The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Fiveslide

Why does spellcheck think OAC is correct?

The spell check algorithm is designed to predict the next word you're typing based on the frequency of past words you've typed, or are more commonly used.

That's always fun to point out to people who keep sending you extremely perverted text messages and claim it was "a spell check error."

[socaldmax]

I'll tell them a unicorn just farted on their head...

[CaptTom]

Yeah, predictive spelling... I may have posted this before, but here goes...

I was on vacation with my wife, and sent a text to a (female) mutual friend, with that old postcard-like saying "Wish you were here!"

Of course, my phone decided to change it to "Wish you were her!"

Thank god I caught it before pressing "send," but I found it so funny that I had to show it to my wife. I think maybe that was a mistake...

[socaldmax]

Now if someone could make an app that could predict the bitter half's reaction to their spouse's attempts at humor, he'd be the world's fastest billionaire!

Did my phone just change my post to bitter half?

Oh my!

[socaldmax]

From a farmer friend of mine...

[LakeSuperior]

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

[LakeSuperior]

I was suspicious or my girl friend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So I pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ...

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects.


Okay, not quite a joke but whatever!

[GordMay]

[StuM]

Had to google to get the connection between cinnamon and Fireball. For others unfamiliar it it, it turns out that Fireball is a Canadian cinnamon flavoured "whisky". (Yuck!)

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by StuM

Had to google to get the connection between cinnamon and Fireball. For others unfamiliar it it, it turns out that Fireball is a Canadian cinnamon flavoured "whisky". (Yuck!)

Me too. According to a Google search... "By 2011, Fireball was selling 45,000 cases a year and racking up around $1.9 million in shelf sales. Two years later, it would top $61 million. (Neither of those numbers account for bar purchases, either.) IRI, a research group that tracks analytics, estimates that by 2014 the brand was doing more than $800 million in sales both off the shelf at liquor stores, and in the bar."

Eight hundred million USD in sales!

I'd swallow my pride for a taste of that profit!

[a64pilot]

It’s also I believe a drink made from a brand of cinnamon flavored schnapps, Hot Damn, mixed with Tabasco sauce
http://www.completecocktails.com/Dri...x#.XJf9cRopCfA

Cinnamon flavored whiskey sounds nasty

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Me too. According to a Google search... "By 2011, Fireball was selling 45,000 cases a year and racking up around $1.9 million in shelf sales. Two years later, it would top $61 million. (Neither of those numbers account for bar purchases, either.) IRI, a research group that tracks analytics, estimates that by 2014 the brand was doing more than $800 million in sales both off the shelf at liquor stores, and in the bar."

Eight hundred million USD in sales!

I'd swallow my pride for a taste of that profit!

That's a lot of money!

I became friends with one of the Baja racers, he spends a couple million a yr on his little hobby. He confided in me that he owns the local Coors beer distribution "house" which distributes Coors, Coors Light, Corona, and a whole slew of other imports and a few non-alcoholic drinks. The other "houses" being Anheuser Busch and Miller. He said his annual profit overall was $25 Million/yr (this was in 2004) and his profits on Red Bull (sold in small 4 pack cans) was $800K. This was only 7 yrs after Red Bull was introduced into the US.

He liked to say it was an ever growing business. When times are good, people celebrate with beer. When times are bad, people drown their sorrows in beer. Every day, a lot or people drink Red Bull just to get through the day.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Me too. According to a Google search... "By 2011, Fireball was selling 45,000 cases a year and racking up around $1.9 million in shelf sales. Two years later, it would top $61 million. (Neither of those numbers account for bar purchases, either.) IRI, a research group that tracks analytics, estimates that by 2014 the brand was doing more than $800 million in sales both off the shelf at liquor stores, and in the bar."

Eight hundred million USD in sales!

I'd swallow my pride for a taste of that profit!

Besides alcohol, the makeup industry makes even bigger profits!

Who knew there was so much money to be made in making women so attractive!

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

It’s also I believe a drink made from a brand of cinnamon flavored schnapps, Hot Damn, mixed with Tabasco sauce
Fireball Shot Cocktail Recipe with Picture

Cinnamon flavored whiskey sounds nasty

Fireball whiskey isn't as bad as it sounds. I can do 2 or 3 shots at a time, but that's about it. It's certainly not as bad as Jagermeister, which was (still is?) really popular on college campuses.

[StuM]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Besides alcohol, the makeup industry makes even bigger profits!

Who knew there was so much money to be made in making women so attractive!

A married couple -let's call them John and Margaret - are discussing the best way to tighten their belts.

Margaret: "For a start, you spend $30 a week on beer, so that's got to stop."

John: "But wait a minute -you spend $30 a week on make-up and beauty products."

Margaret: "Yes dear,, but that's to make me look attractive."

John: "And what do you think the beer's for"