Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 6 votes, 4.83 average. Display Modes
Old 28-10-2020, 12:33   #13441
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,338
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
From the way back machine...........
I think I've found the solution that will make everyone happy.

I'll stop posting images.

StuM will be overjoyed that everyone loses out because of him, those who can't see them will no longer feel slighted and I won't have to waste my time posting them any more. I'll just enjoy reading the jokes I see here and elsewhere and stop trying to share images.



Back to jokes.

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.

"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that you're like a baby below the waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"

"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 12:42   #13442
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Boat: Beneteau 432, C&C Landfall 42, Roberts Offshore 38
Posts: 1,617
Re: The New Joke Thread

I thought this stone might be useful to some folks on this thread, so I'll pass it around...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	PHOTO-2020-10-28-15-16-41.jpg
Views:	196
Size:	33.3 KB
ID:	226037  
MicHughV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 14:20   #13443
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,338
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
Frankly I'm surprised that the moderators allow all the female nudity in his posts...must be that the outlandish humor keeps it all kosher.
[/SIZE]


Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 14:54   #13444
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,294
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?
Lol...We all know that Singularity has x-ray vision
Pelagic is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 15:43   #13445
Registered User
 
chrisr's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Boat: Tasman 40' catamaran
Posts: 852
Re: The New Joke Thread

News flashes:

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7, 8 and 9.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £7.50/min (charges may vary,ask your mobile provider)

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's the worst at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.


When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.


further updates after the program

cheers,
__________________
"home is where the anchor drops"...back onboard at Iluka, getting ready to head south for Christmas... maintaining social distancing !
chrisr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 15:44   #13446
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,171
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?
I suggested unseeable salaciousness to salivate the surly unsatiated. You spoiled it...
Attached Images
 
Singularity is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 16:08   #13447
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,294
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
I suggested unseeable salaciousness to salivate the surly unsatiated. You spoiled it...
Lol....well done!
A satiated, salacious, seeable salvation, can only bring you closer to your gods
Pelagic is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 16:48   #13448
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,419
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
Length of thread is no indication of quality, nor that it is related to cruising.
No,
But I would go out on a limb and say it might just attest to itís popularity though.
a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 16:52   #13449
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,419
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueH2Obound View Post
Apparently they're also censoring it in the United States as well, as that's where I am. Whatever . . . .

Iíve not been able to figure it out myself. I think it may be the ISP?
When we were in the Marina in Jax Fl, I couldnít see many of them
Now that we have a house in another town, it seems I can see them all.

Both are in the US, in Fl. Only difference that Iím aware of is the Internet Service Provider is different.
a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 17:25   #13450
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,294
Re: The New Joke Thread

I think every country has thier own censorship blocks.
Here in the Philippines I occasionally see a block that this content is not allowed in your region.
Not sure if that block is from the sender or from the recieving state?
Pelagic is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-10-2020, 18:43   #13451
Registered User

Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 723
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Lol...We all know that Singularity has x-ray vision


he is a beta tester for the new apple glasses. Apparently it has some bugs.
Fuss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-10-2020, 01:52   #13452
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-10-2020, 02:02   #13453
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Uk Rye
Boat: Moody 44í ketch
Posts: 68
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
News flashes:

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7, 8 and 9.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £7.50/min (charges may vary,ask your mobile provider)

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's the worst at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.


When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.


further updates after the program

cheers,


Please please. One at a time. I think Iím going to die
Malabarista is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-10-2020, 07:10   #13454
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-10-2020, 07:23   #13455
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,735
Re: The New Joke Thread

5 letters
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	wifetold.jpg
Views:	195
Size:	77.3 KB
ID:	226087  
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
boat

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 00:12.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.