The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

[sailorphil9]

The saga of Essex girls continues...


Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. “No way,” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”

[sailorphil9]

A guy walked into a crowed bar, waving his 1911 Colt .45 calibre pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, "I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the room called out...











"You'll need more ammo!"

[sailorphil9]

A couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about an African Black Bush Tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

This is because when the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a large stone. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later on that evening, as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?"
The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

[sailorphil9]

A group of nuns is upbraded by the priest for very un-nunly behaviour with some lusty novices. He requires them to confess one by one in front of the others:
The first: "Father I have touched a man's member"
"With which hand"
"The left"
"Wash your left hand in holy water, say ten hail Marys and never indulge in this behaviour again"
The next: "Father, I haver touched a man's member"
"With which hand?"
"Both hands"
"Wash both ha....."
At this point a nun at the back calls out: "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff can I do it before sister Agnes washes her arse in it?"

[StuM]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

A guy walked into a crowed bar, waving his 1911 Colt .45 calibre pistol with an 8 shot clip 7 round magazine, and yelled, "I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"

FIFY

[darylat8750]

[QUOTE=GordMay;3247151]Indeed!






Hear! Hear!

I see them all. I hear them all. Sometimes even when no one is there...

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by StuM

FIFY

But I do believe the 1911 comes with an 8 round magazine.

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by skipmac

But I do believe the 1911 comes with an 8 round magazine.

Most I think 7 in the magazine + 1 in the chamber...

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by skipmac

But I do believe the 1911 comes with an 8 round magazine.

Standard clip is 7.

Doesn’t mean there aren’t aftermarket clips with 8 but then they protrude past the butt of the grip in which case why stop at 8.

[GordMay]

There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and is crying for help ...
A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.
A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can’t, and he drowns.
A libertarian shows up and shrugs “it isn’t my problem” and just goes away; the victim drowns.
A bunch of Tea Party types show up. One throws the victim a heavy rock; the victim drowns and all of the tea partiers cheer.
A Green Party member shows up. He yells at the victim for polluting the water. The victim drowns.

[Lost Horizons]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Standard clip is 7.

Doesn’t mean there aren’t aftermarket clips with 8 but then they protrude past the butt of the grip in which case why stop at 8.

1911, as many other semiautomatic pistols, do not use clips. And yes, the magazine capacities vary.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Standard clip is 7.

Doesn’t mean there aren’t aftermarket clips with 8 but then they protrude past the butt of the grip in which case why stop at 8.

Magazines hold the bullets.

Clips are for hair.

[El Pinguino]

So now the Joke thread is a Gun thread.... that is funny...

Q. Can pedants be cured or is it for life??

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

Q. Can pedants be cured or is it for life??

It should be:
Can pedantism be cured...