Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 17-07-2020, 22:39   #11761
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-07-2020, 22:40   #11762
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-07-2020, 22:45   #11763
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-07-2020, 22:46   #11764
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-07-2020, 22:49   #11765
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,489
Re: The New Joke Thread

Is Czec his first name or his last name?
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-07-2020, 04:03   #11766
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Caribbean
Boat: 44 FP Cat & 45 Sea Ray motor yacht
Posts: 123
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
Well, it's off topic, but in my case this applies:

Heroic, handsome hunk
Understanding and unflappable
Satisfying () and supportive
Bighearted, brave and brilliant
Adorable, adventurous anchorholic
Nice (says it all )
Dependable and decent and for some weird reason devoted

Me wife says, forget all the other acronyms, remember the first letter H only, doing H, sets a happy tone:

Together or used separate, both are equally effective. H stands for Hungry and Horny.

Service both, the rest will follow.

Gerrit Coetzee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-07-2020, 07:14   #11767
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread




This guy reminds me of the time I got pulled over for speeding in El Centro, CA. I was in my Silverado 2500 HD and following bumper to bumper traffic in the slow lane. I saw a CA.gov license plate on a Crown Vic in the fast lane up ahead as we slowly passed those cars - both lanes were bumper to bumper for miles. As I got up next to the Crown Vic, I noticed he had red and blue lights up by his sun visors and the big speedometer read "66 MPH". We were in a 65 Mph zone, my speedo read 62 Mph, but I knew it was wrong because my tires were 9% oversize.

I looked at the driver and he was wearing some sort of uniform and it was covered in epaulets, tassles, bangles, and enough medals to sink the Titanic! I told my girlfriend in the pass. seat to look and loudly said, "He looks like some tin pot dictator from Zimbabwe or a movie extra from a comedy about some crazy general from some small country!" Apparently, he heard us laughing at him and he pulled me over!

He walks up to the window and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" My GF is staring in disbelief, he has even more medals than we thought! I was feeling froggy, so I said, "You were wearing this outfit home from a movie set and you're suffering from a lack of oxygen due to the extreme weight on your chest, so you'd thought it would be funny to impersonate an officer. I have to warn you, that kind of sh1t is illegal!"

Now he looks extremely annoyed and yells, "I'm the Chief of Police of El Centro! I pulled you over for speeding!" I still don't believe him. I said, "El Centro is too small to have a PD! All of Imperial County is covered by the Imperial County Sheriff's Office and none of them dress like that!" Now he's REALLY angry and says, "Don't argue with me, I AM the Chief of Police!" I asked him, "Where is your gun? Your badge? Your radio? You don't even have a tazer or pepper spray on your belt! I honestly don't think you're law enforcement, you look like you just came off of a comedy movie set."

Then he says I'm resisting arrest, even though he hasn't asked me to even get out of the truck. He said I was doing 67 in a 65 zone, and I told him I agreed, because he was doing 66 in a 65 zone and I passed him at 1 mph. If 2 mph is over the speed limit, then 1 mph is over the speed limit. He said he's allowed to go over, I said only when in pursuit, and donuts don't count. This time his mouth twitched out a little smile.

He suddenly backed off and told me to drive carefully. I had to speed back up to 67 mph on the shoulder to force my way back into bumper to bumper traffic, but it's easier with that many lug nuts and a disregard for your paint job.

A couple of days later, I posted the experience on the off-road website I frequent and someone answered that he knows the El Centro Chief of Police and that was really him! He said he always thought the guy was half loony!
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-07-2020, 07:39   #11768
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of speeding tickets...

I was late to a meeting with my home inspector. The fwy was nice and empty mid day, I didn't see any cop cars and my detector wasn't picking up any radar so I kicked the Mustang GT up to 124 mph and we're cruising, smooth as silk! I look up in the rear view and there's a CHP up on the overpass and he's hit the lights and started rolling.

I downshift and pull up on the parking brake and within a mile, I'm slowed down to 65 mph, but 4.5 mi later, he's pulled me over. He walks up on the passenger side and asks me if I knew why he pulled me over. I figured I'm toast, anything over 100 mph he can arrest me and impound the car, I'm not getting home till tomorrow.

I try humor. "You saw this bitchin blue Mustang and you jut had to get a closer look?" To my surprise, he starts busting up laughing and leans over laughing! "No", he finally says, "I pulled you over for speeding, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" "I was doing 65 mph." "No, before you downshifted, I estimated your speed at over 120 mph." With a gentle tone, I said, "Ohh, no way you can be that accurate just visually estimating speed." "Why do you think it took me 4.5 mi to catch up to you?" "Oh everybody knows those Crown Vics are notoriously slow. They're a luxury car, not a sports car!"

He laughed again, then said, "I'm in a good mood, so I'm just going to write you up for 95+ in a 65 mph zone, that's a lot cheaper than the whole arrest, bail, impound thing for over 100 mph." I said, "Thank you!" He asked for my license, etc and my insurance was current, but I only had my old insurance card with me, so he had to add that on the ticket as well. He told me the ticket was going to be about $1,400 or more, with the speeding and no insurance was $1,000 fine, so he insisted I go to court to prove I had current insurance.

I went to court and proved I had insurance, but the CHP had written something wrong on the ticket, so the judge threw it all out. I suspect I got REALLY lucky that day and the CHP officer gave me a huge break!
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-07-2020, 10:38   #11769
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Boat: Beneteau 432, C&C Landfall 42, Roberts Offshore 38
Posts: 1,349
Re: The New Joke Thread

Post Corona Romance Novel"

Hands glistening with sanitizer, he reached out and gently removed her face mask. As he pressed closer against her, she felt a certain stiffness near his trouser pocket.

" Is that what I think it is" she asked breathlessly....

"Yes" he replied "I brought my digital thermometer in case I need to take your temperature"

Yes, romance as we once knew it, has been changed forever...
MicHughV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-07-2020, 13:49   #11770
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 132
Re: The New Joke Thread

5 characters
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	image002.jpg
Views:	193
Size:	88.7 KB
ID:	219576  
Happydrv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2020, 10:08   #11771
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2020, 10:09   #11772
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2020, 10:10   #11773
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2020, 11:46   #11774
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2020, 11:48   #11775
Senior Cruiser

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Orefield, PA
Boat: Catalina 25
Posts: 170
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
To be used in combination with the rumble strips at the lane's edge.
JoeRobertJr is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:35.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.