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07-11-2018, 14:42
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#3721
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 28,432
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Re: The New Joke Thread
@D&D,
Dark humour there.
Or, the link didn't work.
Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
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07-11-2018, 14:46
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#3722
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cruiser
Join Date: Jan 2017
Boat: Retired from CF
Posts: 13,317
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Yep doesn't work here, tried three platforms. Also looks too small, maybe got truncated
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07-11-2018, 15:31
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#3723
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
No glass or pedestrians were harmed in the making of this video:
https://twitter.com/tyrantasorus/sta...23980715233280
After viewing, scroll down for two different ones....
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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07-11-2018, 15:50
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#3724
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: New Orleans
Boat: Kaufman 47
Posts: 1,184
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot
As a kid I worked in the oil patch as a contract welder.
Our motto was measure it with a mic, mark it with chalk, beat to fit.
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Ha! Nice!!
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08-11-2018, 07:22
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#3725
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 541
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Some type of crazy contest
__________________
==========================
Now retired from the Oilfield,
Just Playing a Banjo in a Whorehouse.
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08-11-2018, 08:33
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#3726
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 541
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Never thought of it that way
__________________
==========================
Now retired from the Oilfield,
Just Playing a Banjo in a Whorehouse.
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08-11-2018, 08:52
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#3727
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PORTUGAL
Posts: 30,584
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector
Never thought of it that way
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Ahahahaaa.. With me it'll be 'All my friends in Hell..'
__________________
It was a dark and stormy night and the captain of the ship said.. "Hey Jim, spin us a yarn." and the yarn began like this.. "It was a dark and stormy night.."
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08-11-2018, 09:34
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#3728
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2016
Boat: Wauquiez Pretorien 35
Posts: 439
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Re: #^_(
Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy
YEP. Hilarious. NOT!
This could be almost as offending to any one that had any child born with a defect of any sort.
Some (or even one) could consider this horrid.
Just close this thread then HUH! _%^&_@)&%*&$)_(^*
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Do what I do. Laugh at the ones you find funny, ignore the ones that offend you.. Same way I pick my friends...As far as closing this thread, maybe you should just stop reading it??I personally look forward to it every morning. Just because you find it offensive, doesn't mean others do. Kinda like changing the channel...
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08-11-2018, 09:35
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#3729
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,351
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by boatman61
Ahahahaaa.. With me it'll be 'All my friends in Hell..'
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You know, if only the super do gooders make it to heaven, that could be hell?
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08-11-2018, 11:22
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#3730
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Port Alfred, South Africs
Boat: Rayvin 30
Posts: 105
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by OldManMirage
Mom and dad are having their first baby. Delivery goes fine, but the Doctor quickly notices a problem. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son has no eyelids."
Mom and dad are aghast. "Doctor, what can you do ?"
Doc says, "Its ok, we do have a procedure. When we circumcise him, we simply take the forskin and use it to create eyelids. He'll be fine, its just he will be a little cockeyed."
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Yes but think of the foresight he’ll have!
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08-11-2018, 12:20
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#3731
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,191
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Re: The New Joke Thread
This happened in a time long ago in a country far away. But as I speak the language spoken there, I can vouch for the veracity of it.
A lady, a keen breeder of doggies, is having a difficult time with one of her little breeding bitches whose ears keep bunging up with the doggy's luxuriant growth of fur. The lady visits the local apothecary and asks: “Can you recommend a good depillary?”
The apothecary reaches to a shelf behind him, brings down a bottle of something and sez: ”This one is quite wonderful! Absolutely capital! You can use it full strength under your arms, and you can use it on your face if you dilute it five to one with ordinary water”
“Well”, sez our lady, “it's actually for my snautzer”
“Oh”, in that case”, sez the apothecary, “dilute it twenty to one and don't ride a bicycle for three days!”
TP
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08-11-2018, 14:40
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#3732
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,829
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Okay... Could NOT resist "stealing" this one:
Ever wonder how old or how long a joke has been around?
Two couples were playing cards when Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.
When Dave arrived home he asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Then Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?"
Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."
This is from Gulfardo and Guasparruolo; The Lover's Gift Regained written in about 1350 and updated for modern times.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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08-11-2018, 15:41
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#3733
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Boat: Still building
Posts: 1,557
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Re: The New Joke Thread
How do your circumcise a whale...???
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You need four skin divers....
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08-11-2018, 16:51
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#3734
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Would 4 mohels work?
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08-11-2018, 17:20
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#3735
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Niagara on the Lake Canada
Posts: 187
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Q. What is the difference between a hoover and a harley?
A. Location of the dirtbag.
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