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Old 13-07-2020, 17:24   #11716
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A Texas cowboy leaves the bar and notices a little girl standing outside the bar with a handful of silver dollars in her hand.
"where did you get those" the cowboys asks....and she replies " I take bets"
Intrigued, the cowboy asks "bets ? ,what of bets"
The little girl replies, " ok, I bet you a silver dollar, I can pee higher against that wall, than you can, but you gotta lie on your back"

The Cowboy is full of beer and reckons he has got this in in the bag and he agrees to the stipulation.

Without further ado, the little girl drops her drawers, lies down on the ground and sure enuff.....makes 3' high on the wall.

Ha, the cowboy grunts, I got this one, lays down on the ground, unzips his pants and is about to let go, when the little girl tells him " no sir, no hands allowed !"
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Old 13-07-2020, 18:09   #11717
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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The Irish, never to take anything lying down, dig a hole 40' deep, but find not a damned thing, but announce to the world, that it was because 250 years ago, the Irish had already developed wifi.

Ummmmm..... thought *everyone* knew it was we Aussies who invented wifi..??


https://web.archive.org/web/20170613...osullivan.html
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Old 13-07-2020, 21:14   #11718
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 13-07-2020, 21:40   #11719
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Old 14-07-2020, 00:39   #11720
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A passenger airliner crashed into the biggest cemetery in the city of Dublin.


The first reporter on the scene asked the firechief what the death toll was.


He replied 'We've recovered 700 bodies so far, and we're still digging'.
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Old 14-07-2020, 00:44   #11721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An Irishman and a US visitor were arguing about the respective successes of their countries. The Texan said 'Well, it's a fact that we landed the first man on the moon, in 1969.'


The Irishman said 'That's nonsense. Who do you think dug all the holes? And not only that, we'll be the first to land people on the sun'.


'But that's just stupid, they'll burn before they get there'.



'No way, we will land at night.'
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Old 14-07-2020, 06:00   #11722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I had the misfortune to spend 8 years of my youth in an Irish Catholic Boarding School....
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Old 14-07-2020, 10:09   #11723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

and before that....in a convent....

some would argue.....that explains a lot about me !!!

a factoid I would not dispute...
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Old 14-07-2020, 10:35   #11724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How many days does it take to do a simple 10 minute job?
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Old 14-07-2020, 12:50   #11725
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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How many days does it take to do a simple 10 minute job?
It depends on the size of the shipyard. Anywhere from 3 days to two weeks. If it's PSNY or Newport News, possibly longer.

If it's Pearl Harbor, you could make a 20 yr career out of it and retire before it gets done.


Train depots are just as bad. You could arrive there to install 2 warning stickers on the locomotives and 4 days later, you've expended 14 hr days just satisfying safety prerequisites, meeting union reps, RR officials, depot officials, engineers, dispatchers, safety officers, etc - all of whom you need to locate, move and blue tag every unit before you can even touch it.
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Old 14-07-2020, 12:57   #11726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 14-07-2020, 12:59   #11727
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I had the misfortune to spend 8 years of my youth in an Irish Catholic Boarding School....


and before that....in a convent....

some would argue.....that explains a lot about me !!!

a factoid I would not dispute...

Sounds like you have strong grounds for a very lucrative lawsuit.
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Old 14-07-2020, 13:00   #11728
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I always read the reviews...

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Old 14-07-2020, 13:02   #11729
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Old 14-07-2020, 13:03   #11730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Guess who's sleeping in the camper tonight...

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