Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 24-08-2020, 22:00   #12241
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-08-2020, 22:03   #12242
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 00:15   #12243
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Mainly aboard currently New Zealand
Boat: Custom steel schooner 15m oa
Posts: 88
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
I can understand why she questioned you, you left out "time" in the punchline of your joke.
Yeh, I ran out of time for that one
sailorphil9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 00:23   #12244
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Mainly aboard currently New Zealand
Boat: Custom steel schooner 15m oa
Posts: 88
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by IslandHopper View Post
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
...etc

Mrs. Smith fainted....

Major multiple LOL - Great!
sailorphil9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 00:37   #12245
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Mainly aboard currently New Zealand
Boat: Custom steel schooner 15m oa
Posts: 88
Re: The New Joke Thread

Just had to paste this...


The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman:
And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" She cried. "How dare you do this to me? A faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"
And the husband replied. "Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what happened?"
"Fine, go ahead. "She sobbed. "But they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began. "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they
not the "in" name this year. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same." The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.
"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
sailorphil9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 00:39   #12246
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Mainly aboard currently New Zealand
Boat: Custom steel schooner 15m oa
Posts: 88
Re: The New Joke Thread

An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave, staggering.
The bartender stops him and asks, "Excuse me but, what was that all about?"
The Irishman replies, "Me wife sent me out for a jar of olives."
sailorphil9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 01:03   #12247
Registered User
 
Uncle Bob's Avatar

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sydney Australia
Boat: Fisher pilothouse sloop 32'
Posts: 1,858
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Wow, like wow, do you have a link to the make and model??
__________________
Rob aka Uncle Bob Sydney Australia.

Life is 10% the cards you are dealt, 90% how you play em
Uncle Bob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 05:35   #12248
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,170
Re: The New Joke Thread

Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails Click image for larger version

Name:	FB_IMG_1598358372301.jpeg
Views:	189
Size:	49.2 KB
ID:	221948
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 05:44   #12249
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 8
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails Attachment 221948
By the look on his face, he's not ready to go down with the ship (Titanic).
Maybe he was intimidated by the size of her mast?
When her boat's a'rocking....
I'd have to see her walking away to know if she were a trawler or a pleasure craft...

Ok...that's enough for now.
scarpozzi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 06:54   #12250
Registered User
 
BBViper's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: On the sea
Boat: Tartan 37
Posts: 39
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails Attachment 221948
READY TORPEDO! LAUNCH ! DIRECT HIT TO THE GARBOARD PLANK SIR !
BBViper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 12:57   #12251
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 12:57   #12252
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 12:58   #12253
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 12:59   #12254
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-08-2020, 13:00   #12255
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:05.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.