The New Joke Thread

[goguygo]

A man rushes into the house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

"Yay! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I are an engineer...

that one took a coupla seconds to work out...then LOL !

cheers,

[Dave_S]

The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 5 characters.

[Buzzman]

...and tenement halls....

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

...and tenement halls....

Poets

[chrisr]

cheers,

[chrisr]

cheers,

[sailorphil9]

More from the Essex girls Sharon and Tracey...

1. Two Essex Girls are filling up at a petrol station and Sharon
says "I bet these awful fuel prices are going to go even
higher."

Tracey replies, "That won't affect me, I always put in just
£20 worth."


2. One day, Sharon's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a
big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it, stop bawling" consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of trousers for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," Sharon said, drying her eyes. "I
used them to patch the hole."


3. Sharon and Tracey were walking down the road and Tracey said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

Sharon covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

[LakeSuperior]

Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.

Einstein pensively says to her, "Tell me what you need dear, I'm here to help."

His wife responds, "I just need two things right now, some space and time."

Einstein, "OK, so what's the second thing?"

[LakeSuperior]

What is a mummy's favourite genre of music?

Rap music. Or maybe ragtime.

[LakeSuperior]

5yr old daughter: “Daddy I’m mad at you!”

Me : “Why?”

5yr old daughter: “You know why!”

Wife: [wipes tear] “They grow up so fast these days.”

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

5yr old daughter: “Daddy I’m mad at you!”

Me : “Why?”

5yr old daughter: “You know why!”

Wife: [wipes tear] “They grow up so fast these days.”

Just in case your daughter asks you;
'What's a MILF?'

Remember this unfortunate choice of nation building.

The terrorist group*Moro Islamic Liberation Front*(MILF) has been blamed for numerous violent incidents, kidnappings, and frequent clashes with the Filipino security forces.

[sailormed]

Mature Independant Liberated Female isn’t it?

[Singularity]

MILF's ex will verify that MILFs are prone to violence, kidnapping, and clashes in court. MILFs tend to operate as sleeper-cells, only activating after years of seemingly peaceful co-existence. Indeed problematic for nation building. Caveat emptor.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by sailormed

Mature Independant Liberated Female isn’t it?

Absolutely! ......
.....I find that chains really get in the way of tacking to windward.
.....or hardening up to a broad reach