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Old 31-07-2016, 20:33   #1411
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him*. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:_
>
> *_370HSSV 0773H_*
>
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump and his children. Vanessa Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. *No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA. They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help*. Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply: *"Tell Mr Trump that he is holding the message upside down."*
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Old 31-07-2016, 21:00   #1412
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Re: The New Joke Thread


Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.



And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.
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Old 31-07-2016, 21:07   #1413
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What goes around, cums around.


.
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Old 31-07-2016, 21:12   #1414
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him*. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:_
>
> *_370HSSV 0773H_*
>
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump and his children. Vanessa Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. *No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA. They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help*. Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply: *"Tell Mr Trump that he is holding the message upside down."*


They should have just called the Russians. They've already read all of HilLIARy's emails.
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Old 01-08-2016, 13:45   #1415
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Grandma!
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Old 01-08-2016, 14:07   #1416
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him*. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:_
>
> *_370HSSV 0773H_*
>
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump and his children. Vanessa Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. *No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA. They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help*. Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply: *"Tell Mr Trump that he is holding the message upside down."*
I updated it for you:

Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:
>
> *_370HSSV 0773H_*
>
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Melania Trump and his children. Melania and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. *No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NSA. He eventually asked his friend Putin for help. Within minutes, The Russian FSA cabled this reply: *"Tell Mr. Trump that he is holding the message upside down."*
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Old 01-08-2016, 18:12   #1417
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Seriously, people, all these jokes about Clinton's email and the servers are just going to have to stop. Really. I've been involved in the computer communications security business for more than 40 years and I know for a fact that all this so-called "press" covering Ms Clinton's data storage techniques are mere hoo-hocky. So calm down. It's merely dirty politics, okay?

On another note, I'll probably/maybe leaving CF in the near future.... Got a pending job offer from the Clinton team re: computer communications security.
Go figure.


For you youngsters out there who seem to know everything, here's what things were like back when I got started:



For those who don't understand Norwegian or can't read the subtitles, here's a remake in the English language {Russian speakers are on your own. } :



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Old 01-08-2016, 20:16   #1418
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by SailFastTri View Post
I updated it for you:

Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:
>
> *_370HSSV 0773H_*
>
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Melania Trump and his children. Melania and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. *No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NSA. He eventually asked his friend Putin for help. Within minutes, The Russian FSA cabled this reply: *"Tell Mr. Trump that he is holding the message upside down."*
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Old 01-08-2016, 22:11   #1419
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The proper method of Poling out the Geni...
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Old 01-08-2016, 23:01   #1420
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Fan dango View Post
The proper method of Poling out the Geni...
I frankly don't see how that's going to help downwind performance at all.

And, the Jenny is too far away to be much use either........
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:58   #1421
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by jeepbluetj View Post
I frankly don't see how that's going to help downwind performance at all.

And, the Jenny is too far away to be much use either........
I thought it was odd too, but my husband assured me that this is how you pole out.
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Old 02-08-2016, 13:22   #1422
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So....whose going to Photoshop the shark leaping up to take the bait......." Waterworld" sequel...
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Old 02-08-2016, 14:33   #1423
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Punctuation counts!

And so does "The Count". This clip may require adult permission to watch, depending on your location. Deemed kinky by some, me guesses.




Okay... sort'a silly, but it's raining outside and, you know......
mmmm, nice ankles!!!
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Old 02-08-2016, 15:01   #1424
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Seriously, people, all these jokes about Clinton's email and the servers are just going to have to stop. Really. I've been involved in the computer communications security business for more than 40 years and I know for a fact that all this so-called "press" covering Ms Clinton's data storage techniques are mere hoo-hocky. So calm down. It's merely dirty politics, okay?

On another note, I'll probably/maybe leaving CF in the near future.... Got a pending job offer from the Clinton team re: computer communications security.
Go figure.


For you youngsters out there who seem to know everything, here's what things were like back when I got started:



For those who don't understand Norwegian or can't read the subtitles, here's a remake in the English language {Russian speakers are on your own. } :



Not to drag it further off topic but wasn't there something about the FBI saying it was criminal and she should be indicted but they weren't going to do it.
???
Maybe you can find out and let us know the real scoop........
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Old 02-08-2016, 15:39   #1425
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Not to drag it further off topic but wasn't there something about the FBI saying it was criminal and she should be indicted but they weren't going to do it.
???
Maybe you can find out and let us know the real scoop........
The F.B.I. director, James B. Comey, said that to warrant a criminal charge, there had to be evidence that Mrs. Clinton intentionally transmitted or willfully mishandled classified information. The F.B.I. found neither, and as a result, he said, “our judgment is that no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case.”

Mr. Comey said the F.B.I. did not find that Mrs. Clinton’s conduct revealed “intentional misconduct or indications of disloyalty to the United States or efforts to obstruct justice.” But a person in her position, he said, “should have known that an unclassified system was no place” for the emails she was sending.

Whatever else it was, according to the FBI it wasn't criminal. There are other blogs where the subject gets delved deeply into.



So anyway, back to the jokes............................

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know....they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know....there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, dickhead? Drink your 'eff'ing beer in your frozen mug and eat your mother-eff'ing snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't 'eff'ing going anywhere! Got it, *******?'

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