The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Now THAT's funny...!!!!

socaldmax - the keys locked in the car lacks a punch line.

Where's the twist in the tail?

Clearly, if the woman was blonde, that 'explains' it.

If the husband was 'arranging' it with his buddy the gas-station attendant so he could get off work early every other week, then that would 'explain' it....

But there's no 'punch line' to 'explain' the 'joke'.

Anyone who locks their keys in the car every week for two years is just plain stupid....
unless there is an 'ulterior reason' for doing so.

YMMV

I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. This was a true story, not a joke in the traditional sense.

This wasn't the worst of it, but it probably was the longest running example of it.

[Buzzman]

Ahhh.... truth is often stranger than fiction....

[Jim Cate]

Stolen from this month's Afloat:

Scotsman's sure cure for sea sickness... clench a coin between the teeth and lean overboard!

Jim

[Buzzman]

LOL... I read that one, and just lolled again....

[transmitterdan]

How to fish get high?


Seaweed

[socaldmax]

Here's an easy one...

[LakeSuperior]

What is a polar bear ?


It's a cartesian bear that changed its coordinates.

[LakeSuperior]

Two satellite dishes met on a roof.


They fell in love.


They got married.


The reception was brilliant.

[socaldmax]

[LakeSuperior]

I just realized I have a superpower..?


I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them.


It takes a while though.

[BobHorn]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.

[Fiveslide]

I think my son has a super power. When he wants and/or agrees to be picked up and carried, he feels light and the appropriate amount of effort is required to move him. When he doesn't want to be carried, like making him leave the boat or playground as an example, he feels like he weighs the same as a sumo wrestler and kicks like a kangaroo on meth.

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

THAT is one of the better ones!

Some of these other attempts at humor?

[LakeSuperior]

My wife thinks I should talk about things that bother me and how I am feeling instead of trying to change the subject.


But I just don’t think we are gonna get as much snow as they say this winter.

[LakeSuperior]

Sunday bonus joke...


y=mx+b jokes are nice and all.


But at some point, you're got to draw a line.



IMHO, these are so bad they're almost funny.