The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

OK, time for a little test.


Q: “What do you call a sail with only two corners?”
A: I haven’t got a clew!

Q: If a boat could fly where would it go?
A: an airport

Q: How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

Q: Why is sailing like sex?
A: When it's good, it's really, really good. And when it's bad.....it's still pretty good.

Q: What do you call a competitive sailor who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What do you call a paddle sale at Cabela's.
A: Quite an oar deal.

Q: Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?
A: He was afraid of cap sizing.

Q: Why did the sailor keep his money on an elevated sea floor?
A: It was a bank.

[mako]

Out of 4000 jokes, the Chuck Norris ones are still the best. He da man

[boatman61]

Who's Chuck Norris.???

[transmitterdan]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Who's Chuck Norris.???

A fairly old American TV/movie star. He usually payed the part of a patriotic "tough guy" martial artist. He has a decent sense of humor about the absurdness of some characters he played.

I once anchored in a cove where he had a mansion set back about 200 yards from shore. Apparently we weren't supposed to anchor there because he came out to the yard and hit several golf balls that were obviously destined for our boat. None reached us and eventually he went back inside.

[transmitterdan]

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

[transmitterdan]

Many years ago we hade a fishing boat near Dallas. We were out fishing and a helicopter pops up over the lake chasing a cigarette boat doing about 50 knots. A guy swings out of the open helicopter door and opens up on the speeding boat with a fully automatic AR. We heard on the news that night 911 got about 20 calls from concerned citizens but they were just filming an episode of Walker Texas Ranger.

[ontherocks83]

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Legend has it that when little Carlos* was born, the only one that cried was the doctor. You just don’t slap Chuck Norris and get away with it.


* His name is actually Carlos Ray Norris. In fact, it wasn’t until he joined the Air Force that Carlos became “Chuck” Norris.

[john61ct]

My apologies.

SNL's Weekend Update: Michael Che on Bidets

https://youtu.be/tyKgETz_n8I

[socaldmax]

[Eigenvector]

[transmitterdan]

What did the commune use after dark for light before the invention of the candle?





Light bulbs.

[IslandHopper]

[delmarrey]

If I ever go missing, do not put my picture on milk cartons.
Put it on Captain Morgan bottles.
That way my friends can find me!

[GordMay]

Red sky at night - sailor’s delight.
Blue sky at night - day.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.

Q: What's the difference between a polar bear and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a polar bear ...