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30-09-2015, 13:57
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#421
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: Still have the 33yo Jon boat. But now a CATAMARAN. Nice little 18' Bay Cat.
Posts: 7,086
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
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Who knows what is next.
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30-09-2015, 13:57
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#422
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: Still have the 33yo Jon boat. But now a CATAMARAN. Nice little 18' Bay Cat.
Posts: 7,086
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Re: The New Joke Thread
. Q: Why did the robber take a bath? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
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Who knows what is next.
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01-10-2015, 01:45
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#423
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, in Tasmania, Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 28,524
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy
. Q: Why did the robber take a bath? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
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OMG, Therapy, what's next? elephant jokes?
Thanks for the smile.
Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
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01-10-2015, 02:05
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#424
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,891
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate
OMG, Therapy, what's next? elephant jokes?
Thanks for the smile.
Ann
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Since you asked so nicely:
Why do elephants paint there toenails red?
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So that they can hide in cherry trees.
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01-10-2015, 02:19
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#425
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2012
Location: At sea somewhere in the Pacific
Boat: Jeanneau Sun Fast 40.3
Posts: 6,380
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Why do ducks have big feet?
So they can stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have big feet
So they can stamp out burning ducks
ok take me outta here
__________________
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Our books have gotten 5 star reviews on Amazon. Several readers have written "I never thought I would go on a circumnavigation, but when I read these books, I was right there in the cockpit with Vinni and Carsten"
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01-10-2015, 07:20
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#426
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: edmonton alberta
Boat: 1992 lagoon 42 tpi
Posts: 1,730
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Re: The New Joke Thread
With the coming season...
How do you tell the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman....
Snow balls;-)
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01-10-2015, 07:24
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#427
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris mac
With the coming season...
How do you tell the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman....
Snow balls;-)
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Let me guess...
she carries his snowballs in her purse...
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01-10-2015, 07:35
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#428
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Marine Service Provider
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Palm Bay Florida
Posts: 274
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Re: The New Joke Thread
The new catamarans are out. Please consider the added wind displacement when factoring your scope and rode.
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01-10-2015, 07:59
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#429
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 21
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Re: The New Joke Thread
A tourist visiting Australia for the first time was going through customs.
"Do you have a criminal record?" Inquired the customs official.
"I didn't know that you still needed one." Replied the tourist.
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01-10-2015, 17:44
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#430
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,891
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Speaking of customs/migration officials:
Angela Merkel went to Greece recently:
Official: Name?
Angela: Angela Merkel.
Official: Occupation?
Angela: No, just visiting this time.
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01-10-2015, 19:36
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#431
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 20,554
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate
OMG, Therapy, what's next? elephant jokes?
Thanks for the smile.
Ann
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Q: What's the difference between an elephant and peanut-butter?
A: The elephant won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
For all of your celestial navigation questions: https://navlist.net/
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
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01-10-2015, 19:37
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#432
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 20,554
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Why do elephants have grooves on the bottom of their feet?
To give ants a 50-50 chance.
Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
For all of your celestial navigation questions: https://navlist.net/
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
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01-10-2015, 19:39
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#433
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 20,554
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy
Engineers' Conversion Table
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahertz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 1000 mockingbirds =1 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
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25. Should be 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
For all of your celestial navigation questions: https://navlist.net/
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
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01-10-2015, 22:08
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#434
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.
"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.
"That's his trunk, honey," Mom replied.
"No, that other thing," Johnny insisted.
"Oh, you must be looking at his tail," Mom offered.
"No, Mommy, that big thing underneath him, by his belly," Johnny said. Realizing her son was asking about the elephant's penis, Mom got embarassed.
"Oh, that's nothing, sweetie. Daddy went to get some popcorn. When he comes back, he can tell you all about the elephants."
Soon, Dad came back with popcorn, and Mom went to use the restroom. Johnny took the opportunity to question his father. "What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Daddy?"
"That's his trunk, son," Dad said.
"No, Daddy, not his trunk, and not his tail. I mean that big thing underneath, by his belly," Johnny repeated.
"Oh, that," Dad said. "That's his penis, Johnny."
"Huh," mused the five year old. "Mommy said that was nothing."
"Son," sighed Dad, "I've spoiled that woman."
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01-10-2015, 23:02
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#435
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
This smoking ban in cars is a disgrace. Having a pint without a cigarette just isn't the same.
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