners bar off base somewhere which I and a few mates frequented after school, which was an absolute hoot. Many tall tales and lies were told with much frivolity and friendship. You yanks though, never did understand the dangers of Drop-bears. Quite unique to Australia.

Ah, that was most likely "Horse & Cow 33-1/3". The bartender was named Mike.

It was THE sub bar until about 1998, when the base no longer had any subs. They also opened up a new place down in San Diego around 1990 and moved half of the sub memorabilia down there. Then sometime later, Mike's GF took it over and turned it into a yuppie bar, so Mike and Jimmy moved the H&C to Guam and opened one up in Bremerton as well.

I've been to the original Vallejo and the San Diego locations quite a few times, never been to the Guam or Bremerton locations. Lots of crazy stuff used to happen in those bars!