The New Joke Thread

[Singularity]

Never let all the politics in the news distract you from the fact that advertisements always contains graphic vulgarity.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Singularity

Never let all the politics in the news distract you from the fact that advertisements always contains graphic vulgarity.

I don't get it.

Is there a punchline?

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I don't get it.

Is there a punchline?

Only subliminally.....

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Only subliminally.....

Good one!!

[DockDoc]

Why are American beers and sex in a canoe the same?

Both are ***king close to water.

[Singularity]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I don't get it.

Is there a punchline?

Just don't say that it's over your head. hint: something between the something

[MicHughV]

The first time I ever had an American beer...I thought it was a joke...seriously...I thought someone was having me on....it was tasteless, had no head, was the wrong color, etc...I thought someone had splashed some beer over a glass of water...if my memory holds....it was an Old Milwaukee...to this day, I will not drink that stuff....if I had to chose between water and an OM...I'd take the water....and that's no joke !!

[carlosproa]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all, but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.

When I came to US in the late 70’s I agree that the beer was horrible. But what I learned over and over again is once Americans decide to do something right, they indeed do a good job. Example was wine, and for the last 15 years the explosion of crafted beer is incredible. I remember once living in Owensboro, KY in the late 80’s and been part of the beer of the world club where we would get every week a six pack from somewhere in the world. A batch of honor was to reach 84 different types. Today you can walk into many bars and have a menu of beer with at least 60 brands readily available.

[JoeRobertJr]

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

The slowest swimmer.

[dfelsent]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

true, that English beer, to most others, is a warm, tepid taste....but most English beer is locally made by area breweries, some, that will, every once in a while produce a beer with three times the average alcohol content..I'm talking serious arse-kicking here, ask me, I know....

and c'mon, America has yet to learn to make beer. Bud light, Miller lite, etc, is actually a lager or koolaid by a different name....

you want good beer, you gotta learn to make it yerself...

20 years ago I would have agreed. I was home brewing then because good ale was hard to find.
Nowadays it freakin’ everywhere! Well in New England at least
My local grocery has dozens of micro brews. The big store 3 miles away has 300+.
Bars and restaurants have great fresh beer lists.
But I hate to admit an ice cold coors lite on a 90 degree day when you want low alcohol can be very refreshing.
But this https://nightshiftbrewing.com/brewin...w/beer/the-87/ is kick-a$$

[MicHughV]

I have some friends that brew their own beer. They are fanatics at it, One of them has a shed in the back of his house with all the beer making paraphernalia. They will study various beer recipe's, import a variety of stuff, ingredients, etc. It is an exact science to them. Everything is done to a recipe. I've watched them in action. They will weigh each ingredient down to a micro-gram and have all sorts of distillation gadgets, etc.
At the end of the day, week, or whatever, they will pronounce their beer is ready and an invite is sent out.
The stuff they make...and they make a variety of brews....is the best I've ever tasted or enjoyed. Some arse-kicking stuff too.
My question is...why can't the big brew houses not do the same? Off course, I know the answer, the big brew houses will go for the cheapest way to make their product. Inferior products, inferior process, etc, etc, etc..this has opened the door to the micro-breweries....and in my opinion, they make better beer.

I will confess, I tried my hand at making my own beer. Old Milwaukee, your product, bad as it is, is better than mine.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”...
I was quite surprised that “Yell for help” wasn’t one of them.

Q: Why did the election results take so long?
A: It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What did you expect?

In the 1950s, someone yelled out to candidate Adlai Stevenson: "You have the vote of every decent, thinking American, Sir!"
He yelled back: "Thanks, but I need a majority."

I won the lottery today!!!!
Well, I only got the first two numbers, but my lawyers are working on having them stop the count.

[Yellowtulip]

Originally Posted by GordMay

That's just too apt to be funny.

[GordMay]

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.
You know you did your part right, but worry the rest of them screwed it up.

There was an election among the elements of the periodic table, and Iron voted for Zinc ...
... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.