The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

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[LakeSuperior]

"I before E"...

Except if your feisty foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from caffeinated weightlifters.

[LakeSuperior]

Because of the COVID restrictions I’ve been bored. So I decided to take up fencing.

The neighbors said they’ll call the police unless I put it back.

[LakeSuperior]

I tried eating the whole Taco Bell menu once..

They kindly asked me to get off the counter.

[LakeSuperior]

Judge, "On what grounds do you want a divorce?"

Husband, "My wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every day!!"

Judge, "You mean to say she's severely alcoholic and cheats on you everyday?"

Husband, "No, She's out looking for Me!!"

[goguygo]

no Grapes, no Nuts....

Discuss.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by goguygo

Attachment 221767


no Grapes, no Nuts....

Discuss.

Comes from the French word.... grappé
...which describes cluster or bunch.
"Nuts", because if you believe it is healthy for you,..., well your just nuts!

[chrisr]

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?"

The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something,
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Guinness, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Bunnings'."

cheers,

[chrisr]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

cheers,

[chrisr]

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised

cheers,